One thing that really saddens me about my generation is how broken up families have become. Even among sustainable/frugal/cooperative folks, there is a serious disconnect between community and family.
When I talk about broken families, I don't mean divorce. My gaggle of
brothers and sisters is the result of about six parents, and I wouldn't
have it any other way. What I'm talking about is a tendency to get as
far away from mothers, fathers, grandparents, and cousins as possible
and then start talking about community. So many of us seem to start our journeys with a clean slate.
Maybe I'm sensitive to this because my parents were hippies. I am second generation subculture. Like so many of my friends today, my parents found it necessary to reject their own, leave town, and forge an entirely new lifestyle from scratch. As a result, I was estranged from my grandparents and can't remember my cousins' names. As a result, I was that much more vulnerable to the trials and tribulations of my upbringing. What my parents couldn't provide, I did without. There was no back-up, no safety net, no one to fill in the blanks.
I think it's common for folks who have had my experience to run away from their dysfunctional families. Unfortunately, we take our upbringing with us when we run. Wherever we settle, we'll find our mother's anxiety, our father's neglect, our stepmother's criticism, our stepfather's addiction, and our own collection of coping mechanisms.
When we try and create new communities from scratch, we bring all that with us. For the short-term, we may overcome our personal issues for the sake of a higher ideal. But we absolutely will not heal entirely by virtue of a "family-like" atmosphere alone. And when practically everyone is running away and starting over somewhere else, we create an entire culture of coping amnesiac sub-families.
This is not a critique of alternative communities, communes, and cooperatives. The tribes we create are valuable and necessary extensions of what we are born into. In fact, I believe that my housing cooperative has taught me how to be a better sister, daughter, wife, and aunt. I just need to take those lessons back to my biological family and put them to use.
No one grew up without skinning a knee. That's just the way it is. The scars may last a lifetime, and maybe we'll never again run with such joyous, reckless abandon. But that's no reason to give up on sidewalks altogether, and the solution will not be found in brand new sidewalks across the state. We have to learn from our mistakes, and the mistakes of our parents, and those of our grandparents. We have to acknowledge what went wrong, which behaviors made things worse, and how to avoid those pitfalls in the future. We have to learn to love so hard that we can forgive ourselves for all the pain and the misery that happens in every single family in the world.
This is how families grow strong and healthy, and how a place becomes a community.
Showing posts with label Family and Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family and Friends. Show all posts
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Ali's Shower
My stepsister, Ali, had the most lovely baby shower yesterday!
My stepmother went all out. She served tarts, cream pastries, and trays of home-made sandwiches on silver serving platters. There were half a dozen choices of loose leaf teas to be served with sugar cubes and cream. She HIRED A HARPIST, which officially made the baby shower more elaborate than my wedding. The tables were set with lace tablecloths, linen napkins, and fresh cut tulips.
I arrived early to arrange tarts and fold napkins. During the gift-giving, one of my fears was realized and someone else got Ali the same gift as me, but of course the gift receipt was included and I'm sure the refunded cash will be appreciated. I did not get the hat finished, of course, but I will before the baby is born.
I discovered that I knit like I cook. Recipes are fun and informative at first, especially when learning. But I've never, ever been able to crack open a cookbook, choose a recipe, and select ingredients accordingly. Instead I decide to bake, say, a casserole with sweet potatoes, broccoli, and coconut milk. Then I have to find a recipe that at least comes close to producing what I want with what I have...even if it turns out to be a recipe for spinach and broccoli quiche.
I've done the same thing in pursuit of the baby hat: I chose the yarn and cloth, then tried to find a corresponding pattern. And, of course, couldn't. It also doesn't help that I don't really know how to read patterns in the first place. But in the same way I know that blending sugar, butter, and chocolate in almost any quantity will result in delicious, I'm fairly certain that knitting and purling a beautiful yarn will result, somehow, in a lovely garment. It's just a matter of quantity and care. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I'll let you know how it turns out.
My stepmother went all out. She served tarts, cream pastries, and trays of home-made sandwiches on silver serving platters. There were half a dozen choices of loose leaf teas to be served with sugar cubes and cream. She HIRED A HARPIST, which officially made the baby shower more elaborate than my wedding. The tables were set with lace tablecloths, linen napkins, and fresh cut tulips.
I arrived early to arrange tarts and fold napkins. During the gift-giving, one of my fears was realized and someone else got Ali the same gift as me, but of course the gift receipt was included and I'm sure the refunded cash will be appreciated. I did not get the hat finished, of course, but I will before the baby is born.
I discovered that I knit like I cook. Recipes are fun and informative at first, especially when learning. But I've never, ever been able to crack open a cookbook, choose a recipe, and select ingredients accordingly. Instead I decide to bake, say, a casserole with sweet potatoes, broccoli, and coconut milk. Then I have to find a recipe that at least comes close to producing what I want with what I have...even if it turns out to be a recipe for spinach and broccoli quiche.
I've done the same thing in pursuit of the baby hat: I chose the yarn and cloth, then tried to find a corresponding pattern. And, of course, couldn't. It also doesn't help that I don't really know how to read patterns in the first place. But in the same way I know that blending sugar, butter, and chocolate in almost any quantity will result in delicious, I'm fairly certain that knitting and purling a beautiful yarn will result, somehow, in a lovely garment. It's just a matter of quantity and care. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Last Work Week of 2011
Things have improved at work pretty substantially: I think the some of the boys were right ashamed with themselves and the project as a whole has moved on. So far we have had a four day week, a three day week, and can expect a four day week to start off 2012.
I'm enjoying the light load. Monday Darling and I had a great belated Christmas dinner with friends and it was a little bizarre having to pull ourselves away by nine that evening! Weeks ago, we were staying up with the same friends until three or four in the morning. Even though we were in bed by ten that night I was completely knackered at work on Tuesday. It didn't help that Raja and Xy were having a moving-truck-packing party that evening. After eight hours of lifting and moving heavy things I drove to their house and moved heavy things for another four hours. I had to leave before they were totally finished, exhausted and desperate for bed, and it wasn't a good way to say goodbye. They left town before I got out of work the next day.
Wednesday I came home from work and went straight to sleep, so today I felt great! We're kind of knocking out the work faster than they can print out the checks, so for two weeks now my crew worked half days and got paid in full. Which is nice besides the fact that we are working ourselves out of our jobs :) I came home and sort of stared at the stove for a few minutes - yesterday I had just enough energy to make a stir-fry veggie satay before crashing - but ended up crawling back into bed for another four-hour nap instead!
Now I have The Weekend, the last weekend of the year, a decent amount of money, friends to celebrate it with, and no concrete plans. The only flaw on the horizon (besides, perhaps, the sad imaginary specter of Raja and Xy's moving van trundling into the icy distance) is that we still don't know Darling's exact start-date for his next job. But we have four days to figure that out, and a weekend to spend together in the meantime. Who could ask for more?
