Goal Update

This week I checked everything off my to-do list!

- Opened an account with a credit union. I now have an interest-bearing checking account and a savings account!
- Mailed a check to the folks who cared for my laptop in Michigan. I paid twice the original offer to make up for how long they waited.
- Determined how much it should cost to get my bikes from Charlottesville to Austin
- Made birthday plans with Mom. We're going to go out to dinner and to see Oz
- Talked money/rent/groceries with my hostess and worked out a payment plan.
- Finished the first batch of instruments and started the second. Not only did I research opening an Etsy shop (Money Crush has a great series on her experience), but R and I agreed on a first craft fair and I met someone who wants to display our instruments at his shop. So that's going well.

I'm having a very hard time stretching my paychecks, which is extremely dispiriting for a number of reasons. My dentist visits take a major toll on my budget, and I can look forward to one every month for the rest of the year. I'm addicted to paying debt, but have to satisfy myself with sending $5-10 a week. Gas eats up a lot of my income, which is killer on so many layers, as does having a cell phone bill to pay. I know these are perfectly normal expenses, but you have to remember that not having a car or cell phone was a big part of my financial survival method for a long time.

Getting the bikes back from Virginia will be a relief as that is the final financial obligation leftover from my time in Michigan. That and rent will eat up the better part of my next check, which is a shame because A) the check after that will go almost entirely to my dentist and B) those are my last two checks.

Obviously I'm not going to quit my job without having some way to make a living, but I don't know what that way is yet. Soon as I do, it will be possible to begin working out how quickly Darling and I can get our own apartment and re-establish ourselves in town. In the meantime, my goals for the following week are as follows:

- Apply for five more jobs.
- Make a rent payment
- Arrange bike shipping
- Price the completed instruments
- Go through the YMOYL steps regarding financial tabulations and such on April 1st.

New Things

What would make you feel powerful???

It must be bad mojo to talk about your "bucket list," the things you want to accomplish before death. Nonetheless, I've been thinking about mine for two reasons:

1. Much of my Bucket List takes place in Austin, and I'm planning on moving.

2. I plan on moving to Detroit, where it is very easy to get oneself killed.

Thus taking another stab at starting a business with a friend and learning a new trade, even if I'm unsure it's in both our best interests. That's tied to learning the guitar as well as painting for the first time ever. Eventually I'll start editing my manuscript and might actually finish my book, though completing the rough draft has so far provided more than enough self-satisfaction.

There's another almost unrelated item to cross off my bucket list that I didn't want to mention. Not here on this blog, not on my facebook page, not even to my husband. I decided to experiment with stand-up comedy, which is big in Austin right now and something I've always wanted to try. I've signed up for a five minute spot on a sixth street venue on Thursday, and I'm scared out of my mind. The reason I'm not psyched to tell anyone is that I'm actually a terrible communicator and convinced that A) I'm not funny and would rather find that out in front of a bunch of strangers on my own and B) My humor is actually spawned from the dark, bitter, fermented dregs of resentment that I've spent my entire life trying to hide so anyone who knows me and comes and sees my comedy is going to realize who I really am. And not love me anymore. Because that's how honesty works.

So I guess a big part of my bucket list has to do with shedding false notions of who I am vs. who I want the world to think I am. Which is the cause of much anxiety, much craved escapism, and an overall vile mood. Which hopefully might explain the tone of this blog to those of you who have been reading here for a while :)

I've known for a long time that I was going to try to do the stand-up, and it feels like standing on the tracks staring at an oncoming train. Finally signing up last Thursday felt like a surrender, and I know that my first performance (good or bad), will be a tremendous relief.

Is there something you've always wanted to do but are too afraid? Maybe you've been telling yourself you're too busy, broke, tired, etc...but really it might be fear holding you back? Maybe, just maybe, the fear of somehow hurting others? Want to join me in shedding some skin?

