Boo Boos

Yesterday I missed the bus and hit asphalt instead. I royally busted both my knees and chipped a molar. The break left a sharp edge that slices painfully into my tongue when I talk, so I borrowed Darling's dentist appointment scheduled last week for this morning.

This was my first visit with said dentist, whom I was hoping to be personable and encouraging. Instead I got stern warnings, a bottle of medical mouthwash, and referred to an oral surgeon for a root canal consultation. I have been ordered off hot beverages and crunchy food in the meantime.

As I've been told "get thee to an oral surgeon" for many years, I'm glad to have been provided the impetus. I made an appointment for next week immediately upon returning home. This is a big, necessary step for me...here's hoping it doesn't drain our savings.

Blah Day, Blah Post

Today I made a breakfast of sliced honeydew melon, a fried egg, and blueberry waffles for Darling and myself. We both spent some time in the garden, which is steadily expanding. I planted some edible sunflower seeds, Darling dug up the totally unproductive (albeit huge) cauliflower plants, and we moved dirt around.

I went upstairs afterward and just sort of crashed. I felt way too tired to go to work, but managed to drag myself out at the last minute.

Everything seems to be in slow motion after South By South West. I'm not terribly pleased with how little money I came home with yesterday or the day before, but I have to remind myself that rent is in the bank. Next week I'll be training up to take on more responsibilities and my schedule will adjust so that I'm not working stupid hours anymore.

Prioritizing

Last week we managed to make rent. It's been a long time since I had the money in the bank so early, and it feels really good. I'm finally mostly trained up in my jobs and received the resulting paychecks, the check for my research study came in, Darling's been working like crazy at the cafe, and I'm earning daily money waiting tables now, so our money flow is in good shape.

Darling and I made a priority list. The first item (after rent) was getting him to a dentist, and I made his first appointment today. The next item on the agenda is making an appointment for an optomap. My vision is worsening at a steady rate, and has been since I was very small. The last time I went to an eye doctor he asked me to have photographs of the inside of my eyes taken so they can determine exactly if and when I might lose my sight altogether. On the bright side, the issue can - and eventually will - be surgically corrected. The optomap will just give us an idea of how much time we have to save the money. Which really isn't something that needs putting off any longer...

Family Money Dilemna

I spent most of yesterday with Lenore. We made a lunch of sauteed greens and mushrooms and steamed green beans and carrots. We worked on a really pretty puzzle featuring an Amish barn raising and quilting bee, and I was surprised to suddenly remember that there were several years of our childhood in which my Mom constantly had a puzzle on the table. Lenore has neither a television nor a lot of energy right now, so things were very quiet and peaceful and nice.

The only uncomfortable moment was when, yet again, she tried to bring up paying me. Her original intention was to hire a caretaker, so she and her fiancee had researched and budgeted for that. And here is an area where our values (hers and his, mine and Darling's) clash: What I see as family obligation, they see as charity. They think I'm taking time from my busy schedule and hurting my earning opportunities, whereas I'm totally relieved to have a few days a week dedicated totally to family and slowing down.

Although I (naturally) consider my principles to be more in line with the nature of the situation, I appreciate the fact that you can't tell a couple their value system is wrong. But I think I came up with a solution. In Virginia I worked a few days a week for a farmer who was also my college adviser. After dropping out of school, I still owed the office about $2,000, which he wanted to help me out with. We came to an arrangement in which instead of paying me directly, he wrote checks addressed to the college. Before that I was literally paying the school $20 a week in crumpled $1's fished from the tip jar at my "real" job.

I'm thinking of requesting that Lenore and J (her fiancee) pay me however much or little they want, but to do so in cash and to hold on to the money until this Summer. I might buy or bring a little bank for them to keep the money in. That cash will go a long way in helping to build the house this Summer, it will go straight back into the family coffer, and it will take a load off of all our consciences.

