I'm A Rambling woMan

I am so, so late on my monthly tabulations! I can't seem to get all my records together at one place at one time long enough to get it done! Rest assured I've thought about it every day :) Which counts for something, right?

A couple of days ago I handed my Mom a check for $1,000, which is what she loaned me a couple of months ago to help pay for my root canal. And today I went in for my crown and it's very happy making. Of course I STILL have dental work to do: several cavities to fill and at least one more crown. My next appointment is in April.

For the past week or so I've been feeling very down on myself about work and money and principles. The union carpenter thing is a very sticky subject for me. It's actually kind of funny, reflecting on my history of intentions with this blog. Because four years ago I was definitely thinking, "crap! I can't just write about baking bread and hanging clothes on the line! What good is that to the average wage-slave?" And now I'm thinking, "crap! All I do is work and pay to work and throw my money at debt and wrap my life around career training. How is that sustainable!"

Really, the brotherhood is good for me because it has taken me way out of my comfort levels and slammed me down into the world of big trucks, Wal-Mart, and fast food. All this stuff that I don't read about online or absorb from television...heck, I honestly pretty much assumed most people don't watch television anymore. And every day I hear the same heart-breaking litany of hopelessness. When we get checks, it's common to either describe exactly where the check is going (tires, speeding ticket, rent) or simply shrug and say, "I spent this already." The guys count down the hours before lunch, the days before the weekend, the weeks before the next predicted lay-off.

Not that they don't like their work, necessarily. Most are skilled carpenters, more than one has built his own home from scratch. It's more about this really unhealthy relationship with money that the entire crew - heck, the entire culture - seems to have cultivated. They act like they're all married to a woman they absolutely, totally detest to the point that it stains every experience they might ever have, and...there is no and. There is no but. The unhappiness is just permanent, expected, accepted.

Strange though it may seem, I'm glad to have this experience because it provides a perspective lacking in my hippie-dippie lifestyle. The only problem is that the consequences of this dysfunctional relationship is shared by everyone on the crew. Overtime is the be all and end all of construction work. Part-time, albeit occasionally inevitable, is poisonous. Sure, I might have made rent last week and already put gas in the truck and just want to be at home with my husband for a long weekend, but Heaven forbid I let boss-man hear that. It would be totally unacceptable.

To be a journeyman I have to be an apprentice for three and a half more years. The pay is good and gets much better very quickly, but the hours are incessant. So I really have to wonder about keeping up this pace for another forty-two months. Am I really going to work forty hours a week and drive across town twice a day and try to balance that with whatever Darling has to do in an identical field? I keep telling myself that it's like college - better than college in a lot of ways, as it's free, comes with great pay, and basically guarantees an even better paying job for life. But does that just mean I put everything else on the back-burner until I'm finished, try and compress the rest of my life and family and friends and hobbies to the weekend or sleepy evenings?

I know the answer is yes. I know the answer is "stop whining and apply yourself for once." I'll find ways to sneak subversive sustainability into my daily life. I'll forge ahead with my financial goals. I'll dream about the future. Maybe I'll even blog more than once a week. I just have to apply myself.

Just this once.

Pros and Cons

Work has been boring. So boring I couldn't imagine it getting more boring. And then it did. Today's mantra was "do it for debt freedom, do it for debt freedom, suck it up for just a few more months for debt freedom..."

But now I'm off to a welding class, which is scary and exciting and involves fire and is basically free. So things could be worse.

Work Trade Learning Experience

Last week I met someone who referred to himself as a carpenter. Despite being a union apprentice and slowly/surely developing my power-tool prowess, I can't quite bring myself to claim the title. To be quite honest, building clean rooms is so sterile and standardized that it doesn't quite feel like carpentry. The carpenters who live in my mind's eye are rough and wind-blown and almost as dirty as farmers.

Anyway, this carpenter whom I happened to meet over a game of Scrabble (because I live in an after-school program, apparently), mentioned that that he has a compound miter saw he's looking to sell. I can count the number of power tools I've used on one hand, but it just so happens that a compound miter saw is one of them. I ask him about his price, mentioning that I've been sniffing around that area of employment. Then I dropped the matter, as my rule regarding tools is that if I'm not using it for an immediate job or in class, I probably don't need one.