Last Week and Next

Last Week

* R and I have moved forward with our business of building musical instruments. We've had a lot of fun in the shop and are on the very verge of completing our first three projects. We've decided to build at least six more before seriously discussing where we're going to sell.

* Darling and I quit drinking due to the effect it was having on our "entertainment" budget. I never really got drunk, but I am enjoying being entirely sober and am debating giving up coffee, which is the most expensive item on our grocery list.

* I got my paycheck and am very carefully portioning it out based on my spending experience of the past couple of months. I sent a (very) small payment to the student loan company, bought groceries, and put gas in the truck. The majority of it is paying for my dental appointment next Wednesday. Thankfully, my overtime seems to have made up for my two sick days.

* My best friend and I briefly discussed the merits of renting an apartment together and it doesn't seem like a fantastic idea. I'm torn between the conflicting desires for both privacy and extreme frugality. Not having a lot of money is working in the latter's favor.

* I signed up for a couple of activities that scare the hell out of me. And you all know by now that I don't get scared easily. I'm trying really hard not to just give into a general paralysis.

It's Strawberry Season Now In Texas

Next Week:

* Open an account at a credit union. I went over the data collected a couple of years ago, updated the interest rate information, and chose a favorite. My credit union of choice offers an interest-bearing checking account with no minimum balance and an interest-bearing savings account with a low minimum balance, no fees, and online banking.

* Mail a check to the student co-op that babysat my laptop in Michigan.

* Research how much it will cost to have my bikes shipped home.

* Complete the first batch of instruments and look into having an Etsy shop. Start second round of instruments.

* Figure out what I'm going to do for my birthday so my Mom stops assuming I'm planning a party she's not invited to. 

* Discuss the parameters of our current living arrangements with our hosts to make sure everyone feels comfortable and satisfied.

Moving Forward, Looking Back

R and I are moving forward with the business. I'm still working full-time at my real job, leaving me only 2-5 hours a day to devote to the fledgling enterprise, so Darling steps in and takes over for me when I'm not around. That seems to be working well, since R likes to work long, irregular hours and Darling needs occupying while I'm at work.

I don't really have an applicable image today...

My husband has been job hunting and has been kept in a weird sort of limbo waiting for jobs he was promised two months ago to materialize. I don't know what's going on with that, but it's very possible that there's just no installation work right now. To be honest, I'm enjoying Darling's break. It's hard on both of us when he has to haul is tools to and from construction sites 45+ minutes away. The money is good, of course, but where does that go? Debt, gas, tools...

I'm still really emotionally burned out from the last time we were both working like crazy. It was Hell. I'm spoiled rotten: coming home from work I expect a foot rub, a made bed, and something for dinner. That is my husband's job. He's supposed to ask about my day and nod understandingly when I shrug. Then I admire the shiny bathroom (or recently washed windows, or whatever he's cleaned that day) and we drink some coffee together. I far prefer his company to having an extra thousand dollars to throw at debt a month, even when we're less than $2,000 away from debt freedom. He'll be working again soon, of course, and I'll handle that when it comes.

Speaking of construction, I looked back on my Real Hourly Wages of the past twenty-six months and made an interesting discovery. Of the six or so jobs I've had since tabulating my income and expenses, I've had two that paid me about $12.50/hour. The first was a cooperative brewpub, the second was union carpentry. Two very different jobs, identical pay. On paper, at least. In reality, after calculating the amount of time in meetings, training, and commuting, subtracting the cost of tools, gas, lunches, and dues, one of those jobs paid about $6 an hour and the other paid closer to $20!

Union construction was my lowest paid job in the past two years. I just spent way too much money on tools, gas, and dues. The job that paid me the most was at the cooperative brewpub, where I earned enough overtime to boost my real hourly wage above my "official" hourly pay. Which all goes to show the importance of tracking how much time and money is spent working. I earn a lot more at my crappy unskilled non-profit than I did at the union, and I earned even more pouring coffee at a dying cafe!

Of course the question now is whether or not I will earn anything building instruments.