I'm enjoying the light load. Monday Darling and I had a great belated Christmas dinner with friends and it was a little bizarre having to pull ourselves away by nine that evening! Weeks ago, we were staying up with the same friends until three or four in the morning. Even though we were in bed by ten that night I was completely knackered at work on Tuesday. It didn't help that Raja and Xy were having a moving-truck-packing party that evening. After eight hours of lifting and moving heavy things I drove to their house and moved heavy things for another four hours. I had to leave before they were totally finished, exhausted and desperate for bed, and it wasn't a good way to say goodbye. They left town before I got out of work the next day.
Wednesday I came home from work and went straight to sleep, so today I felt great! We're kind of knocking out the work faster than they can print out the checks, so for two weeks now my crew worked half days and got paid in full. Which is nice besides the fact that we are working ourselves out of our jobs :) I came home and sort of stared at the stove for a few minutes - yesterday I had just enough energy to make a stir-fry veggie satay before crashing - but ended up crawling back into bed for another four-hour nap instead!
Now I have The Weekend, the last weekend of the year, a decent amount of money, friends to celebrate it with, and no concrete plans. The only flaw on the horizon (besides, perhaps, the sad imaginary specter of Raja and Xy's moving van trundling into the icy distance) is that we still don't know Darling's exact start-date for his next job. But we have four days to figure that out, and a weekend to spend together in the meantime. Who could ask for more?
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saying Goodbye To Raja and Xy
Raja told me yesterday that she, Xy, and baby Oblio are moving to Minnesota. In January. In fact, I think they plan to leave on or by the first.
I've been accused - by Raja herself, actually - of being hypocritical regarding my friends' choices to travel and relocate. During my late teens and early twenties, "home" was a very casual concept for me. I up and left apartments, cities, and communities with neither thought nor care. God forbid my friends even move across town, though, where I'll never see them again.
I think moving from Virginia to Texas was the rude awakening. I experienced acute and desperate homesickness that makes me hesitate to once more tear up my roots. I even suspect that yesterday's essay on cooperative living reflects my fear of inevitable departure more than anything else. So finding out that one of my best friends is up and leaving in four weeks just kind of makes me feel numb all over.
I can relate, of course, with the urge to pull up stakes and reinvent myself across the country. Darling and I talk about it a lot - not in an icy tundra, of course - but, y'know, somewhere. Heck, I can't even really deny the logic of simply joining Darling in Temple for 2012. Especially now the godbaby is out of the picture...
I've been accused - by Raja herself, actually - of being hypocritical regarding my friends' choices to travel and relocate. During my late teens and early twenties, "home" was a very casual concept for me. I up and left apartments, cities, and communities with neither thought nor care. God forbid my friends even move across town, though, where I'll never see them again.
I think moving from Virginia to Texas was the rude awakening. I experienced acute and desperate homesickness that makes me hesitate to once more tear up my roots. I even suspect that yesterday's essay on cooperative living reflects my fear of inevitable departure more than anything else. So finding out that one of my best friends is up and leaving in four weeks just kind of makes me feel numb all over.
I can relate, of course, with the urge to pull up stakes and reinvent myself across the country. Darling and I talk about it a lot - not in an icy tundra, of course - but, y'know, somewhere. Heck, I can't even really deny the logic of simply joining Darling in Temple for 2012. Especially now the godbaby is out of the picture...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Benefits of Cooperative Living
Last night the house hosted a potluck and clothing swap. I got to stuff myself silly with pie and found two "new" shirts. My cousin-in-law K attended, which was very cool. She's going back to college and trying to move out of her family home and I had a very, very hard time not spewing cooperative propaganda. I kept catching myself, not meaning to preach but strangely overwhelmed by my own enthusiasm.
I didn't realize just how in love with this lifestyle I am before last night, when the benefits had to be described in hard numbers and casual ease. "The rents is so low," I said, "and we have procedures to handle any social issues that arise." It was like describing the benefits of marriage in terms of filing taxes and acquiring health insurance. The finances are the most shallow and celebrated nature of cooperative living. In the meantime, the friendships, support, and challenges are immeasurably more valuable and almost impossible to talk about. Especially the challenges, which have made me a better, stronger, and more loving person than I could have imagined. The challenges that have pushed Darling and me to experience our marriage as the intricate institution that it is, to tear it down and rebuild it as constantly as we ourselves are forced to evolve.
It never gets easier. Marriage, friendships, family...the same B.S. rears its ugly head time and time again, year after year, generation after generation. Many of our behaviors are learned, others seem hopelessly embedded in our DNA. I walk in the shadow of Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism, the twin guardsmen of my family's genetic down-spiral. Do you know how that comes into play in terms of social cooperation?
The successful group environment demands the best of us, all the time, there's no room for the micro-biological in terms of running a household or business or family. Not to suggest we don't face those obstacles, quite the contrary. Our housemates get depressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken, and fall off their personal wagons every week. They lose jobs and family members and sometimes their dignity. But they are never left to languish, never allowed to backtrack too far. As a group, we focus on moving forward becoming better. The building blocks of health - a moderately clean home, wholesome groceries, heat and hot water - are consistently available. Someone is always available to listen, someone who knows and cares about you. Spend a week in bed, or partying too hard, or whatever. But next week? You have to get the groceries. You have to make the meetings. You have to be the shoulder to cry on, make the tea, hunt down a bottle of Asprin...Also? We have to paint the house, fix the fridge, haul out the trash, plant the garlic, hold a yard sale, stop by Habitat for Humanity, plan a fundraiser, and rework the budget.
Those learned habits and behaviors? We overcome them. Over time, we discover the difference between who we are and who we choose to be. We learn that doing the dishes, by hand, after every meal is so easy that dishwashers are a laughable invention, even for a household of nine. We learn that replacing the motor in a washing machine is easy even if we're not "handy." We learn that certain tones of voice aren't necessary to make our point, then we question what makes us angry and why. We learn that cooking isn't such a mystery after all, we learn how to ask for help, we learn how to listen.
We change for the better. So maybe the next bad week won't be quite as devastating as the last.
Not every housing co-op is for every person. There are many, many dysfunctional group living situations - Darling and I have both lived in several. Our own house has been through some very rough times and perhaps wasn't the most nourishing place to live at one time or another. But the reward of looking, working, and honestly trying to build a group home is indefinable. I wish I could give it to every young adult and every mature senior who feels alone and unappreciated, everyone who has something to learn and something to teach, every couple who lacks the family context necessary to thrive. Hopefully that's where our world is heading towards, a revival of large families and tight-knit communities, a replacement of the "independent" man with the empowered individual. Hopefully I get to be a part of that for the rest of my life.
I didn't realize just how in love with this lifestyle I am before last night, when the benefits had to be described in hard numbers and casual ease. "The rents is so low," I said, "and we have procedures to handle any social issues that arise." It was like describing the benefits of marriage in terms of filing taxes and acquiring health insurance. The finances are the most shallow and celebrated nature of cooperative living. In the meantime, the friendships, support, and challenges are immeasurably more valuable and almost impossible to talk about. Especially the challenges, which have made me a better, stronger, and more loving person than I could have imagined. The challenges that have pushed Darling and me to experience our marriage as the intricate institution that it is, to tear it down and rebuild it as constantly as we ourselves are forced to evolve.