A while later he brought it up again and I suggested a work trade. It just so happened that he needed help with a project at his house - just down the road from mine - and would trade the saw for a few hours of my time.

Not knowing what to expect, I showed up at his house Wednesday at noon. I was totally amazed at what I found. His house, located on a typical spacious South Austin Lot, is a three-story straw-bale structure. I've never seen anything like it.

He and another worker were already constructing a massive rain barrel out of cement and wire mesh. He taught me to mix cement in correct proportions and consistency and later showed me how his rainwater system worked. It was all very educational and not very difficult at all, the sort of thing many people would pay to attend a workshop on.

I should be heading back to finish the job in a few weeks and bring home my saw, which isn't a fraction as valuable to me as the learning experience. This guy is doing pretty much exactly what I want to learn! I can't wait to find out what other projects he might let me in on :)

ACC and Baby O

Last week Darling was supposed to start school, but an on-line administration error dropped him from all of his classes - for which he registered in October - the weekend before his first day. He stood in line for hours and even tried to make his case to the dean, but at least so far the verdict is that the ACC computers don't make mistakes (HA!), except for the inexplicable withdrawal from our bank account the day we claim to have registered...A week later, and I am still too furious to really write about this...

(Also, we have been given quite a bit of good advice on this, but Darling can not just "sit in" on these classes as the technical lectures are usually very computer heavy and require signing on and completing work via Blackboard, an online education website. There are also no distance learning versions of these classes. These classes are in very high demand and are taught once a year in a single time slot by a single professor...that's why it is so frustrating to miss an entire semester).

Today is my last day sitting for BabyO, my brother's daughter. She is on the verge of learning to walk, and her parents believe that their childproof home is safer than the co-op. That's fair, but I'm not up to the 3-4 hour commute to and from their house every Monday, so I'm bowing out of the weekly rotation.

I'm not abandoning the baby game altogether, though. My friend Raja is due on the 27th of February. This is her first baby and she and her husband, Xy, are going to need lots of support. I'm going to make myself extra-available to them for several months, starting the week before she's due. Because they intend to work like crazy up to the absolute last minute, I'm going to arrange my schedule so that I'll be nearby Raja when Xy is at work. Eventually, when the baby has made himself comfortable in the world and his Mom goes back to work, I'll be babysitting him on Fridays. Darling says I'm basically trading O in for a younger model.

The Finish Line

Yesterday I downloaded the most recent copy of the ACC Renewable Energy Degree Plan,which shows the requirements for both the certificate and the Associates. Darling and I marked off the classes he has taken and were pleasantly surprised to discover that, not including his coming spring semester, he is only 13 credits away from the certificate and 28 away from the degree!

He might be able to earn the certificate this Summer, and there is a really, really good chance that he will finish the degree next Fall! By this time next year!

We're so close to being done with this, I can't wait!

New InTuition

Darling finished registering for classes yesterday and made his first of four payments of $159.50. This will increase out debt by $638, and we won't finish paying it off until April. But it's a manageable payment plan and I'm hoping to earn enough money to pay his Summer tuition out-of-pocket.

Because I'm also hoping to make rent this month I only sent the student loan company $9 this week and the same to our emergency fund (none went to investments).

The past several weeks I have started learning to recognize priorities. It recently occurred to me that I pursue diversity with a passion, but totally fail at dedication. This makes me a dabbler, toying with a number of theories and activities and skills, none of which I have the diligence to master.

I juggled these D's in my head on my trips to and from Capoeira. The moment I saw an advertisement for the class in the newspaper, I knew it was for me. And every session has made me a slightly better person, a little more whole than the day before. Why? I dunno. It's just happening. Maybe it's also my improved work schedule, diet, and getting regular sleep. But suddenly, I don't want to conquer every single skill there ever was before I'm thirty. I don't need to be a plumber, and cobbler, and nurse. And most important, there is a driving force within me that supersedes ego, greed, envy, impatience, and boredom. I have a trustworthy intuition.

In other words, I might have lost my mind, but it seems to make me saner. More grounded, at least.

