The Good And The Bad

The chicken I was convinced had a broken neck yesterday morning is now fit as a fiddle (assuming that fiddles are healthy and pooping all over my living room) and ready to join her sisters and mate back in the pen. Today I slept well, had breakfast, gave a tour of the co-op, and spent two hours on the bus to spend one hour with my mom and brother. Besides my Dad, everyone of consequence now knows about my trip to Michigan.

This morning started out great with an e-mail response to my Craigslist rideshare ad. Not only is someone else driving to Michigan in early August, but he just happens to have an available bike rack, and his car is a prius! So our tranpsortation cost is going to be half of what we were expecting, with all the benefits we could have hoped for!

A while later I interviewed a very promising candidate for the co-op, which is good news because the house has agreed that if Darling and I can find someone to take our room by September, we won't be obligated to pay that last month of rent. And THEN I found my wallet, which I'd pretty much given up on. Yay for not having to replace my license and debit card ten days before crossing the country!

Things went downhill once I was with my wonderful family. My mom wants me to pay for the truck repair before I go. Having a vehicle was a glorious boon, a fabulous gift from my loving mother who only ever wants to help and promote the pursuit of my dreams. It was also a trap. I'll never forgive myself for getting into a fender bender that sleepy Monday morning, but it happened and it still needs paying for.

It's just bodywork, but automobiles are the most vampire of inventions and this will pretty much bleed me dry. I don't mean to suggest that this is unfair in the slightest, it's just overwhelming. Especially since I've gotten used to thinking in terms of my upcoming homelessness travels. I set myself up to have enough cash to get north, hang with the heroes for at least four weeks, travel south and east at my leisure, and maybe eek out a limited living back in Texas in early 2013 before heading west next spring.

Paying for bodywork, however, could easily cost as much as I planned to spend for the entire trip. Read: the rest of the goddamn YEAR. I know my Mom didn't mean to, but she basically said, "you want to leave town? Great! But first, why don't you write me a check for all the money you'll have in the foreseeable future?"

Oh well, at least I can cross one more debt off the list, which will leave me, yet again, with student loans alone.

Yeah, Me Too

Experiences in factory employment that I do not want to forget, in no particular order:

One day I went to get water and a sign next to the cooler said, "Arsenic Contaminated Waste Only." Intellectually I knew that the sign had just been placed on the table before being mounted at its permanent location, and that the water probably was not arsenic contaminated, but I decided to go without regardless.

The day the Plastic Bag Ban passed in Austin, I was sitting down to lunch with my coworkers and thought about bringing up this exciting news. I knew that few of them would have heard of it, and many might rail against the idea, and I didn't want to have to argue a point...as I contemplated this, a man next to me opened up one of those tiny 5-hour Energy abominations, threw the cap over his shoulder, and downed the poison in one gulp. I kept my mouth shut.

There was an acid spill in our storage area, and we had to check all the materials with ph strips. A couple of weeks later some of the guys showed me holes in their gloves and jeans that had been eaten through. Later still, I was waiting for an elevator when something splashed from the ceiling onto the sleeve of my shirt. Thankfully, it was just water. Later I realized that, if that ever happened again, I should cut my sleeve off before deciding whether it was acid or water.

The other female apprentice would playfully greet my approach with a wolf whistle. The first time I heard it, not knowing it was her, I was pissed. When I related this to a coworker, he was dumbfounded, "It's just a compliment!" I explained my reason for disliking the implication and not wanting to encourage such behavior, but he occasionally indulged in whistling at me from then on.

The week before Christmas I was asked about my plans after work. "I have a lot of shopping for the holidays," I answered. "Oh, then you will be like a real woman."

The first couple of days at work as the only woman on the crew men were literally taking work out of my arms. In order to shame them out of their pretended chivalry, I had to quickly learn to shift my weight and balance a heavy load using only one hand. This was not only to make it obvious that I could handle myself, but freed up my other hand to make it very clear that I'd fight for my right to lift, literally pushing over-aggressive "helpers" away from me.

The day after I learned this trick a man from Puerto Rico explained to me that they weren't being sexist, but I was making the guys look bad by doing their job so well.