Switching

A couple of weeks ago I had to take two days off when I lost my voice. That most severe symptom launched my now-many-weeks-old head cold, but those were the only two days I could really afford to take time off. I suffered verily even for that. Not only was my following pay stub about half of what was expected, hoped for, and arguably needed, but a check I wrote over a month before hand (and eventually forgot about), was checked the day after receiving said puny paycheck. The result? Well, I filled the truck with gas and, sent a $99 student loan payment, and, yes, went out with friends before realizing I was headed towards an overdraft.
I got paid of Friday. Sunday I realized what was happening. Monday I rode a borrowed bike to the bank and deposited three dollar bills and two of my beloved Sacagawea coins to cover the -$4 pending account balance. I explained to the teller what had happened, just wanting to know if I'd avoided the overdraft fee or not. To be honest, if I was going to pay that $30, I wanted to hold onto my last five bucks until my next paycheck, you know?

So I'd ridden my bike from work, a half-hour trip in the sun. Maybe I looked a little windblown. Maybe my work clothes look a little worn after an eight hour shift of mostly cleaning and maintenance. I can totally appreciate that me and a mountain bike aren't the most welcome sight in Frost Tower (Frost=Swank). But I've been with them for over seven years, and have always received most excellent service.

They have a billboard ad that says something along the lines of "Knows-you-by-your-first-name-banking," and that has always been my experience. So much so that when I was hanging with the Occupy Crowd, encouraging folks to cut up their bank cards, I couldn't bring myself to ditch Frost. Even when I researched EVERY credit union in town in minute detail and discovered how absolutely atrocious Frost's rates are in comparison, I couldn't muster disloyalty. I like service, you know?

Well, the spell is broken. One teller, perhaps nearing the end of her shift on a hard day, perhaps entirely blameless, pretty much ended my love affair with Frost. Because when I explained why I I rode all the way into town after a hectic day at work to deposit the change at the bottom of my purse, she listened, nodded, and made the deposit without comment.

"Um, can I get my balance?" I said, "I'd like to know if that overdraft hit before I got here."

She sighed, grabbed a sheet of paper, and wrote down a number punctuated at the start with a vague mark.

"Is that a decimal or a negative symbol?" I asked.

She sighed louder, "You have ninety-two cents in your account."

I smiled with relief, "Great! Thanks." Then I rode home, relieved that my errand had narrowly saved me the $30 overdraft fee.

And then today I hop online to find that I was charged the overdraft fee after all, that very day. I was at the bank less than hour before it closed, so one might imagine that all the transactions would have processed by the time I'd spoken to the teller. One might also imagine that a teller would be in the position to tell me whether or not the overdraft I'm asking about is processing or not. But apparently not. Which was just what I needed to justify ending my relationship with the banking industry and open an account at a credit union.

Come to think of it, I'm actually kind of excited. I'm torn between two credit unions right now. One has a higher interest rates but no online banking, so I have to decide if that's a worthwhile trade-off. I have until next Friday to figure it out, because I'm opening the account with my very next check.

Shifting Winds

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better. The past few weeks have been rough as I've been sick, working like crazy despite being sick, and completely broke despite working like crazy. And having, like, no expenses. How does that even work???

I really, really hate my job. At this stage I'm only here because my manger needs me, my days are numbered, and I need at some point for my paychecks to amount to something. To what, I'm not entirely sure. Either fare to Michigan or a down-payment on an apartment.

Thinking about renting an apartment feels totally unreal, but Darling and I are actually talking about sticking around through Summer. Not because I'm a nerd, exactly, but because a friend wants to take me on as an apprentice and go into business together. He makes really beautiful instruments and wants help building and selling them. He's already supported himself with various crafting ventures, and we have two independent investors willing to cover our start-up costs. We have some stock to begin with, lots of materials, and have been working together a few hours a day for the past week. So far as I can tell, this is a venture worth taking seriously. We could rent booths at the endless Austin craft fairs and head to New Orleans once a twice a month to sell at The French Quarter (one of the investors has experience in this, as well as an apartment he's willing to let us stay in during those times).