So as far as priorities go, what am I realizing? Well, I love domestic bliss, and like waiting tables, but my goals require a steady and dependable way of earning a higher income. College is great, but I get distracted and bored too easily and can't think of any career that both interests me and requires a degree. I honestly prefer manual work, something that keeps me moving. I also want to help people, perhaps through healing or teaching.

It's kind of ridiculous how many times I dismissed the idea of becoming a yoga teacher. It's been on my mind for years, but one of the very few silly ideas I haven't frantically pursued. Yoga teachers, after all, must be calm and serene, devoted and beautiful. And heaven forbid I think of myself that way! Darling mentioned it once or twice, and I dismissed him.

Then this morning I woke up and went to work, went to the bathroom to fix my hair, caught a glance of my reflection and knew that it's going to happen.

YogaYoga has a 200 hour Kundalini certification course that starts every September. That gives me nearly a year to save the $3,000 tuition and develop a personal practice in preparation. It also gives me plenty of time to check my motives, make sure this is what I really want.

Education and Employment

As of next week I start my ideal work schedule, which should be a regular occurrence until the restaurant needs me more or I need them less. Four lunch shifts a week.

Darling and I are both earning about the same amount of money right now, which is not a lot. It reminds me of right before we left Virginia, where I was a cafe barista and he sold books and games at the shop next door. It's so hard to believe my sweet, wacky husband used to arrange student Visas and negotiate university access to Middle Eastern universities for the British Council. Now he is proudly arranging artisan salads and brewing gourmet soups in a high-end hippie establishment.

Some people might see that as some sort of a downfall, and sometimes so do I. Knowing how qualified he is can sting when he's washing dishes, landscaping, or getting chewed out by a boss for being slightly late. At the same time, I'm a waitress. And I like waiting tables. I don't think my husband could have ever understood that without experiencing this lifestyle himself.

All my life, people have told me I would go far, that I'm smarter than the average bear. But truth be told, those of us in the customer service industry are not less intelligent than computer programmers, chemical engineers, or newspaper reporters. The kids who ace all the exams in high school and college aren't necessarily protected from the ranks of construction worker, telephone tech support, or receptionist. In fact, as my smartest friends graduate college and head hesitantly pursue their doctorates or face the job market, I'm increasingly relieved that I dropped out with as little debt as I got away with. I thought $16,000 was bad - one of my housemates graduated nearly $70,000 in the hole, and is biding her time doing landscape work and housecleaning.

Having said that, I want my husband to finish his associates degree, and may even push him to pursue a bachelors degree simply because it would be very easy and affordable to do so. Painful as it will be to lose his full-time income, I know he'll be much happier designing solar rigs and planning wind farms.

Speaking of which, we have less than a month before spring registration, and not long before he has to renew his NABCEP certification. Definitely coming up on a No-Spend Month...

Capital, lack there of, and solid food

Last night I got home from work at 3:00 a.m. After weeks of general dissatisfaction and concern for my employment future, setting my timer to wake up in three hours and take the metrorail to Lenore's felt especially devastating. Seeing that Darling had signed up for his three classes and that he had a total of 12 credit hours as opposed to 9 was particularly upsetting - though this morning he informed me that distance learning courses are much cheaper than classroom hours. I passed out trying and failing not to worry.

I didn't hear my alarm this morning and woke up at nine a.m. with a start. I called Lenore to apologize, and she insisted I go back to sleep. She blamed the root canal even though I told her it hardly hurts at all anymore.

Darling and I slept until noon (to be fair, that gave us nine hours of sleep), and then decided to mark "visit the capital" of our list of Austin to-dos. We walked there and took a very brief tour about the property. To be honest, I spent the entire time resisting wants, and I think Darling was suffering similar temptation. My husband and I are constantly imagining great adventures and deeds, and something about the capital tour, which seemed plastered with advertisements for museums and roadtrips and campsites, made us yearn for freedom we don't have right now. Darling said, "there's too much on my plate, but I still want more...and I'm not even hungry," or something along those lines.