A few months later, the same man went out of his way to wish me a happy International Women's Day. He asked me how I planned to celebrate. He described the parties his family had on this day and the festivals they attended.

Sitting with another apprentice, the closest to be a friend of mine, and President Obama comes up: "Man, that guy is so messed up. He hasn't done anyone good at all." Curious about specific complaints, I mention a couple of things Obama did that I approved of, such as revoking Don't Ask Don't Tell. My friend was perplexed, he was under the impression that homosexuals weren't allowed to join the military. As I explained the bill, he grit his teeth. "Well, I kind of agree with that." With don't ask don't tell? With secrecy and oppression?! "Well yeah, that's not natural. I mean...men are supposed to be with women. That's the way it is. People shouldn't choose to go against that."
I'd never in my life imagined sitting down and eating with a blatant bigot. It was out of my world. But I was 100% comfortable saying, "call it a choice if you want, but if it is a choice, it's one countless men and women have been willing to die for, die horrible deaths for, and live unspeakably difficult lives over, within basically every culture for the extent of recorded history. That's a strange choice for thousands of humans to make when incredibly few cultures provide that as an option in any way."
My friend's countenance went dark. He stared at the table. And finally he said, "all I know is that I've been raised a certain way, and maybe not everyone is raised to believe the same things." I'd never seen doubt so vibrantly revealed, and I realized how painful it is to really change as a person. He left early that day, without a word to anyone.

My first week of work when Nae, the journeywoman carpenter, was still with the company, she secretly asked the foreman not to pair us together. He ignored her and we were partners for the rest of that project. She grew fond of my, though, and became my champion. Eventually, she confessed: "You look so delicate, so petite! I didn't think you would work. I didn't think you would last. But you're so much stronger than you seem."

For about five weeks I have been going to an acupuncturist at the recommendation of my physician. She checks my pulse and I am surprised by her frown. Everyone's always commented on my healthy blood pressure. But she tells me my pulse is extremely slow. "You don't have the vitality you should at your age."

I read one of my journals from working at the cooperative brewpub last year, and can't believe how hard I had to fight a reputation for being slow, despite consistently completing the majority of the daily tasks. I recall that my reputation at every other job was hard-won over the course of months. I never got the promotion on the first go, but eventually I'd make the top of every list and stay there. I lack vitality, but not stamina. I'm not big, but I'm strong.

One of the first things my first union shop teacher said to me: "I hope you make it."

Impending Overdraft

So, things are pretty much coming down to the wire.

I called my Mom about borrowing the thousand dollars for my teeth. This is obviously something I didn't take lightly for a number of reasons, especially since I'm already borrowing her massive truck. However, she has the money, and the dentist put in no uncertain terms the time frame I'm looking at for saving any of my molars.

When I told her how much I needed for an extraction, root canal, and cap, there was a catch in her breath but she sounded positive. She said yes and I was incredibly relieved. Then I called her back two days later and she was definitely not okay. I can't be totally sure if my asking her for so much money put her over the edge, or what, but it obviously didn't help. Kicking myself, I excused her from the favor and insisted I could handle my teeth just fine on my own.

In actuality, I won't need $1000 all at once. There will need to be at least a couple of days between the root canal and capping, and those are the two $400+ procedures. The first visit could really cost more than $500. My plan is actually to go in and ask for just the $80 extraction and schedule the next appointment in November.

What's worse is that I'm knowingly going to overdraw my account, because I don't even have $80. I will, but not for two or three days. Knowing that put me in such an weird emotional place that I sort of gave up. There was no possible way everything would come together, so I stopped thinking. Which wouldn't have mattered if it hadn't been Raja's birthday on Saturday.

To celebrate, about twenty of us went bowling and barhopping. Altogether Darling and I ended up buying snacks, two pitchers of beer (to share), and a six pack (which we ended up sharing at the game night on Sunday). Yesterday we figured we might as well go ahead and fill the truck with gas.

So today all I can hope is that my extraction is paid for before the rent check - which was deposited this morning - clears. If not, I have an emergency borrowed hundred dollars to pay for the procedure. No matter what, though, there's going to be an overdraft.

Precious, Precious Time

Oh my goodness, nine days since my last post! What have I been doing?

Not paying rent, that's for darn sure, but I have made a lot of progress.