This is all very exciting, but it means throwing all the plans I made last Summer out the window and re-settling in Austin, which hasn't gotten any cheaper in our absence. Fortunately, my best friend is looking for a roommate. If I hold onto my day job for another month or so, she, Darling, and myself could probably rent a half-way decent house on the east side, maybe even a place with a yard for a garden and permission for a chicken coop. We could probably split expenses and chores cooperatively. It would just mean scraping together first and last month's rent and coping with having a landlord again for the first time in four years. Which sounds much more nightmarish than, say, being homeless in one of the colder and more dangerous cities in America.

But how much would I hate myself if I forsake the opportunity to develop a truly amazing skill and possible career? A lot, that's how much.

So, in the near future I MAY be learning something new, riding my bike like crazy, moving back into the city, and shifting back into a state that some of you might recognize as normal what with having regular bills and the like. Who knows, there may be coupon clipping. It might be like the frugality you see on the t.v. And I MAY become an entrepreneur. And I MAY quite possible actually achieve my over-arcing goal of debt freedom! Or I may end up working a job I hate for another six months, completely fail to scrape together a significant pile of pennies, and leave for Detroit in a total huff. Only time will tell :)

Fantasy Confession

I am a major nerd. This has been mentioned on The Challenge before, in passing, but it's never had such an emotional impact on my life before. For the first time, I am a little embarrassed at what a major nerd I am.

This is my perfectly serious and straight forward confession: I love Dr. Who, role-playing, and steampunk enough for it to have an impact on my life plans. I love these things enough that this persistent and haunting desire has plagued me: to stay in Austin specifically to continue role-playing once a week, to have access to a television to keep up with Dr. Who (and True Blood, and to watch a couple of animes like Full Metal Alchemist and Avatar), and to attend enough steampunk-related shows and events to justify purchasing outfits like this:

You know what this is? One month's debt payment, that's what. Also known as two weeks at my current pay rate...

I mean, I'd do productive things as well. I've been painting every day and practicing guitar. I'd like to work four days a week instead of five and use the extra time to volunteer in a garden or thrift shop, get a better paying job, take classes, join the local Anarchist book club, explore Austin's thriving comedy scene, go back to capoeira classes, ride my bike everywhere, renew my relationship with Wheatsville and other local co-ops, spend time with the family...there are a LOT of reasons to stay in my hometown. But my prime motivation is to roll dice and dress up in costume.

It may look like a mid-life crisis, but I think it's a symptom of being so near to debt-freedom. For all my lapses, I've spent my adult life living on half my income. My single consistent luxury has been either nerd-related (role-playing is free, yo) or freedom of employment (allowing myself to work part-time and only working jobs I can easily walk away from). My pre-adult life wasn't exactly materialistic, either, since by the time I was fourteen I had to cover my own groceries and rent. So after years of hardly ever beginning to even contemplate shopping for fun, it's on the verge of feeling like an obsession. Then again, my fantasies don't revolve around spending so much as a freedom of self-expression and, yes, somewhat extreme self-indulgence.

Fortunately, Darling prefers the real-life adventures to the fantasy and is not humoring my current mood (though if I showed him the above image, he might be more easily swayed). We're prepping to head out in mid-April at the latest, probably back up to Detroit. I'm committing to at least one more Summer of service and exploration, one more year to being the best sort of person I can make myself out to before settling down and maybe finding out who I actually am, when the debt is settled and the dust has cleared.

**Edit**

Immediately after writing this post, I checked up on Rachel at 6512 and Growing, and I was really struck by this statement: "I want to say this: trust your obsessions. Follow them with the open mind of a child. Don’t worry about making  money off them, or what society says, notice the joy that pays off like maturing dividends."

I worry a lot about what's right and responsible and maybe too readily imagine that anything personal is automatically selfish and therefore a little shameful. Last Summer I was obsessed with urban farms and Detroit. Maybe this Summer I'll be obsessed with something else...maybe that's okay? I don't know.