We came home and had a lunch of greens from our garden served with fresh peas, avocado, cucumber, and raisins, and toast with homemade hummus. Hurray for solid food! My mouth barely hurts anymore. Monday I'll call to make an appointment with my general dentist to get the cap, and maybe he'll write me a referral for my next surgical procedure...I hate having to do this twice in a row! Tuesday I'll apply for the MAP card. And maybe Friday I'll be back at my old job. We're moving forward, slow and steady.

Budgeting is Like Pulling Teeth

Had the second phase of my root canal completed, now I just have to make an appointment with my general dentist to get a cap. My face is still numb, but I'm pretty sure it will wear off before I go to work in a couple of hours (otherwise I'll probably just get sent home).

I don't look forward to telling Dr. MV I'll probably be leaving him for a dentist that accepts the MAP card, of whom there are a handful. Assuming I qualify for the Medical Assistance Program, I'll be paying significantly less for my care, which is worth the inconvenience of longer bus rides and busier waiting rooms. I'm pretty sure the dentist will understand, of course, and if not...well, whatever. I can only afford so many $800 procedures.

One of my favorite things about this month is that we finished paying off the balance we owed ACC. Until last semester, Darling and I paid for his classes upon registering for them. Then we decided to set up an interest-free payment plan. Because Austin Community College is not an aspect of The Credit Industry and the plans do not cost us money via interest or fees, Darling does not consider this a use of credit. The point is obviously debatable, but I'd personally prefer not to take any more debt under any circumstances. I still owe my brother $200!

There's not much time to discuss the issue, however: tonight at midnight Darling will be registering for as many as three online courses, which will cost a little less than a root canal. Technically, we have the funds in the bank, but that is almost all we have in the bank. Getting more dental work done, or even paying rent, will be much more difficult until my work situation straightens out. I've encouraged my husband to take the Summer off, but he is so eager to be done with school and thinks he can easily complete his electives while working on the house.

I hate it, but the teeth have to come first and I can't risk not being able to pay for the next steps. At least I can take comfort in the fact that this is the choice a more conventional financial blogger would take: it makes sense to accept free credit while pursuing cheaper care and higher paying work - and in the meantime I'm at least making those big weekly payments towards my student loans.

Payment Plans

I was really relieved that ACC has a payment plan available to students. Instead of having to scrape together about $800 this week, the total can be broken down into four equal payments to be paid during the semester.

It didn't occur to me until yesterday that having a payment plan is tantamount to having debt. Sure, we don't have to pay a fee or interest on this debt, but it's money owed just the same. That could result in a $600 drop in net worth! In the meantime, Darling is worried that a full-time class schedule will hurt his earning oppurtunities.

Usually Darling takes the spring semester off, but we're really looking foward to his finishing up and he was going to plow ahead in the hopes of graduating next Fall. Now it looks like another baby step might be better: fewer class hours, more time to seek out internships, and a tuition we can afford while saving up for Sumer.

Next Semester

Now that I'm not earning money every day, it's surprisingly easy not to think about. So much so that Thursday I forgot to fill in my hours sheet at work, thereby delaying my paycheck. Which is really no big deal since the $200 automatic transfer doesn't happen until Monday. We had enough cash in the bank to cover my weekly $25 loan payment (two cents less interest accrued than two weeks ago!), and $10 to go out with Friday night.

Included in my list of things I should be thinking about is "school money." It didn't occur to me until yesterday that the fall semester won't last forever. To my horror, Darling actually needs to register October 13th, and we'll need the money by the 16th!

Looks like we have another slow semester coming up for my Darling...

Introduction to Rowing

A couple of months ago my work-out buddy, A, announced that she was paying for us to take rowing classes. We'd investigated the sport before, on a whim, but couldn't find anything affordable.

It was vanity rather than competition that fueled my desire to be in shape before making a fool of myself on the lake. Thus the weekly weight lifting and jogging. We trained for over a month just to prepare for an introductory course! We also spent quite a bit of time researching rowing and rowers, growing quite smitten with the sport in the process.

Today was our first class and we loved it. Now A and I are checking out the competitive teams and wondering how many days a week we can devote to our new hobby. The only setback? The $420 annual membership fees for the club, which is both a non-profit organization run by volunteers and the cheapest option we can find.