Obviously I'm working like crazy. Thursday was a typical day: I cleaned a house from 8:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., then cleaned up before showing up at the cafe to work from 12:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. More exciting was Wednesday: up early for an appointment at the MAP office at nine a.m., waitressing at the restaurant from 11:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., and then closing the cafe!

Weekends are mostly a thing of the past. I've been working at least one shift per day, usually two, with errands in between. There have been notable exceptions to this schedule: yesterday, for instance, was spent at my best friend's baby shower, last week was a good friends going away party. For both of these events I was obliged to contribute baked goods: banana-butterscotch cupcakes for the first, three pumpkin pies from scratch (as in, starting with a pumpkin, not a can) for the latter. I also knocked out a pecan pie for a local environmental lobbying event.

So I've been busy, but not actually overwhelmed (I say now. Had I published a post, say, Tuesday night, my style would be a little more panic-stricken). My primary regret has been not having a spare moment to be on the computer even to check my e-mail, much less blog.

Darling and I had a really mild anniversary celebration on the fourth. He spent most of the day in bed recovering from oral surgery while I roasted, skinned, and pureed the aforementioned pumpkin. Normally we celebrate with a Mexican Dinner out, but financially and physically we just weren't up for that.

My MAP meeting was a success and we now have access to health care, which is so crazy amazing. Darling has already had one doctor appointment and solved the mystery of his really scary symptom I don't think I ever mentioned here: one morning several weeks ago, Darling woke up with a headache and a bleeding ear. We were all sorts of anxious about that, and he has since suffered mild hearing loss. It's a real relief knowing that he is simply one of many victims of Austin allergies, and his sinuses had become so congested that his eardrum ruptured. I have a doctor appointment for myself on Tuesday morning. We're most excited about dental appointments, but there are only three clinics we can go to and it might take awhile before we can wrangle an appointment.

Today I "accidentally" came to work a few hours early, and am now enjoying the coffee-shop atmosphere I normally enjoy from the other side of the counter. Time to catch up on some blogs :)

Space To Relate

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

- Charles Du Bos

I ran into this quote over and over again in the past eight months. It brought me hope each time. I imagined that no matter what we had to sacrifice, we'd end up stronger, smarter, better people in the end. My husband and I were prepared to bid farewell to our jobs, our home in the co-op, our friends and hobbies. What we were not anticipating was the abandonment of our basic principles.

Having survived poverty during our early marriage, Darling and I expected a lifestyle of simplicity to take effect while depending on Mom for food and shelter. We imagined heavy lunches of beans and rice, hot afternoons spent in the library reading, and mostly working outside during the long Summer evenings. I was excited to work a couple of days a week on a farm to earn free, fresh food. It wouldn't be an easy life, but it could be enjoyable.

I quickly discovered that Mom and I have very different concepts of frugality. For example, it drove her crazy when I purchased green veggies that weren't on sale, and I could barely make myself eat her super-sweet organic boxed cereals. Although Darling and I were prepared to make concessions to Mom's lifestyle, we never really thought about how her habits would affect ours. What and when she wanted to eat, what time the news and other television programs were on, and how well she slept affected us more than we could have imagined.

Slowly but surely, Darling and I let our ideals give way to compromise. In the past three months I have driven more miles, opened more bottled beverages, eaten more fast food, and watched more television than I have in the past three years (if not six) put together.

After nearly six years of dealing with poverty, peer pressure, overwork, and myriad other reasons to eat junk food and leave our morals at home, how did we let ourselves go like this? It was only by coming home to my quiet (albeit crowded) home and picking up my sewing that I recognized what we were missing at Mom's. And I kind of suspect that I'm not the only one who has these needs to be her best. So, without further ado, I suggest that no matter where you go and what you do in the world, you keep the following requirements in mind.

1. Space. And I don't mean a quiet corner, or a place to sleep at night. I mean the type of space that enable us to be ourselves. I, personally, am not my best without access to kitchen space. Take my knitting and sewing, my books (but not my pen!), but more than a day without space to prepare and enjoy food and I begin to get anxious, if not downright depressed. At the absolute least, I need a backpack with some snacks in it. Any less and things get ugly.