It never gets easier. Marriage, friendships, family...the same B.S. rears its ugly head time and time again, year after year, generation after generation. Many of our behaviors are learned, others seem hopelessly embedded in our DNA. I walk in the shadow of Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism, the twin guardsmen of my family's genetic down-spiral. Do you know how that comes into play in terms of social cooperation?
The successful group environment demands the best of us, all the time, there's no room for the micro-biological in terms of running a household or business or family. Not to suggest we don't face those obstacles, quite the contrary. Our housemates get depressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken, and fall off their personal wagons every week. They lose jobs and family members and sometimes their dignity. But they are never left to languish, never allowed to backtrack too far. As a group, we focus on moving forward becoming better. The building blocks of health - a moderately clean home, wholesome groceries, heat and hot water - are consistently available. Someone is always available to listen, someone who knows and cares about you. Spend a week in bed, or partying too hard, or whatever. But next week? You have to get the groceries. You have to make the meetings. You have to be the shoulder to cry on, make the tea, hunt down a bottle of Asprin...Also? We have to paint the house, fix the fridge, haul out the trash, plant the garlic, hold a yard sale, stop by Habitat for Humanity, plan a fundraiser, and rework the budget.
Those learned habits and behaviors? We overcome them. Over time, we discover the difference between who we are and who we choose to be. We learn that doing the dishes, by hand, after every meal is so easy that dishwashers are a laughable invention, even for a household of nine. We learn that replacing the motor in a washing machine is easy even if we're not "handy." We learn that certain tones of voice aren't necessary to make our point, then we question what makes us angry and why. We learn that cooking isn't such a mystery after all, we learn how to ask for help, we learn how to listen.
We change for the better. So maybe the next bad week won't be quite as devastating as the last.
Not every housing co-op is for every person. There are many, many dysfunctional group living situations - Darling and I have both lived in several. Our own house has been through some very rough times and perhaps wasn't the most nourishing place to live at one time or another. But the reward of looking, working, and honestly trying to build a group home is indefinable. I wish I could give it to every young adult and every mature senior who feels alone and unappreciated, everyone who has something to learn and something to teach, every couple who lacks the family context necessary to thrive. Hopefully that's where our world is heading towards, a revival of large families and tight-knit communities, a replacement of the "independent" man with the empowered individual. Hopefully I get to be a part of that for the rest of my life.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
NIght Owl Finances
The coffee fudge was a total fail. I whipped up a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies at the last minute, packed them into a paper bag, and arrived at game night quite late. Fortunately my friends are as much night owls as I have become, and we all had no problem hanging out until four in the morning. We ate home-made enchiladas and played the Game of Thrones board game, which was good fun and quite complicated.
Darling and I spent most of today catching up on our sleep. I served blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, toast, fruit, and iced early grey tea for breakfast, and now Darling is facilitating the last board meeting over which he will preside as president.
I took the time to look over our financial situation, which isn't bad considering we both spent most of August totally unemployed and only one of us worked for a total of two and a half weeks in September. Darling received two paychecks and has a third on the way. He spent some of his first check on living expenses and supplies, and I immediately put half a tank of gas in the truck when he got back...
...Oh, by the way, I'm borrowing my Mom's truck as of a few weeks ago. Before anyone gets huffy about it, I've driven the truck about three times in three weeks. A potential carpentry job came up in Killeen and while it would suck to have to drive that far, it will suck a whole lot more to never be a carpenter because I can't get to work-sites. My goal is to get steady work nearby that within carpool or even bike range, but until that happens I have to be available for anything...
Anyway, the money we have on hand is just short of what we need to pay what we owe for this month's rent. I'm going to transfer $40 from the small savings account I really hate to touch and deposit that check on Wednesday. We should receive the rest of Darling's pay by next Friday which, along with a little more money out of our savings account, should cover October rent. I hate to drain our tiny savings just when it was becoming useful, but that's being unemployed and having a big ol' bill hanging over us. It will be a big relief to be totally caught up :)
Darling and I spent most of today catching up on our sleep. I served blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, toast, fruit, and iced early grey tea for breakfast, and now Darling is facilitating the last board meeting over which he will preside as president.
I took the time to look over our financial situation, which isn't bad considering we both spent most of August totally unemployed and only one of us worked for a total of two and a half weeks in September. Darling received two paychecks and has a third on the way. He spent some of his first check on living expenses and supplies, and I immediately put half a tank of gas in the truck when he got back...
...Oh, by the way, I'm borrowing my Mom's truck as of a few weeks ago. Before anyone gets huffy about it, I've driven the truck about three times in three weeks. A potential carpentry job came up in Killeen and while it would suck to have to drive that far, it will suck a whole lot more to never be a carpenter because I can't get to work-sites. My goal is to get steady work nearby that within carpool or even bike range, but until that happens I have to be available for anything...
Anyway, the money we have on hand is just short of what we need to pay what we owe for this month's rent. I'm going to transfer $40 from the small savings account I really hate to touch and deposit that check on Wednesday. We should receive the rest of Darling's pay by next Friday which, along with a little more money out of our savings account, should cover October rent. I hate to drain our tiny savings just when it was becoming useful, but that's being unemployed and having a big ol' bill hanging over us. It will be a big relief to be totally caught up :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Firsts
My elder brother came to visit from Ohio on Monday. Going out to dinner with family was a nice way to spend Darling's last day in town. Tuesday morning I drove him to his new employer's house, from which they car-pooled to Big Springs. Afterward I ran some errands, drove my Mom home, and spent the night at her house.
The next day I drove Mom's truck back to Austin and had just enough time to chat briefly with Darling via Facebook. It sounds like he really lucked out with his roommate, worked his butt off, and is enjoying having a pool at the hotel to fall into after long days in the sun.
Yesterday was my first class at the union. I don't have a problem admitting to finally experiencing some doubt about the situation. Doubt is perfectly acceptable in my world. Especially since it feels like Darling and I are finally making progress towards where we want to be and what we want to be doing. I have another class tonight that should focus more on the physical work of carpentry, though, and that will give me a much better idea of what to expect in the coming months.
The next day I drove Mom's truck back to Austin and had just enough time to chat briefly with Darling via Facebook. It sounds like he really lucked out with his roommate, worked his butt off, and is enjoying having a pool at the hotel to fall into after long days in the sun.
Yesterday was my first class at the union. I don't have a problem admitting to finally experiencing some doubt about the situation. Doubt is perfectly acceptable in my world. Especially since it feels like Darling and I are finally making progress towards where we want to be and what we want to be doing. I have another class tonight that should focus more on the physical work of carpentry, though, and that will give me a much better idea of what to expect in the coming months.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Approaching Change
It's Sunday? How is it Sunday already?
I am definitely taking it easy today. Between Friday and Saturday I joined a union, spent fifteen hours babysitting, about twelve hours commuting to and from north Austin, six hours scrubbing my stepmom's house, and got about six hours of sleep.