$35 a month isn't really all that much for what the club offers: access to a wide variety of boats and training equipment, personal coaching, and the opportunity to join teams and potentially compete on a national level. But I'm highly suspicious of expensive hobbies and lifestyle changes. Exercise is free. Joining a gym, buying equipment, and taking supplements are expensive.

We have a month to see if rowing meets our high expectations - and to test our own dedication. If A and I are able to dedicate three mornings a week to training (the minimum required to join a team), we'll probably scrape together the membership fees. If not, we'll investigate Austin's other fitness opportunities: yoga classes, salsa lessons, and kung fu are pretty high on my list...

Dumb Day

Yesterday I came home from work nursing a desperately bruised ego. It was my utmost desire to spend the rest of the day in bed with a good book.

Discovering our improved net worth was uplifting, but not so much that I would brave the outside world. Our new demonic parasite the cell phone, however, let the world come to me. More specifically, my Dad called.

I'm not exactly sure what brought it up. We discussed the smell my brother accused the co-op of having, argued whether or not my sister's boyfriend intended to sell her into white slavery, and chatted about his perpetual plan to drive a cab. Then the man asks me whether I'm still working two jobs and going to school. I informed him that I'd quit the one job and haven't been going to school. I guess he would have liked that qualified with "I'm taking a break," or a reference to money, neither of which I'm inclined to offer.

"Well, what's the hurry?" my Dad responded, disappointment in his voice, "What's the hurry to grow up?"

Really? Is that what people think? That finishing school is some prerequisite to adulthood? Like I'm in some form of suspended animation because I don't have a degree?

Man, my ego is hurting.

Darling's Second Semester

Darling discovered on his first day of school that one of the classes was canceled and his entire schedule shifted around to accommodate this. The new schedule had him in school when he needs to be at work, and even though this was in no way his fault he had to get about six million random signatures to be transferred to a class in an acceptable time slot. We're still not sure if everything is settled.

I was only begining to worry about how we would pay for next semester when I realized that we're supposed to be registering and paying for Fall now. So not only do I need to put down the $400 deposit on our new place and prepare for next month's move, but I also need over $850 for school...by, say, next Friday...

In the meantime, Darling is getting more hours washing dishes at the restaurant. He was offered a small promotion to prep work, but he had to turn it down because it interferred with school. I love that he has such an easy (if unpleasant) job while he's studying; I don't have to worry to much about him getting distracted or putting pay before grades.

College Planning

Darling and I are looking at college stuff. He'll be applying for financial aid, but won't know if he's received it until after we've paid for classes.

Although we're very behind financially, I'm fairly confident in my ability to catch up and scrape together 14 credit hours worth of funds in a few weeks. It helps that Darling has picked up a shift a week washing dishes at a nearby restaurant, and it helps more that I'm getting another raise from the bakery. I can't imagine Darling won't be offered a work study job, at the very least, so I can look forward to some sort of refund in a month or two.

Dealing With Conflicting Priorities

With our trip to England out of the way, I find myself confronted by the many choices I've postponed making. Do I keep both of my jobs, or the better paying one, or the one I enjoy? Do I go back to school next semester, and if so, for how many hours? Stick with AutoCad or explore new interests, or old interests? Should we move when our lease ends, or plan on breaking our lease, or attempt to negotiate a temporary lease, or stay with our landlord and suffer his insanity for another year?

These questions are intricately interconnected. See, if I stay with the lower paying job, and quit the high paying job, I can take training shifts to become a baker, at which point going to school would be a bit redundant. However, if we plan to move - which might be necessary with a lower paying job - getting to the bakery at five (or one) in the morning might be impossible. Rents in this area are skyrocketing. Moving might be the only way to get to the AutoCad classes I need access to, at which point I could transfer to another restaurant up north and stick with my old better paying job. But I am totally in love with this area, and am tempted to dig in my heels and hold onto this home as long as possible. The higher paying job would allow me to go to classes and stay in my home, but I am increasingly disgusted by the management and hate the though of depending on them for my livelihood...