2. Companionship. The lone wolf is a romantic literary figure, but wolves truly expelled from the pack rarely last long on their own. Darling and I are incredibly lucky to have each other. We're luckier to have multiple communities of friends in Texas, Virginia, England, and online that support and inspire us. Although there are some awesome people in my Mom's area, we dealt with far more alienation than inspiration. Recycling was something city folk did, vegetarianism was treated like an STD, and there was no decent beer whatsoever.

This was not helped by the fact that denied the space I needed, my patience with people was severely diminished. Even Darling grated on my nerves. I found myself driving the long way home after work, dreading the next human interaction. Mistaking my need for space with a need for privacy, I twice insisted that Darling stay in Austin for the week while I was at Mom's. I can't believe I made that miserable mistake twice! Away from my husband, I ached with loneliness. I felt like I was going crazy, incapable of dealing with anyone else, but desperate for camaraderie. Without anyone to relate to, my actions seemed totally insignificant.

Without the space to explore our needs and wants, or friends with whom we could communicate our thoughts and ideas, Darling and I were less and less confident in our abilities and beliefs. I don't want to justify our minor sins, but I can recognize that my actions were the direct result of less-than-ideal circumstances. And thankfully, we can prevent these circumstances from recurring.

I think Du Bos is right, we should all embrace what we are to become, and be prepared to shed our skins at any time. But it helps to know what not to sacrifice, and how to protect our personal well-being on this journey.

Strange Endings, New Beginnings

"I need to start writing pieces about other people's problems

'Cause strangers are starting to get worried"

-Atmosphere, It Goes

How to explain the past week? Might as well try and explain a lifetime of emotional abuse, drug addiction, and mental illness. My Mom went through concentrated hell this week, the variety of which only the severely ill can concoct, and those well-versed in double-think can decipher. Phrases like "make the house much larger, and quit spending money," as well as, "you can't live in Austin, but I don't want you here." We were at her house Tuesday, but had to spend the night in the hotel because Darling couldn't handle the sobbing hysteria or chain smoking any longer. Wednesday she drove us back to Austin, as she had planned to do so before we even arrived.

Strangely, I don't feel like a failure, though maybe that's more telling than not. Nor do I feel relieved. The burden of building the house was beloved, the burden of not having anything to show for our time and toil is much heavier. And what's next for Mom? When she decides, I'll help her. But right now she's wrapped so tight in self-induced suffering that I can't touch her.

Darling and I both feel a little lost. Depleted. 50% of our life - the part that really mattered - is suddenly gone. Yesterday we joked, a little bitterly, that today would be the first of the rest of our lives.

I woke up at around 9:30 this morning, on our lumpy futon. Slid out of bed and turned off the AC, which I realized to my horror had been left on at 75 degrees all night. Normally I set it on a timer, so it cools down the room while we slip off to sleep and isn't sweltering by the time we wake up in the morning, but I apparently forgot to do so last night. It was nice to feel refreshed and totally awake, though. I decided to start the day - the rest of my life - on the right foot with some yoga and rowing.

I dressed in my most comfy clothes and went to use the erg in the den, but quickly discovered we had guests sleeping there. Instead, I busied myself with one of my favorite hobbies, and was soon kneading a basic bread dough

I had set the bread to rise and was starting on pancakes when my housemate, S, came in for coffee and asked me to help him bake a tres leches cake for his birthday. I agreed to do so after breakfast. In the meantime, my peaceful kitchen slowly filled with friends and housemates. B, home after a month in Eastern Europe, made his oatmeal while Bo made her rice for lunch. C, one of our guests, wandered through from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. S and E shared some hummus and cantaloupe and chatted about the farmers market.

The kitchen gradually emptied as S and I started on his cake. I showed him how to whip egg whites into fluff and fold them into the batter, checking on my rising bread intermittently. After putting the cake in the oven, I punched down the dough and shaped it into two loaf pans. Then I swept and mopped the floors as the scent of baking filled the (air-conditioned) air.

Having discovered that C was about to leave Austin without visiting Veggie Heaven, I asked her to join Darling and me for a late lunch. Having mostly finished the cake and waiting for the bread to finish , I sat down to start this post. I worked on it until we left to catch the bus to the restaurant.