Just popping in to say Hi

Last night was kind of a trip. When you work at a bar, it can be pretty frustrating to close at 2:00 a.m. and to have it suddenly be 3 a.m!

My sleep pattern was not helped by the loss of that hour. Darling and I didn't wake up until afternoon. Then he went out with friends and I went to work.

And now it is 2 a.m. again, and I have little to offer blog world. I have a lot to say, but nothing that can be typed in the limited time I have to check in.

I miss you all.

Early Morning Thoughts

So I didn't quit Job1. Yet. It just didn't happen. I'll pop in some time this week, hopefully before Thursday, to get it done. I know what I need to do, it's the how that gets me. The timing, I guess you could say.

Speaking of things I'm going to do, the following are goals for Darling and myself to accomplish this Spring Break:

* Paint the bedroom
* Put up shelving
* Visit TSO (Darling)
* Go to Dentist (Darling)
* Talk to Brazos County about residential building regulations (Tread)

Throwing Towels

I spent last night at Job1 and had yet another less-than-profitable shift. After days...maybe a week?...without a night off, I'm tempted to simply not go in this evening. But quitting suddenly is so totally not my style, and not a habit I'd like to develop at this point in my life. The bakery was a fluke, I'm a hand-written letter of resignation lady.

So tonight my two-week notice goes in, this three job thing can draw to a close, SXSW will come and go, and I can relax into some sort of groove.

So Close...

...Yet so far away.

My original college debt was over $16,000. I've paid over $6,500, about $3,000 of that going to interest. Now my total student loan debt is $12,025.41 and I am so excited.

It's not the most logical amount to anticipate, but somehow in my head $12,000 is the equivalent of a year of large payments. I've always assumed that when push came to shove, and that debt dropped below 12k, I would knuckled down and start sending in every cent possible. That would mean sending, at my current interest, $262.12 a week.

But not a moment before my debt was $12,000 or less because...well, a thousand dollars a month is a lot of money, obviously.

The Schedule

I finally sat down with Darling and worked out a schedule, which was almost more complicated than creating a working budget. For the first time ever the purpose wasn't to arrange activities, classes, or shifts, but to ensure family, spouse, and personal time.

Fortunately, those three areas mesh fairly well. I can babysit while keeping my sister company, not to mention knit, sew, watch movies, and cook - my favorite leisure activities.

Sunday will be my day off. I intend to go to spend that day with Darling and friends, attend church in the morning, maybe have a meal out, and otherwise relax.

Monday I'll be chilling all day with the niece and sister before the evening co-op meeting.

Tuesday morning my week effectively starts with job3 at the cafe, and will be followed by an evening shift with job2.

Wednesday is another day with my sister - maybe we'll catch a movie or something we can't do with the baby - and that evening I'll be back at job2.

Thursday I'm at Job3, then at job1.

Friday I can spend time with my sister and Darling both before heading to in for my evening shift with job1.

And Saturday is shared with Job3 and Job2.

This schedule enables me to spend as much time as possible with Darling and three days a week withfamily. Job1 and Job3 have confirmed that this schedule works for them, now I just have to iron things out with Job2.

A Twist

My Mom was in town for the last two days, so I spent time with her and my sisters before work. My little sister is ill right now and is undergoing a pretty hardcore treatment program. I didn't realize how hardcore, though, until my Mom took me aside and informed me that Lenore and her fiance are considering hiring a caretaker. Not a nurse, just someone to cook lunches and keep her company.

There's a lot on my plate right now, but I can't believe how bad the situation got before someone finally pointed it out to me. My 20-year-old baby sister is too weak to grocery shop on her own? I won't say I should have been acting differently, but I am reconsidering my actions and lifestyle choices to confirm they are in alignment with my values. And I am not letting my sister pay some stranger to provide the support - emotional and otherwise - that I should have been giving for months.

Broaching the subject with Lenore was difficult because she is almost as proud as I am. After having lunch and taking a walk, waiting for an opportunity to casually bring it up, it wasn't until she was dropping me off at work before I bluntly announced my intention to go to her house several times a week and have lunch with her.