I crashed last night feeling as though a week had gone by in two days. Slept in this morning and came straight home from my stepmom's thinking only of coffee. Back at the house I made scrambled eggs, spinach, and toast for breakfast, and am now sitting directly in front of the A/C. I was thinking of baking, but it is 111 F. in Austin and I can't quite muster the enthusiasm to turn on the oven. I even missed my appointment with Dad.
I haven't had time to mull the carpenter thing over yet. I start class the same day Darling starts his new job 350 miles away. By the time he comes back in November I should be working full-time on construction sites and he'll either have a job in the solar field or an electrician apprenticeship. I'm excited, really, but sort of dumbfounded at the same time.
I am definitely taking it easy today. Between Friday and Saturday I joined a union, spent fifteen hours babysitting, about twelve hours commuting to and from north Austin, six hours scrubbing my stepmom's house, and got about six hours of sleep.
I crashed last night feeling as though a week had gone by in two days. Slept in this morning and came straight home from my stepmom's thinking only of coffee. Back at the house I made scrambled eggs, spinach, and toast for breakfast, and am now sitting directly in front of the A/C. I was thinking of baking, but it is 111 F. in Austin and I can't quite muster the enthusiasm to turn on the oven. I even missed my appointment with Dad.
I haven't had time to mull the carpenter thing over yet. I start class the same day Darling starts his new job 350 miles away. By the time he comes back in November I should be working full-time on construction sites and he'll either have a job in the solar field or an electrician apprenticeship. I'm excited, really, but sort of dumbfounded at the same time.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Re-Union and Scrubfest
Yesterday I headed down from my stepmom's house to relieve Darling of babysitting duty at the co-op. Even though I was awake at seven and heading for the bus within the hour, I didn't get home until nine-thirty. Not enjoying that commute.
Since Darling had been up since six a.m. I sent him to take a nap and proceeded the cuddle my Godson to death. A friend dropped in during her lunch hour and we chatted. Normally I ignore the phone if it rings while I have company (most of my friends accuse me of ignoring it altogether), but my guest happened to notice and read aloud the caller I.D. "Austin's Carpenter...?"
The union! I quickly answered the phone. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I thought they blew me off? Not so much. They warned that there still isn't much work to be had in town, but wanted to sign me up for classes in September!
I went to the hall as soon as the baby was picked up, filled out a million sheets of paper, and was handed several constitutions, tool lists, class descriptions, and a pamphlet regarding my future pension fund. Within the space of a couple of hours I shifted careers and became a member of an organization that calls itself a brotherhood.
I caught the bus back to my stepmom's in something of a daze, but was focused by the time I got to her house. I mentioned yesterday that the filth factor there is getting out of hand. The poor woman has two dogs, a crazy work schedule, and is losing her vision, so I guess things got a little out of her control. I dug out a sponge, filled a pan with hot water, vinegar, and dish soap, and hunted down the vacuum cleaner. Four hours later I had dusted and displaced a million knick-knacks and scrubbed the shelving and other flat surfaces, vacuumed the furniture, lampshades, rugs, and floors in the living room and guest room, and lit a couple of candles. I'm hoping that by the time she gets home I'll have reached the polished furniture and scrubbed porcelain stage, but right now I'm happy just to be able to breathe at night.
Since Darling had been up since six a.m. I sent him to take a nap and proceeded the cuddle my Godson to death. A friend dropped in during her lunch hour and we chatted. Normally I ignore the phone if it rings while I have company (most of my friends accuse me of ignoring it altogether), but my guest happened to notice and read aloud the caller I.D. "Austin's Carpenter...?"
The union! I quickly answered the phone. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I thought they blew me off? Not so much. They warned that there still isn't much work to be had in town, but wanted to sign me up for classes in September!
I went to the hall as soon as the baby was picked up, filled out a million sheets of paper, and was handed several constitutions, tool lists, class descriptions, and a pamphlet regarding my future pension fund. Within the space of a couple of hours I shifted careers and became a member of an organization that calls itself a brotherhood.
I caught the bus back to my stepmom's in something of a daze, but was focused by the time I got to her house. I mentioned yesterday that the filth factor there is getting out of hand. The poor woman has two dogs, a crazy work schedule, and is losing her vision, so I guess things got a little out of her control. I dug out a sponge, filled a pan with hot water, vinegar, and dish soap, and hunted down the vacuum cleaner. Four hours later I had dusted and displaced a million knick-knacks and scrubbed the shelving and other flat surfaces, vacuumed the furniture, lampshades, rugs, and floors in the living room and guest room, and lit a couple of candles. I'm hoping that by the time she gets home I'll have reached the polished furniture and scrubbed porcelain stage, but right now I'm happy just to be able to breathe at night.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Cake And Cleaning
Wednesday was Darling's birthday. I woke up early to make him a ridiculously awesome birthday breakfast of two giant pancakes that barely fit on his plate, set the dough to rise for his pizza dinner, and blended the dry ingredients for his cake.
Upon discovering that I needed to take the bus up north to pick up my Mom, a three hour endeavor at best, I stuck the dough in the refrigerator to slow the process. Sure enough, after travelling up there by bus, driving back in traffic, and stopping at the store for extra ingredients, we didn't get back until 5:30 in the afternoon. And dinner was at 7:00.
With Mom's help chopping vegetables, I was able to knock out 5 delicious pizzas and a double layer chocolate cake topped with a thin layer of cherry jam and fresh whipped cream. I also served store-bought potato salad, chips, and a giant green salad.
It was definitely (and unfortunately) one of those parties that kept me on my feet in the kitchen the entire time. Even less fortunately, after bidding farewell to our guests and cleaning up, Darling and I had to get to my step-mom's house house to care for her dogs. I agreed to do this while she cares for my step-sister and newborn step-niece with the assumption that I'd take a week off from the co-op and many of my responsibilities and spend the week cuddling puppy dogs and watching cable television.
Not only have I failed to shake many of my weekly obligations (yesterday I had to shop for the house, today and tomorrow Darling and I babysit), but I quickly realized that my step-mom's house desperately needs a very deep clean. I will not be able to sleep soundly - or walk barefoot - in that place without the help of some hardcore scrubbing action.
Heh. Last weekend I worried that boredom might rear its ugly head. This week finds me as busy as ever, juggling family and friends and the co-op like so many flaming chainsaws. And still people ask when I'll be working again. Who on Earth has time to work? I don't need work, I need a freaking vacation.
Upon discovering that I needed to take the bus up north to pick up my Mom, a three hour endeavor at best, I stuck the dough in the refrigerator to slow the process. Sure enough, after travelling up there by bus, driving back in traffic, and stopping at the store for extra ingredients, we didn't get back until 5:30 in the afternoon. And dinner was at 7:00.
With Mom's help chopping vegetables, I was able to knock out 5 delicious pizzas and a double layer chocolate cake topped with a thin layer of cherry jam and fresh whipped cream. I also served store-bought potato salad, chips, and a giant green salad.