I returned to the post after our meal, pausing to slice fruit and oversee the whipping of cream for the cake, then to sing to S and enjoy the decadent dessert. Bo, who's birthday is Saturday, asked if I would show her how to bake a carrot cake for her own celebration. Of course I agreed.

I left my housemates to wash dishes and returned to the post, interrupted a few minutes later by another guest eager to chat. Impossible to write in this house sometimes :)

If every day was like today it would be a deeply satisfying life. I certainly miss this lifestyle when juggling two jobs, two living situations two hours apart, a mad mother and an over-stressed husband. I'm wondering if I've been missing out on something obvious on my journey towards frugality and sustainability.

I'm sad, folks. I'm going to miss building the house, being with my Mom, even driving the huge truck (oh man, I never even told you guys about the truck...gotta get to that someday...). Technically, the project is on hold, but dependent on variables none of us have any say in. But The Challenge is still on, loves, and I hope you don't think too less of me. If you've lost faith in me, well, you're surely not alone. But I learned so much to share with you! It's actually strangely exciting, what happens when you give something your all and get DENIED. Go down the road least traveled and you might find out there's a good freaking reason. But that doesn't mean the alternative lifestyle is all smoke and mirrors. I might just be getting back to basic for the rest of the year: relearn the simple joys in life and rethink my place in the universe and reclaim some of the ideals I let slide. Hope y'all will join me.

Sad co-op News

I've mentioned before how absolutely ecstatic I am about living in the co-op. Our housemates are priceless, our privacy is respected, and there are endless benefits to having nine people juggling household chores.

Sadly, there's a cloud to the silver lining. Remember my slightly mad ex-landlord, whose wacky antics included repeatedly breaking our toilet (to make it more "efficient"), delivering incomprehensible bills three months late, intruding without notice, and attempting to coerce tenants into signing leases before telling us how much he would be raising rent? Well, by some twist of fate he's financially involved in our co-op. And he's spent the past three months acting a total and absolute fool, pulling the sort of tricks one might expect to see in an early nineties sitcom.

For instance, when we needed to get a new fire insurance policy (the old policy expired and the company informed us they no longer carried that option), he offered to collect quotes. When we were only able to find one quote, we asked him to share the ones he claimed to have. He declined, so we requested and received permission from the board president to go with the policy available. The madman responded by canceling our fire insurance at a $200 loss, without informing anyone, and requesting that the refund check and all information be sent to his address.

That is one of his more sane, less devastating actions.

Instead of reacting logically to curb his power and activity, however, the board of directors has made a series of choices - each more audacious than the last - that is resulting in the technical dissolution of the co-op as an institution. Why? These people (none of whom, by some wacky turn of questionably legal events, have lived in the house for the past 30 years) are completely loony. After quite a bit of thought and analysis, that's honestly all I can come up with.

After months of fighting, everyone in the house pretty much gave up and surrendered to the fact that we are effectively renters. Fairly powerful renters who set, collect, and spend our own rent, but renters all the same. And I suspect there will be some big changes on how rent is managed in the next few months.

I've talked to a lawyer or two, but ultimately it doesn't look like the house members have the drive to fight this. The situation is so bizarre, twisted, and incoherent that it's hard to even begin to explain to a third party. Although we still reap the benefits of co-op living, the principles have been eradicated: we are no longer independent individuals who democratically manage our affairs as a household.

Darling and I intend to sit tight for a while and do everything we can to help re-create what is being destroyed. We love our home and we're happy here, but I think we might be preparing to bail if evil ex-and-practically-current landlord gets any more heavy-handed.

Downward Spirals...

On the way home from Sunflower a few weeks ago I spotted a down blanket on the side of the road. I have wanted a down blanket since meeting my stepmother's about 16 years ago. I irrationally decided that this roadside find was a dream come true.

This blanket looks and smells like a dog used it as a bed for many years. I should be so lucky...a dog probably would have chewed through the fabric. It much more likely helped a homeless man through the Winter...Oh, there is something wrong with me, but I made Darling carry it home with us!