I don't think she liked that Mom broke her confidence, but Lenore admitted that she would like that and then dared to offer to pay me. Since she's basically an invalid I didn't rebuke her too harshly.

So the next few days will be spent ironing out an official schedule with Job2 (Job1 and Job3 have already promised me a regular and precise workweek). Fortunately I can care for the niece and hang with my sister at the same time, so I won't have to retract that promise. If my schedule gets too tight, I'll drop a job.

The First Step: My Problem

I was probably the only kid who ever felt she could relate to the Dad from Mary Poppins.

I loved that movie, but was always confused as to why the banker father got a bad rap for working all the time. I remember my Mom explaining that the man was a workaholic. I contemplated the word, considering its sister (and total opposite, from what I could divine from my own experience) "alcoholic." Being a workaholic didn't seem so bad to me.

Fast forward to my twelfth birthday. A woman who owns an aviary is asking me if I like to work. I shrug, "depends on the work, maybe," I answer, confused by the question.

The next thing I knew that job was my life. Very hard years followed: my (perpetually unemployed) mother divorced my stepfather and he and my little sister moved out of the house. She started spending weekends with her boyfriend two hours away in Houston, often under the guise of visiting my older brother. Some Fridays I came home and she wasn't there, and wouldn't be until Monday. I spent all my earnings on groceries and the phone bill. The house had no hot water, sometimes no electricity. I started secretly spending those lonely weekends at a trailer on my employer's property. She made sure I had shoes and showed me appreciation and encouragement when my Mom, who was going through hell herself, couldn't stand to look at me. My job was my safety blanket, I lost myself in it when my home and family life were totally unbearable.

When I was fifteen my Dad and Stepmom finally got me out of that situation. When they announced I couldn't have a job before graduating high school, they might as well have forbidden me from dating. That didn't lost long, however, before a fight changed everything. One night, with no warning, Dad told me we were moving to Houston. The next day we were living in a house with seven other people, none of whom had the cash to foot a phone bill.

On my sixteenth birthday I found a new job in a fast food restaurant. Shortly thereafter I was also babysitting. Soon I was working more than forty hours a week and going to school, again paying the bills and buying groceries while my Dad was unemployed. As awful as the work was, however, it felt great to be needed and appreciated by my understaffed managers at the restaurant and the harried parents of the kids I cared for. I was earning a quality of affection that was otherwise missing from my life.

After a few months I resolved to move back to Austin by myself. When I called my best friend, A, she told me to hold for a few minutes while she talked to her Mom. She picked up the phone a little later and invited me to live with her. I could earn my keep by working at her Mom's shop. Which I did for the rest of that Summer and my senior year of high school.

I've been working ever since. I become totally devoted to every job. School, interpersonal relationships, hobbies, spirituality...nothing soothes my soul or grabs my focus like my work. It's not about the money at all. It's about having something to do and people guaranteed to appreciate it. Which is why the bakery was so agonizing; I could never earn more than the most vague of "thank yous" from my bosses.

I don't smoke. I like to drink but I can live without alcohol. I love coffee, but don't suffer withdrawal if I don't get it. But life without work is miserable.

The past few days I've felt like an addict being offered a rare sampling of her favorite drugs. I'm overindulging and justifying it every way I can. And despite drafting this confession, I'm not planning on cutting down soon...the fact is that I can't quit any time I want. Come Summer, I'll cut down - or possibly go cold turkey. And that's really, really scary to me. So in the meantime, I'm going to drown my fear and insecurity in as many jobs and responsibilities as I can juggle.

The Latest, Greatest Challenge

A while ago a commenter asked why Darling and I are building Mom's house, when she is the one who recently received an inheritance.