It was definitely (and unfortunately) one of those parties that kept me on my feet in the kitchen the entire time. Even less fortunately, after bidding farewell to our guests and cleaning up, Darling and I had to get to my step-mom's house house to care for her dogs. I agreed to do this while she cares for my step-sister and newborn step-niece with the assumption that I'd take a week off from the co-op and many of my responsibilities and spend the week cuddling puppy dogs and watching cable television.
Not only have I failed to shake many of my weekly obligations (yesterday I had to shop for the house, today and tomorrow Darling and I babysit), but I quickly realized that my step-mom's house desperately needs a very deep clean. I will not be able to sleep soundly - or walk barefoot - in that place without the help of some hardcore scrubbing action.
Heh. Last weekend I worried that boredom might rear its ugly head. This week finds me as busy as ever, juggling family and friends and the co-op like so many flaming chainsaws. And still people ask when I'll be working again. Who on Earth has time to work? I don't need work, I need a freaking vacation.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Big Trip
I'm embarking on my longest bike journey yet, 14.5 miles one way to visit my friend and Godbaby in the hospital. Of course I was in the waiting room last night when Oblio was born, but who can stay away?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Cast of Characters
When Darling and I first moved to Austin and started this blog, the two of us pretty much stuck to ourselves. I wrote about our weekly grocery trips and where are paychecks went, only occasionally mentioning the rare night out with friends and only ever giving my little sister a serious pseudonym.
These days a lot of my frugality has to do with daily interactions with friends, family, housemates, and coworkers. I lose track of who I've introduced and by what name. So, for those of you so fascinated with my life, I present you with a cast of characters of whom I can refer to from now on:
Family
These days a lot of my frugality has to do with daily interactions with friends, family, housemates, and coworkers. I lose track of who I've introduced and by what name. So, for those of you so fascinated with my life, I present you with a cast of characters of whom I can refer to from now on:
Family
- Mom
- Dad
- Rox - my stepmom
- Tricia - my adopted Mom, who supported me during my last couple of year's of high school
- Eb - my elder brother by about twenty years
- Froggy - Eb's small daughter
- Ob - my older brother by about five years
- JK - Ob's wife
- BabyO - Ob's baby girl
- Lenore - My little sister, four years younger than me (two inches taller, thirty pounds thinner...)
- Wang - Lenore's husband
- Ambi - Known since I was eleven, Tricia's daughter, and smartest person I know. She builds lasers for the university and taught me to make beer.
- Mordi - Ambi's boyfriend since we were fifteen, he's been running games for us ever since.
- Dani - best friend from East Texas (actually, she is Canadian, but moved here in elementary school). She's currently renting a room from Lenore and Wang while going to grad school.
- Raja - was introduced to me when we were juniors in high school by Ambi, we've been hardcore tight ever since.
- Xy - Raja's husband
- Rin
- BS
- SK
- Bo
- Vin
- Em
- Mimi
Monday, January 24, 2011
ACC and Baby O
Last week Darling was supposed to start school, but an on-line administration error dropped him from all of his classes - for which he registered in October - the weekend before his first day. He stood in line for hours and even tried to make his case to the dean, but at least so far the verdict is that the ACC computers don't make mistakes (HA!), except for the inexplicable withdrawal from our bank account the day we claim to have registered...A week later, and I am still too furious to really write about this...
(Also, we have been given quite a bit of good advice on this, but Darling can not just "sit in" on these classes as the technical lectures are usually very computer heavy and require signing on and completing work via Blackboard, an online education website. There are also no distance learning versions of these classes. These classes are in very high demand and are taught once a year in a single time slot by a single professor...that's why it is so frustrating to miss an entire semester).
Today is my last day sitting for BabyO, my brother's daughter. She is on the verge of learning to walk, and her parents believe that their childproof home is safer than the co-op. That's fair, but I'm not up to the 3-4 hour commute to and from their house every Monday, so I'm bowing out of the weekly rotation.
I'm not abandoning the baby game altogether, though. My friend Raja is due on the 27th of February. This is her first baby and she and her husband, Xy, are going to need lots of support. I'm going to make myself extra-available to them for several months, starting the week before she's due. Because they intend to work like crazy up to the absolute last minute, I'm going to arrange my schedule so that I'll be nearby Raja when Xy is at work. Eventually, when the baby has made himself comfortable in the world and his Mom goes back to work, I'll be babysitting him on Fridays. Darling says I'm basically trading O in for a younger model.
(Also, we have been given quite a bit of good advice on this, but Darling can not just "sit in" on these classes as the technical lectures are usually very computer heavy and require signing on and completing work via Blackboard, an online education website. There are also no distance learning versions of these classes. These classes are in very high demand and are taught once a year in a single time slot by a single professor...that's why it is so frustrating to miss an entire semester).
Today is my last day sitting for BabyO, my brother's daughter. She is on the verge of learning to walk, and her parents believe that their childproof home is safer than the co-op. That's fair, but I'm not up to the 3-4 hour commute to and from their house every Monday, so I'm bowing out of the weekly rotation.
I'm not abandoning the baby game altogether, though. My friend Raja is due on the 27th of February. This is her first baby and she and her husband, Xy, are going to need lots of support. I'm going to make myself extra-available to them for several months, starting the week before she's due. Because they intend to work like crazy up to the absolute last minute, I'm going to arrange my schedule so that I'll be nearby Raja when Xy is at work. Eventually, when the baby has made himself comfortable in the world and his Mom goes back to work, I'll be babysitting him on Fridays. Darling says I'm basically trading O in for a younger model.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Christmas Miracle
Look everyone! I got a soapbox for Christmas!
I'm a little younger than some of my readers. At 25 I don't have a whole lot of worldly wisdom to bestow. But I experienced something this Christmas that a LOT of families could benefit from. If you are recently divorced with young children, I would not be surprised if the following situation is too far-fetched or painful to imagine. If you were neglected by your parents, homeless before you finished high school, and still can't quite forgive those jerks who left you high and dry when you needed them most, I won't blame you for scoffing at this post. I've been there.
But please, for the sake of your children, parents, and siblings, read this post and file it away, mentally, under the someday-if-only section of your brain.
I come from what used to be called a broken home. "Broken" doesn't even begin to cover the series of love affairs, marriages, and divorces that have resulted in a miasma of brothers and sister, half-brothers, step-sisters, ex-step-grandmothers, technical step-nieces, brothers' sisters we've never met, and cousins we've forgotten. I come from a multiple-fracture home.
The 7 or 8 adults who produced my siblings and myself over a 20+ year span seemed to do so without putting a lot of thought into, say, where the kids should go for Christmas. Amazingly, not every child could be at all seven or eight places at once, no matter how much each individual parents sacrificed or how hard they struggled to raise us all properly. Almost every year has been a guilt trip as we struggle to choose who to appease and who to offend, and rarely do my siblings get to see each other for the holidays, much less our aunts and uncles.