First I tried to put it through the triple-load washing machine at the laundromat (even though I've ruined more than one beautiful Salvation Army sweater ignoring "Dry Clean Only" tags in the past). It wouldn't fit. I recalled Like Merchant's Ships mentions of $5 Down Comforters found at garage sales. I didn't take the time to see what she had to say about them, I just remembered that she bought the blankets used and must have a frugal way of dealing with them. I also recalled her once cleaning something in the bathtub, so I decided to try that.

I filled the tub with hot water, added more bleach than felt comfortable, and attempted to soak the blanket.

It floated. It floated better than any pool toy I've ever owned. I could not force the entire thing under water.

After a while I drained the tub. About a gallon of water drained away. My floatation device was now a hundred-pound sponge. I wringed it out best I could (not at all), then dragged the monster out of the tub, across the hall, through the kitchen, into the sunny yard, and onto a picnic table to dry.

I am at the mercy of the sun. The horribly stained blanket is now on display to the neighbors and I smell like a wet dog. Hopefully solar power will do for my find what it did for Meredith's lace cloth.

This isn't the first roadside find that's given us trouble: trashed electronics rarely work for long - we've adopted and grown to hate cd players, lamps, vacuums, printers, and shredders. Furniture tends to be good; we love our our couch, shelving unit, and rug, but our small metal desk is rusting into the carpet.

I really want to save this blanket! I guess the next step is to drag it to the dry cleaners...

Do you ever find treasure in other folks' trash? How often do you find yourself disappointed, and how far have you gone to rescue an apparently lost cause?

*Edit*

By the time the blanket dried enough for me to lift it, I noticed that it was much more compact wet than dry. I dragged it to the laundromat and barely managed to squeeze it into a triple-load washing machine. I added detergent, bleach, and watched it spin. That got rid of the dirt and smell, now we'll see how it dries.

Debt and Repayment Plan

In the past four months we've managed to fall $3,400 deeper into debt. Without the help of a credit card or a financial institution. We are just that good.

In October I promised our lawyer $200 a month without really considering the impact on our budget. When I received a $1200 bill from my totally untrustworthy HR department at work, I canceled my benefits and offered to pay $100/week on the balance. At the start of this month I gave my brother about $300, convinced that if I really tried we could pay off the rest of our debt to him ($600) by February. In the meantime, I've totally failed at extending my deferment with my student loan company and need to keep up those $150 monthly payments.

All told, I've managed to promise $700 a month to creditors in minimum payments, which doesn't include any amount paid to my very patient brother.

The good news? If we can keep up with this payment plan we should have the layer and HR department repaid in in three months. When we come back from England in May we can expect to feel $600 richer every month, which will make paying my brother back easier. The bad news is that we need to put aside several hundred dollars for our trip to England.

...I'm really hoping Darling getting deliriously ill on his first week of training doesn't result in a dismissal.

Healthcare Debacle

Footnote at the bottom of yesterday's so-called "insurance bill:"

*** The Full Balance is due on the 9th of February. Failure to submit the full balance will result in a written warning. Failure to submit it a second time will result in termination of your benefits.***

*** Should your benefits be terminated, you are still responsible for paying back the full balance in a reasonable time. Should your balance lapse more than the reasonable amount of time, we may terminate your employment.***

I immediately e-mailed HR with the request that my benefits through them be canceled. I received a response this morning stating the following.

"I am glad you found personal insurance, however, you cannot terminate your medical insurance with ___ unless you terminate employment with us or you wait for open enrollment, which is in Sept. of this year. You are obligated to your insurance, otherwise. Or if you have a qualifying event, then that would let you out of your insurance. A qualifying event would be marriage, death, birth, reduction in hours, etc...."

So management is claiming that they can terminate our benefits if we don't pay, but not informing us that our employment is dependent on our ability to keep up with health insurance payments. Management and HR have NEVER stipulated that termination of benefits resulted in termination of employment, the footnotes on the bill even suggest otherwise. And I have heard more than one coworker discussing their decision to drop their health insurance due to the unexpected cost; many of us cannot afford this situation.

It was my clever Darling who pointed out that a reduction in hours might buy our way out of this debacle. If I claim part-time employment, even for a few months (or even weeks), I would no longer qualify for health insurance. At $400 a month, it can easily take over 40 hours for me to earn enough to pay my insurance every month. The money earned by working full-time does not cover the expense, so I'll be saving money by working less! And renewing my job hunt in the meantime.