Well, I should start by announcing that my Mom's inheritance was more easily willed that delivered. She received the first chunk of change a couple of months ago, but the rest has been - and for the foreseeable future will be - tied up in court. After purchasing a bed, washer and dryer, an oven, and a new front door, all of which she had been living without for a very long time, she has decided to plan a massive Summer garden (she's been growing her own food for at least 20 years), and try to sit on what's left until she is sure of her future.

There will be some money available, but not much at all. So Darling and I won't just be building a house, nor will we just be building a happy earth-friendly home. We will be building a earth-friendly house on service industry wages, with the help of many friends from Austin as well as her own small (low-income) community. There has been much networking, and I have befriended building experts and community planners alike (I have even been offered an intern).

Not that I intend to build the house with no capital whatsoever. Far from it. I intend to work like crazy the next three months. And that shouldn't be a problem. First I was offered as a job cocktail waitress at one of my favorite hangouts. It's better money than the bakery, but not by much. Then I got a call from one of my ex-managers and was offered a serving job at one of Austin's hottest new establishments ($1,000 tabs are not unheard of). I was going to quit Job1, which was sad cause I really like those coworkers and the management, but Job2 insisted on working around that schedule for a few weeks while I get settled and making decent money.

Then I got a call from the one restaurant I would probably work at if money were not an issue in my life at all. This tiny spot, located less than a five minute stroll from my house, builds its menu around what's available from nearby farms. Many Austin restaurants offer a seasonal plate or selection, this place offers nothing else. It's small, with only a waitress or two on the floor at any given time, but it's gaining popularity and has been featured in Bon Apetite and other local foodie magazines.

Which is a really round-about way of saying that I now have three jobs. For how long, I'm not sure. All I really know is that we have to put away as much money as possible before June to buy said house.

How is this a great situation? Well, after juggling three jobs for three months, I suspect that pouring concrete, erecting walls, and working my Mom's huge garden under the Texas sun will be a pleasant vacation. More important, I think it's important to know exactly how much it costs to build a home - especially a sustainable one. When all my college friends started collecting credit cards, their primary argument was that they had to start building credit now if they ever wanted to buy homes. I wanted to ask how much they thought they would end up spending on a home if they were already putting junk on credit and paying interest on it years in advance just for the right to an eventual mortgage! No doubt many will spend thousands, and possibly hurt their credit, before even applying for a loan! I want to pay what the house is actually worth, even if it means buying and placing one brick at a time.

I'd also like to add, as a side note, that I'm giving up customer service after this. I love restaurants and foodie culture, so I won't swear off of it forever. But if Darling and I can build a house for as little money as we're planning, we're kind of obligated to do so for others. I hope to write a book or at least create a good instructional website (yes, we'll be buying a digital camera). And that's what building this house is really about: not just my Mom, not just for shelter, but to become new people in the process, to complete a long transformation from college-drop out waitress and ex-banker immigrant to...well, to whatever we are. So give me three months, maybe four, of late nights, flirting for tips, pacifying drunks, standing for ten hours, my instant-hire resume, and 0-$500 shifts. Because I really have no idea what we'll be doing this time next year!

Trying to Slow Down

I've been trying to focus on pacing my life lately. Now that I work nights, and have something of a convoluted schedule between my two jobs (as well as a newborn niece, a large group of old friends who have recently agreed to do more together, a high maintenance house, and several projects in various stages of planning), my daily life has developed an edge of unwanted urgency. It's not that I'm absurdly busy...there's just a lot that I should be doing all the time.

After weeks of constantly shifting my attention to one priority to the next, feeling vaguely panicked from morning till...well, the next morning, yesterday was a success in balancing obligations with leisure. I practiced guitar upon first waking up, came downstairs and started a loaf of sourdough, went for a walk, took a shower, and did the house shopping trip before work. It may not seem like much, but if nothing else I felt better about that usual simply because I practiced my instrument for the first time in ages!