This year my stepmother did something radically different and new. She invited her mother, her daughters and their significant others, her first ex-husband, her second ex-husband who is also my father, my brother and his wife, her parents and grandfather, and my mother for Christmas dinner. In other words, my stepmother threw open her doors and invited not just her family, but her childrens' family. Did she do this because she wanted to sit at a table and break bread with two ex-husbands at once under her mother's judgmental gaze? No. She did this because she wanted the grandchildren at her house for Christmas. She was willing to open her house to everyone if it meant winning over the two babies, the first babies in the family in 21 years. And she got her wish.
It was a lovely dinner, a wonderful Christmas. I hadn't seen one of my stepsisters in a decade, even though we are about the same age and loved each other as children. Everyone present got to cuddle and hug and swing the babies to their hearts content. There were no fights, meltdowns, or emergencies.
My Mom originally accepted, and later declined, the invitation. She decided that she would not go to Austin for the holidays under any circumstances. For months she tried to guilt and bribe my brother into taking his baby to her house, hours away from Austin and the rest of the family. Having spent last Christmas, and then most of the Summer, at her house, Darling and I agreed to be with my Dad this year. Needless to say, there was absolutely nothing we could do to make Mom appreciate this. She is furious at all of her kids and only answered the phone long enough to hang up on me.
Raising this family took a village. A very diverse, foul-mouthed, mentally ill village. The fact is, a lot of the villagers can't even stand each other, but they love all of their children, and all of the grandchildren. We don't have to be nice to eachother year round. We don't have to forget, or even forgive, the past. Because the babies, the next generation? They are what matter now, so much more than our grudges and emotional scars. And their parents need all the help and support available. Even the stepgrandmothers, the ex-stepgrandmothers, our half-brother's sister's adopted grandfather is going to get face time with the baby if he is willing to make himself accessible.
I am so grateful my stepmother to have made this effort, to have hosted such a large event. I am so thankful that my father sucked it up and ate dinner with his ex-wife's ex-husband. And I can understand that my Mother did not want to be in that position, that she can't accept that she is sharing my niece with three other grandmothers. I hope she can get past that one day, and that maybe, just maybe, this weird group of people can grow into a cohesive family.
I'm a little younger than some of my readers. At 25 I don't have a whole lot of worldly wisdom to bestow. But I experienced something this Christmas that a LOT of families could benefit from. If you are recently divorced with young children, I would not be surprised if the following situation is too far-fetched or painful to imagine. If you were neglected by your parents, homeless before you finished high school, and still can't quite forgive those jerks who left you high and dry when you needed them most, I won't blame you for scoffing at this post. I've been there.
But please, for the sake of your children, parents, and siblings, read this post and file it away, mentally, under the someday-if-only section of your brain.
I come from what used to be called a broken home. "Broken" doesn't even begin to cover the series of love affairs, marriages, and divorces that have resulted in a miasma of brothers and sister, half-brothers, step-sisters, ex-step-grandmothers, technical step-nieces, brothers' sisters we've never met, and cousins we've forgotten. I come from a multiple-fracture home.
The 7 or 8 adults who produced my siblings and myself over a 20+ year span seemed to do so without putting a lot of thought into, say, where the kids should go for Christmas. Amazingly, not every child could be at all seven or eight places at once, no matter how much each individual parents sacrificed or how hard they struggled to raise us all properly. Almost every year has been a guilt trip as we struggle to choose who to appease and who to offend, and rarely do my siblings get to see each other for the holidays, much less our aunts and uncles.
This year my stepmother did something radically different and new. She invited her mother, her daughters and their significant others, her first ex-husband, her second ex-husband who is also my father, my brother and his wife, her parents and grandfather, and my mother for Christmas dinner. In other words, my stepmother threw open her doors and invited not just her family, but her childrens' family. Did she do this because she wanted to sit at a table and break bread with two ex-husbands at once under her mother's judgmental gaze? No. She did this because she wanted the grandchildren at her house for Christmas. She was willing to open her house to everyone if it meant winning over the two babies, the first babies in the family in 21 years. And she got her wish.
It was a lovely dinner, a wonderful Christmas. I hadn't seen one of my stepsisters in a decade, even though we are about the same age and loved each other as children. Everyone present got to cuddle and hug and swing the babies to their hearts content. There were no fights, meltdowns, or emergencies.
My Mom originally accepted, and later declined, the invitation. She decided that she would not go to Austin for the holidays under any circumstances. For months she tried to guilt and bribe my brother into taking his baby to her house, hours away from Austin and the rest of the family. Having spent last Christmas, and then most of the Summer, at her house, Darling and I agreed to be with my Dad this year. Needless to say, there was absolutely nothing we could do to make Mom appreciate this. She is furious at all of her kids and only answered the phone long enough to hang up on me.
Raising this family took a village. A very diverse, foul-mouthed, mentally ill village. The fact is, a lot of the villagers can't even stand each other, but they love all of their children, and all of the grandchildren. We don't have to be nice to eachother year round. We don't have to forget, or even forgive, the past. Because the babies, the next generation? They are what matter now, so much more than our grudges and emotional scars. And their parents need all the help and support available. Even the stepgrandmothers, the ex-stepgrandmothers, our half-brother's sister's adopted grandfather is going to get face time with the baby if he is willing to make himself accessible.
I am so grateful my stepmother to have made this effort, to have hosted such a large event. I am so thankful that my father sucked it up and ate dinner with his ex-wife's ex-husband. And I can understand that my Mother did not want to be in that position, that she can't accept that she is sharing my niece with three other grandmothers. I hope she can get past that one day, and that maybe, just maybe, this weird group of people can grow into a cohesive family.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Big Much Catch Up
Oh wow, so much went on this week.
I'll start with the fact that Darling and I played host to the Best Guests Ever. I have been looking forward to Beany and Mr. Beany coming to Austin for months, and I finally got to meet them in person Friday afternoon at Wheatsville. I led them down The Drag , across downtown to see the Metro station, across the bridge along Congress Street, back up 1st street, and then to the co-op. Because we had limited time (less than 48 hours) and only so much energy (I couldn't get off work either day they were in town), I tried to give them as authentic an experience as possible without going straight up tourist. So for dinner we had tacos from a "trailer park," which is a grouping of trailers serving a variety of foods and drinks. This particular park had a fire pit, so we got to chat for a bit in the warmth of a campfire.
This was an amazing experience not only because I got to meet one of my favorite bloggers, but because Darling and Mr. Beany got along crazy well. They're both very into computers and software, history and all science, and were soon debating the status of Turkey's position with the European Union.
Earlier that evening I had mentioned a nearby dive bar. And beloved readers, this is an honest to goodness Hole with a capital H. Not Hole in The Wall, which is a pretend dive. The sort of place no honest blogger would take her guests. Except Mr. Beany kind of insisted. So we went to the dive and ordered the most ironic beer that people actually drink in Austin: Lone Star.
Austin has about a zillion good breweries. Lone Star is a joke, but it's cheap, so everyone drinks it by the bucket. We had a round of tallboys, then actually drank some Rio Blanco and Real Ale, so as not to anger the Beer Gods.