Since HR did not confirm my $100/week payment plan, I'm going to consider that a $100/month payment plan until my brother and lawyer are paid off, and I'm not paying a cent until I get a full history of payments and charges.

Little Holiday Miracles: Butter, Linux, and Work

Darling and I purchased two pints of organic whipping cream on sale for 2/$5. Organic butter is so expensive, even on sale, that making our own seemed worthwhile. I researched the process rather briefly online before deciding to try the least complicated process.

I poured about a fourth of a pint of whipping cream into a narrow, widemouthed jar that fit easily in my hand. Then I shook it. Within a couple of minutes it became whipped cream far better than anything out of an aerosol can. As I continued shaking, it became thicker and thicker, until suddenly the butter and buttermilk separated. The result was about a 1/4 cup of incredibly delicious creamy butter. The entire process took less than ten minutes. I traded some to my neighbor in exchange for a couple of slices of bread and enjoyed buttered toast, pasta, and salad from our garden. For dessert we had iced chocolate cake made from scratch with whipped cream. I haven't checked prices to figure out if we'll be saving money by making our own butter, but the taste is so unbelievably superior I may never buy Earth Balance Buttery Spread again!

We were experimenting in the hopes of producing a most delicious and impressive sugar cookie recipe by Monday. I'm hosting a Cookie Decorating and Gingerbread Baking Party/workshop on Monday, so I need to prepare a lot of dough this weekend.

Today Darling's Christmas present arrived, but he's not putting it together until Christmas day. I mentioned before that he'll be building his own computer, but I didn't know until a few days ago that we will be using the Linux operating system. Doing some research, I'm learning that Linux is an excellent alternative to proprietary systems. I'm still very nervous though, I always figured that Linux users were super techies and I could not fathom their penguiny software. Guess I'll be finding out :)

Another present arrived via e-mail a little after the packages came: a note from our lawyer, informing us that Darling is legal to work in the U.S. again! He's so excited and can't wait to get the card.

3rd Party Charges Revisited

Remember last month when my phone bill doubled and discovered the fraudulent 3rd Party Charges? I checked my bill for this month and discovered another $13 charged to my account from one of the same companies I'd complained about last month!

I called customer service and explained the situation, asking that the charges be removed considering I'd requested 3rd party protection last month. The woman assisting me explained that although I have 3rd Party protection, that only prevents new companies from getting my information - the corporations already stealing from me have every right to continue doing so!!!
She then went on to review the (close to $100) in charges they've billed me, going so far as to say - "oh, in September they were much cheaper."

"This is a totally fraudulent company!" I tried not to yell, "They are not doing me any favors stealing less one month!"

I then called the fraudulent company and was told that all charges would be credited back to my phone account, but they couldn't guarantee I'd be protected from future charges. I've been encouraged by thieves and my phone company alike to simply not pay that portion of my bill and wait for the credit, which will take two to three months. I have never paid a bill late; my utility accounts are my only source of credit! My credit score affects my ability to rent apartments and cars, and may affect my job opportunities! I cannot believe this ridiculous door to theft is left open for all land-line users, and consumers are expected to just play their idiotic games!

3rd Party Charges

My cooking gig starts tomorrow and I have still have yet to receive confirmation on transportation nor pay rate! Watch me purse my lips and determine that everything will work out...

For Christmas last year I took charge of my Mom's telephone situation. My mother had little difficulty in this area until she helped my little sister get a cell phone. My little sister never paid a single bill, and is now pursued around the world by collectors at the devil-may-care age of 18. When Mom couldn't cover my sister's excess, her own phone line was deactivated. When Mom tried getting a new connection, she was told her credit was too appalling and would have to pay hundreds of dollars in deposits. While this wouldn't likely happen in many parts of the United States, certain companies still do hold monopolies in rural areas with high levels of poverty.

So I stepped in, had a new line set up in my own name, and take full responsibility in billing to protect my own credit. Mom pays about half of this bill, so it's not that big a deal most of the time.