This morning I made breakfast with my house and we celebrated a rare sit-down meal together, prepped some dough for a housemate to make pizza crust with, paid the house's bills, and listened to my meditation/hypnosis cd. I admit to still feeling the press of anxiety at my shoulders - so much to do, so much to accomplish - but nothing's going to change until Summer, at which point EVERYTHING is going to change. So I'll be working on managing my stress and cultivating a sense of happy productiveness in the meantime.

Hope everyone else is taking the time to smell the roses!

A Day in 2010

I woke up early this morning for my final evaluation with the dentist who took out my wisdom teeth. He gave a thumbs up and I left the office feeling pretty relieved, but also incredibly hungry and tired. I fell asleep on the bus on my way home, then demanded that Darling take me out for food at my nearby favorite diner, Magnolia Cafe.

My plan was to have coffee and pancakes. I couldn't have caffeine while doing the study, so I was looking forward to a hot creamy cup of joe. But at the last minute I ordered an herbal tea instead. After years struggling with my caffeine addiction, knowing how bad it is for my body and how desperately I need the calcium it saps from my bones, I suddenly felt like embracing the jitter-free life. We'll see how that goes.

I ate way too much at Magnolia, then went home and took a short nap before bed. My days have been really long lately, involving very early starts, brief afternoon naps, and extremely late nights. I can't wait to catch up on my sleep tonight and tomorrow morning.

This evening I worked my first training shift at Job2, and it was nice to be back in a familiar atmosphere. Making mad cash at this place is going to be relatively easy. And while normally mad cash isn't my primary goal, I'm getting used to watching my net worth increase.

Came home and hopped on the computer to send some correspondence, pay a bill, and of course blog. I don't really enjoy this diary-style of writing, but lately I haven't had the time or energy for an actual article. I'd rather post something - anything - than suffer another silent month like February. Hope no one minds too much :)

Makin' Monies

I seem to be recovering well enough from having my wisdom teeth removed. The procedure could have been worse; the hardest part was trying to stay awake for the six hours after the surgery while people asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10 every fifteen minutes. Besides an to help me sleep the first night, I took neither pain killers nor antibiotics. Now all I have to do is go in for a follow-up appointment on Wednesday and I get a check for $300.

The day after the surgery I wanted to stay at home and watch the telly, but instead I went in for a job interview. It was my second interview after accepting a job as a server/there'snothingpoliticallycorrectaboutbeingacocktailwaitress. Tuesday's interview was with people I know quite well, so even though my face was swollen I was offered the job a few days later.

I'll be attending orientation for Job2 later today. This position is going to be with a busy, trendy, night-clubish sort of restaurant. I'll be keeping Job1, which takes place in a popular yet low-key sort of dive, until I'm forced to choose between the two. In the meantime, it feels good to be making money again.

In other news, I mastered a new culinary skill just in the nick of time (one of my New Year's Resolutions was to learn how to do something new about food every month). With the help of an tattered copy of The Joy of Cooking, I baked home-made croissants FROM SCRATCH. And they are just as good as anything from the bakery. They took forever, but were so totally worth it! I baked most plain, but tossed some chocolate chips in the center of a few and oh.my.god.those.were.amazing. It's a long process, but so worth it. Once I can bake these without the help of the book, and with the addition of some whole-wheat or spelt flour, I'll share some tips on the blog.

March 2010 Net Worth

I don't know if I would have quit my job if I hadn't known a nice tax refund would be forthcoming this month. No doubt we should all opt to have as little withheld from our collective paychecks as possible, but boy do I like getting that annual check. I've used such checks to fund roadtrips, boost savings, purchase plane tickets, and move cross-country.

Thanks largely in part to that refund, our assets ring in at $3,676.63, an increase of $494.89. Not too bad, considering I spent two weeks unemployed.

Our debt totals $12,381.79. That's $361.82 less than last month.

This gives us a net worth of -$8,705.16, an increase of $856.71!

To celebrate the increase in net worth, I upped our weekly loan deduction from $30 to $35. I'm also increasing the amount that's automatically transferred to the savings account from $18 to $24.

This year is starting out great!