In the meantime, two things happened while Beany and I chatted about communal living, charitable giving, values and what not. First, Darling and Mr. Beany just about started a bar fight, but they are fortunately both very macho and use big threatening words to stand their ground against drunken jerks. And second, the worst metal band I've ever heard took the stage.
So, in case anyone else wants to visit me, this is the Tread Softly Austin Experience: tacos out of trailer, cheap beer amongst an aggressive populace, and the worse possible auditory experience in the live music capitol of the world. But man, it was one of the best nights I've had in ages :)
This morning I crawled out of bed sore and sleepy and threw together ingredients which, despite my haze, convincingly resembled blueberry-walnut waffles. My guests had lunch at my workplace and then bid me farewell. This experience seriously made my week, I was on Cloud 9 the rest of the day.
I'd like to leave it at that, but like I mentioned, a lot has happened.
- My Mom is now living with my step mom part time here in Austin. This is good and bad. Either way, it is the sort of family drama that wants all of my attention. How much attention have I had to give? None.
- Darling quit his job. It was kind of sudden, but also kind of planned.
- In kind of unrelated news, I got another job. Like, on accident. At a local coffee shop which specializes in local products. Am I happy? I don't know.
- I missed Capoeira twice this week. And I'll miss Tuesday :(
- I was unexpectedly offered another job this week: babysitting an eight-month old on Mondays. Can I juggle two infants? If I can, it will pay for my tuition....
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Family Finances
There is a sticky matter of debt and Mom I should mention.
Entrenched in her double-think quagmire, Mom is certain that she owes us money and we cost her an absurd amount of money. The latter is technically true: we did buy over $600 worth of tools, at least twice that in materials, and about three times that in services - all of which I would happily repay. Not only that, but she loaned us money to pay rent at the co-op. I'd say Darling and I are directly responsible for about $4,000 worth of expenses.
She also bought a $17,000 truck and premium insurances. Her utility bills increased, she spent more money on groceries, and she covered some of the gas to and from Austin. When she talks about what we cost her, she includes these expenses.
Darling and I want to do right by her, obviously. I offered to buy the tools and even the truck, but had to emphasize that Darling and I can't promise her more than $100 a month for the foreseeable future. Thankfully she opted to sell the truck directly to someone who can offer a better payment plan, but she did let us take the power tools.
I told Mom we'd go ahead and make the $100 monthly payments until we couldn't afford to or she didn't want it anymore. While this is a big expense for us, it's certainly manageable. I'm not thinking of this as a debt to be paid, but a contribution to the well-being of my family. After all, Mom will either outlive her inheritance or she won't. When that money is gone, her financial burdens fall on my brothers and me (They're pitching in now in similar ways).
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Strange Endings, New Beginnings
-Atmosphere, It Goes
How to explain the past week? Might as well try and explain a lifetime of emotional abuse, drug addiction, and mental illness. My Mom went through concentrated hell this week, the variety of which only the severely ill can concoct, and those well-versed in double-think can decipher. Phrases like "make the house much larger, and quit spending money," as well as, "you can't live in Austin, but I don't want you here." We were at her house Tuesday, but had to spend the night in the hotel because Darling couldn't handle the sobbing hysteria or chain smoking any longer. Wednesday she drove us back to Austin, as she had planned to do so before we even arrived.
Strangely, I don't feel like a failure, though maybe that's more telling than not. Nor do I feel relieved. The burden of building the house was beloved, the burden of not having anything to show for our time and toil is much heavier. And what's next for Mom? When she decides, I'll help her. But right now she's wrapped so tight in self-induced suffering that I can't touch her.
Darling and I both feel a little lost. Depleted. 50% of our life - the part that really mattered - is suddenly gone. Yesterday we joked, a little bitterly, that today would be the first of the rest of our lives.
I woke up at around 9:30 this morning, on our lumpy futon. Slid out of bed and turned off the AC, which I realized to my horror had been left on at 75 degrees all night. Normally I set it on a timer, so it cools down the room while we slip off to sleep and isn't sweltering by the time we wake up in the morning, but I apparently forgot to do so last night. It was nice to feel refreshed and totally awake, though. I decided to start the day - the rest of my life - on the right foot with some yoga and rowing.
I dressed in my most comfy clothes and went to use the erg in the den, but quickly discovered we had guests sleeping there. Instead, I busied myself with one of my favorite hobbies, and was soon kneading a basic bread dough
I had set the bread to rise and was starting on pancakes when my housemate, S, came in for coffee and asked me to help him bake a tres leches cake for his birthday. I agreed to do so after breakfast. In the meantime, my peaceful kitchen slowly filled with friends and housemates. B, home after a month in Eastern Europe, made his oatmeal while Bo made her rice for lunch. C, one of our guests, wandered through from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. S and E shared some hummus and cantaloupe and chatted about the farmers market.
The kitchen gradually emptied as S and I started on his cake. I showed him how to whip egg whites into fluff and fold them into the batter, checking on my rising bread intermittently. After putting the cake in the oven, I punched down the dough and shaped it into two loaf pans. Then I swept and mopped the floors as the scent of baking filled the (air-conditioned) air.
Having discovered that C was about to leave Austin without visiting Veggie Heaven, I asked her to join Darling and me for a late lunch. Having mostly finished the cake and waiting for the bread to finish , I sat down to start this post. I worked on it until we left to catch the bus to the restaurant.
I returned to the post after our meal, pausing to slice fruit and oversee the whipping of cream for the cake, then to sing to S and enjoy the decadent dessert. Bo, who's birthday is Saturday, asked if I would show her how to bake a carrot cake for her own celebration. Of course I agreed.
I left my housemates to wash dishes and returned to the post, interrupted a few minutes later by another guest eager to chat. Impossible to write in this house sometimes :)
If every day was like today it would be a deeply satisfying life. I certainly miss this lifestyle when juggling two jobs, two living situations two hours apart, a mad mother and an over-stressed husband. I'm wondering if I've been missing out on something obvious on my journey towards frugality and sustainability.
I'm sad, folks. I'm going to miss building the house, being with my Mom, even driving the huge truck (oh man, I never even told you guys about the truck...gotta get to that someday...). Technically, the project is on hold, but dependent on variables none of us have any say in. But The Challenge is still on, loves, and I hope you don't think too less of me. If you've lost faith in me, well, you're surely not alone. But I learned so much to share with you! It's actually strangely exciting, what happens when you give something your all and get DENIED. Go down the road least traveled and you might find out there's a good freaking reason. But that doesn't mean the alternative lifestyle is all smoke and mirrors. I might just be getting back to basic for the rest of the year: relearn the simple joys in life and rethink my place in the universe and reclaim some of the ideals I let slide. Hope y'all will join me.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Viable Alternatives To Building
Col wonders "Is there a reason why you wouldn't just have her move in with you two, the three of you could find a place to share?"
That's such a good suggestion, Col. More families should think about how they can come together to overcome their difficulties, rather than seek financially devastating alternatives (nursing homes, building a house...) .Darling and I believe in large, multi-generational family homes. At one point we lived with at his sister's house, which also housed her husband, their two children, her husband's brother and his son, and my mother-in-law. So a total 6 adults, one a senior citizen, and three children. I think that is the most financially and socially productive manner in which families can live.