This month was frustrating because the bill practically doubled for no reason. We discovered fraudulent 3rd Party Charges, and have had to call these sham companies to demand credit to our phone account. The most annoying part is that it is totally free to "block" third party charges. The only downside is that Mom won't be able to accept collect calls. Still, you'd think the company would have mentioned that when setting up an account. Imagine opening an account with a bank, and finding out a year later that it has neither password nor verification process. "You mean you didn't want just anyone to come in and take money from you? You wanted a lock on your assets?" the bank gasps when you demand to know why they let total strangers wander into your vault. Then the bank suggests you find those thieves and demand your money back - and to please pay this overdraft fee!

Emotional Overdraft

I've worked almost all day every day since coming back to Austin, but haven't had much luck in the tip-earning department. In fact, 8 hours at work today earned me nothing more than disappointment. I applied for a job at Whole Foods I don't qualify for to make myself feel better :)

Hurting like this financially is pretty devastating. It's making little pains - a disagreement with friends, usual family drama, the fact that I haven't spent time with Darling since Sunday, my nervousness over school - feel much bigger and more important than they really are. I really fear my first ever "late rent" conversation with our landlord, whom I still resent for upping our rent $40. I am trying to think proactively, and having a difficult time with it. I can take responsibility for my actions (maybe), but haven't quite mastered my emotions about them. I'm trying to keep in mind that generally, my job and lifestyle are perfectly functional and sustainable: we tripped up. I don't necessarily need to change jobs, move, drop out of school, and swear never to travel again. Because our overdraft wasn't the fault of my employer, landlord, or tuition. It was the fault of my choosing not to keep very good records or be financially responsible for a weekend.

And it was kind of worth it.

Ow Ow Ow Ow OW!

I'm Back! And I am a shell of my former self, financially speaking. The trip to Grand Isle was expensive.

Why? After all, what's a few days camping on the beach, and reserving a room in a hotel, and bringing my Mom's car so we wouldn't have to rent...and my mom...

First off, yet again procrastination cost us more than we could have imagined. Darling didn't expect the island campsites to be all booked up - primarily because we have only ever camped places that were not crowded at all - and forgot to reserve our spot! Over $100 went to two nights in a hotel. We also didn't pack much food and went on a brief spending spree on the island. By the way, Island groceries? Expensive. Like, a lot expensive. And then there was my Mom and pepsi. I did not realize before this trip that my mom drinks more pepsi than water. And has to be pepsi, in a cup, with ice. At least two every day. Often as many as four. And if she couldn't get pepsi, run for your life. She also has an apparent fear of restaurants that she battles by ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Did I ever mention her father was a millionaire? I think Mom developed some habits growing up in country clubs that haven't yet been tempered by being poor her entire adult life. A desperate desire to meet the birthday boy's whims and sate Mom's addictions basically led me to throw money at them in a desperate attempt to buy a good holiday.

So, long story short, we over drafted. A lot. Not only did we dig ourselves over $200 in a hole, but we procured over $140 in fees. As I was holding the wallet, it was my responsibility to keep us in check. And...I didn't.

Sorry it's been so long posting, and sorry I might not have much time online for a few days as I hustle to correct my mistakes. I purchased a pretty expensive lesson this weekend!

First Day Of School

Survived my first day of class, though it was a little overwhelming. I'd forgotten how much stress I feel in a classroom environment. The professor was a little unenthusiastic about the drafting life in general (anybody who's anybody wants to be a designer, maybe even an engineer or architect) but it's obviously an exact science that takes lots of skill and practice. He was very positive about the job market, citing numerous cases in which second-semester students landed fairly great jobs. I'd like to have a "real" job for fall semester, so this is pretty important to me.

Because I was so sick over the weekend we are behind financially. We haven't gone shopping yet this week, we still have some May bills to pay, and I have to buy a small $25 tool kit from the school. We'll be withholding charity (again) and drawing some cash from the emergency fund to make rent. Which is not how I wanted to start this semester.

Doubts

Today I seriously considered giving up my hopes of going to college this Summer and spending my part of the tuition money ($800) on a trip to VA instead. Not sure what I'm going to do. Been promising myself this trip since August, and don't know how I can accomplish both. Am I fooling myself that I can work full time, go to school full time, and care for a community garden this Summer while supporting an unemployed husband also going to school full time?