My Money Tracking Chart

Along with my watercolor set yesterday, I purchased the materials to re-create my money tracking chart. I thought I'd saved my old one...somewhere...but obviously can't find it. At least I was able to fix some little things that were bothering me about the old chart, such as it being just a little too large to be convenient.

My Masterpiece

I've tried to recreate the bugger via spreadsheet software, but the digital image just doesn't have the same impact. The black line indicates how much I've earned in a given month, the red line how much I spent. As you can see, I almost always spend exactly as much or (significantly) more than I earn. That's the effect debt has on my life. Which is probably what drove me to spend so much money on beer, concert tickets, and watercolors this month...After allocating 40% of my income to debt and 23% to eye and dental exams, of course.

I mentioned before that my graph does not look like those described in Your Money Or Your Life, where incomes seem to grow in a slow but steady arc over the course of a decade. No, the high point of my income is over $5,000, whereas the low point is less than $150, and this is over the course of 26 months. This graph does highlight an unexpectedly important point made in YMOYL, though. When making your graph, provide enough space for your income to double. This seems insane, but, sure enough, my income tripled.

In February I did my entire routine: recorded every penny earned and spent, calculated my real hourly wage, determined how much time I allocated to every spending category, asked myself the three big questions regarding every expense (did I get fulfillment from this expense? was it in alignment with my values? would I have this expense if I was retired?), and then put the total amount earned and spent on my spending chart. The only step from YMOYL I didn't give an honest effort to, I guess, was minimizing expenses. Even then, however, I don't have a lot of complaints regarding last month's spending, none that weren't standard, at least. Yeah, I'm sick of paying debt. I just have to pay more to debt until it's not there anymore. There's no way around the matter.

March 2013 Net Worth

I managed to get last night and tonight off work, thank goodness. I got lots of sleep, then took a trip to People's Pharmacy to talk about my symptoms and purchase a homeopathic remedy. I was planning on going to the attached clinic, but by the time I pulled into the parking lot my headache was gone, the nausea subsided, and my voice was recovering. I'm pretty sure some rest and warm liquids are all I really need to bring me back to 100%. I'm taking Lizzie's advice and laying off the netti pot to prevent spreading the infection, but I'm pretty sure everything is on its way out anyway.

After visiting the pharmacy I purchased a set of watercolors and a book in which to practice. I find this art incredibly beautiful and have been planning to "take lessons," for over a year now. I spent some time at it today and was pleasantly surprised by my amateur attempt. The book and paints should both last for the rest of the year, and I'm really excited to chronicle my adventures with this new medium. I feel it was $15 well spent.

Speaking of joyous spending, I made some other, er, unusual purchases in February. A couple of weeks ago my god daughter, Pip, was born in Minnesota. I felt sad to miss that and my Godson's second birthday. I hope to see them in a few months, when, one way or another, Darling and I make our way back up north, but in the meantime...well, I made about a hundred dollars worth of purchases spread across Etsy and Sprockets. I wish I could say I sewed little Pip a baby quilt and knit Oblio a tractor or whatever, but I didn't. I spent money and I ENJOYED it.

That same day I bought tickets to a show in Austin I've been wanting to see for a while now. I've seen it before for free, but don't know if I'll have that chance again. I typically don't spend money to see musicl play, but my time in Austin is brief and has been, so far, somewhat overwhelmed with work and family obligations.

In other words, I've binged this month. A lot. I spent over $1000 on debt, and over $600 on medical stuff, so it's not like I was totally irresponsible. Not a single one of those purchases was careless, or something I didn't want very, very much for quite a bit of time. And I spent less than I earned. I just feel anxious because every penny not spent on debt is a penny I pay interest on, a penny that will need to be earned again later, a penny away from freedom.

Speaking of which brings me to Net Worth, which is -$1875.76. Which is great, compared to last month, but still over $600 away from my record high. But hey, at least now I have watercolors.