I would be quite pleased if any of my family wanted to share housing. Some readers might remember that, before moving to a co-op, Darling and I rented two-bedroom homes so that my family could stay with us, which my sister and Dad both took advantage of for short periods.
My Mom does not enjoy the social or financial benefits of group living that Darling and I long for, family or otherwise. She forced each of her own children "out of the nest" by the age of fifteen and has lived alone for a very long time, refusing invitations to move to Austin and often asking not to be visited herself. The Lost Goat is right, if Mom did want to move in with us I can't imagine coping with her mental illness on a long term basis. I suspect someday she will need personal, daily care, and when that time comes we'll adjust to that. But right now my Mom wants, and can manage, her independence, and I suspect it's in everyone's best interest to maintain that for as long as possible.
An anonymouse buddy asked why we don't get a cheap mobile home. That was actually our first plan. There are a number of reasons why not, primarily that the cheaper a mobile home is, the more expensive it is to maintain over a long term basis. They have almost no insulation, for example, which means higher electric bills. The most important reason why not, however, is that Darling and I wanted to build a house. Dumb reason, I know. If I knew three months ago what I know now, we might have taken that route. Or at least a cabin kit...Though I'm making this sound really negative. Lizzie is right about a steep learning curve. But we're having an amazing time and doing this really powerful thing that is changing who we are - Darling and I are growing as individuals, and our marriage is becoming something new and stronger. And it's making my Mom really happy to have us around so much, to help us help her. A cheap mobile home would have been so easy, and manageable, and wouldn't have ripped our lives to shreds, but I think building the house will be worth it.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Pictures!
Here's my Mom on the site soon after we moved the fence to reclaim this land from the longhorn pasture. To the right of the image you have photographic evidence of very aggressive grapevine attempting to reclaim the land for itself.
Here's the site with boundaries before it was leveled. You can see the old tin shed, which we cleared last week to store tools and materials. Inside we found 24 old school canning jars and lids in unopened boxes.
Here is the truck bringing in soil to level the property on an ominously dark day. They were rained out less than an hour later.
But they left us a tractor to play on.
A week later, the clay still sat in the rain.
But the straw arrived!
It was unloaded by the time I got home from work. We left it in the carport for a week or so before storing it properly - a possibly fatal mistake.
Two days in my Mom's garden! Squash, potatoes, peppers, green beans, and more tomatoes than we could put away!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Finances and Building
Got a non-borrowing library card today so I can use the internet and blog during the week! I appreciate all the comments so much - even (and sometimes especially) from anonymous readers!
I really, trully was going to post pics today, but the library computer doesn't want to play ball :(
So instead I'll talk finances, and why Darling and I are going about our business in this manner.
My step-grandmother died last year. She did so after successfully draining hundreds of thousands of dollars from the trustfund of her step-children (my mom, aunt, and uncle) and giving away the house that was meant to be left for them. The executor of the estate, a shady accountant, helped. If you have any questions or arguments about the legality of these actions, join the club. Yes, we hired lawyers. Yes, there are court proceedings processing. It was only a couple of weeks ago that we learned Mom would be inheriting any money at all: just enough to keep her alive for 10-15 years at her current rate of spending. If she had to pay rent, or higher property taxes, or make a car payment (she owns her vehicle), that money would drain away at a much faster rate.
In the meantime, my Mom is living in nowheresville in a swiftly deteriorating "house" and is determined to do so until it kills her. She recieves a modicrum of care for a smattering of symptoms, but her chronic disease and mental illness are barely treated. My brothers and I have tried to force her off the property in the past and failed to do so for more than a weekend. Many people - especially Europeans with your evil socialist healthcare - have a hard time understanding that it is pretty much impossible to commit or hospitalize someone against her will in the State of Texas.
What I'm getting at here is that my siblings and I have limited options. We can't put her in a home against her will, and doing so would be prohibitively expensive. Even if we could spend her money to do so, it would be gone in about five years. She'll recieve a small amount of social security when my stepdad (whome she divorced 13 years ago) reaches a certain age, which is a relief, but without a house to live in that won't do much good. And the building she lives in right now is literally crumbling away. The conclusion we came to: build a more reliable and efficient home on the property, was the best idea any of us could come up with.
Mom put a chunk of her inheritence into a money market account with which to build the house. If Darling and I can do so successfully, it might help keep my Mom comfortable and happy for the next ten years, at which point her inheritence will likely have been spent, but her small social security might kick in. We will also have fullfilled a dream of our own in building the house.
It's a bad plan. I'll give you that. But my family doesn't have a lot of options, and Darling and I desperately want to meet this challenge. Hopefully we'll pick up pace, and the building process will get easier (cheaper?) along the way. There's only one way to find out!
Hope this answers some questions.
I really, trully was going to post pics today, but the library computer doesn't want to play ball :(
So instead I'll talk finances, and why Darling and I are going about our business in this manner.
My step-grandmother died last year. She did so after successfully draining hundreds of thousands of dollars from the trustfund of her step-children (my mom, aunt, and uncle) and giving away the house that was meant to be left for them. The executor of the estate, a shady accountant, helped. If you have any questions or arguments about the legality of these actions, join the club. Yes, we hired lawyers. Yes, there are court proceedings processing. It was only a couple of weeks ago that we learned Mom would be inheriting any money at all: just enough to keep her alive for 10-15 years at her current rate of spending. If she had to pay rent, or higher property taxes, or make a car payment (she owns her vehicle), that money would drain away at a much faster rate.
In the meantime, my Mom is living in nowheresville in a swiftly deteriorating "house" and is determined to do so until it kills her. She recieves a modicrum of care for a smattering of symptoms, but her chronic disease and mental illness are barely treated. My brothers and I have tried to force her off the property in the past and failed to do so for more than a weekend. Many people - especially Europeans with your evil socialist healthcare - have a hard time understanding that it is pretty much impossible to commit or hospitalize someone against her will in the State of Texas.
What I'm getting at here is that my siblings and I have limited options. We can't put her in a home against her will, and doing so would be prohibitively expensive. Even if we could spend her money to do so, it would be gone in about five years. She'll recieve a small amount of social security when my stepdad (whome she divorced 13 years ago) reaches a certain age, which is a relief, but without a house to live in that won't do much good. And the building she lives in right now is literally crumbling away. The conclusion we came to: build a more reliable and efficient home on the property, was the best idea any of us could come up with.
Mom put a chunk of her inheritence into a money market account with which to build the house. If Darling and I can do so successfully, it might help keep my Mom comfortable and happy for the next ten years, at which point her inheritence will likely have been spent, but her small social security might kick in. We will also have fullfilled a dream of our own in building the house.
It's a bad plan. I'll give you that. But my family doesn't have a lot of options, and Darling and I desperately want to meet this challenge. Hopefully we'll pick up pace, and the building process will get easier (cheaper?) along the way. There's only one way to find out!
Hope this answers some questions.
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