Baker's hours clash with waitress hours. I'd like to downsize to a smaller and cheaper home, but I am totally sick of relocating. I'd like to go to school, but not so much as I want to be debt free. Keeping both jobs will prevent me from going to school, moving will require changing jobs, reducing my hours may require me to move...It's something of a labyrinthine Catch-22.

I know this is a case of conflicting priorities, so I have made a quick list of my "wants" in life:

* 1 day off a week to spend with Darling and friends
* 1-2 weeks off twice a year to travel
* $100 saved every month
* $1,000 debt paid every month
* Regular doctor and dental visits
* College Classes
* Time to cook, bake, knit, read, write, blog, game, walk, garden, etc.
* Volunteer work with the shelter

With these desires in mind, surely I can boil our options down to a sensible course of action.

Planning For School

Darling made it to the bus stop today before a coughing fit brought him to his knees, then back home to bed. He spent yesterday going door to door in Kyle, Texas, where spoiled suburbanites with three cars insisted they had no money for water quality. I am glad that Darling is working this job, not me, because I would have a hard time not asking, "did you really move this far out from the city to save money on property tax just to spend the difference maintaining three cars and a huge house?!"

I hope this job works out for him, even if come Summer he has to take a few months off for school. He is going to have a full course load of15 credit hours this time round.

I've mapped out the next two semesters for us and have myself slotted for 11 hours of college algebra, construction method and materials, and civil drafting this Summer. I can't wait to get back, and really hope we are approved for Financial Aid. This year we will need at leas $4,000 to attend each semester. Only a few more to go for my Darling, so I don't want to be taking any more time off.

Getting Financial Ducks In A Row

I did my taxes.

Then I filled out my FAFSA.

Now I am checking my credit report.

I canceled our Unicare Account "As never Effective" upon realizing it would be cheaper to put our monthly payments in a savings account and fly to England for care than to cover the deductible necessary before coinsurance kicks in. Now I have to decide whether I want to accept COBRA coverage or not - and find out why it is so much cheaper than what HR was charging me!!!

Two Incidents

I was waiting for the bus, knitting, and a young man sat next to me on the bench.

He asked what I was doing, and I replied. He wrinkled his nose and said, not exactly rudely, "I thought knitting was something 80-year-old women did when they had nothing better to do.

I didn't know how to respond to that statement, so I shrugged and went about my business, which seemed slightly more productive than his business of staring blankly into space while waiting for the bus.

A few days later, in class, my teacher asked us if we would still draft if we won the lottery. The majority of students, excluding myself, responded negatively. Apparently I was one of few people who are studying a craft for the joy of it, not simply as a means to a higher income.

The two incidents, separated by a week, share a strange parallel. In the first, it seemed to a stranger that my very enjoyable craft project was an old-fashioned time-killer. In the second, fellow students dedicating money and time to a very important endeavor revealed that they actually resent spending that time and money and would do otherwise given the opportunity!

Which is the bigger waste of time? Which is the least excusable luxury? Developing a fun, frugal, and productive skill that will enable me to rely less on a sweat-shop driven industry, or attending a class I hate for skills that bore me?

I aced my first exam and finished a scarf.

As producers, we must consume. As creators, we appreciate. I choose to be the latter.

Student Loan Deferment

A few days ago I received a letter from my student loan company informing me that my half-time status at ACC qualifies me for loan deferment! Taking six or more credit hours excuses me from making student loan payments :) And in the meantime, $3,841 of my debt will no longer affectively accrue interest - the federal government will kindly be picking up that tab.

The $9,761 loan will both accrue and capitalize interest. Which is kind of a nasty trick, if you think about it. That 5.25% interest would rack up fast and hard if I quit making payments, especially if I did so for the expected two years of deferment. This doesn't seem so much like a courtesy to struggling students as a little gift the loan companies give themselves. Charge interest while encouraging students to ignore the principal? Yikes. I find it especially disheartening that most students, rather than increasing their payments while at least part of their debt is excused, probably take on MORE debt to pay for classes. It's a regular Christmas in July for those folks in the education debt business.

Of course, this is actually an excellent little gift dropped in my lap, because I will so be taking advantage of this opportunity. I'll save about $20 a month that normally covers the smaller subsidized loan interest, which will now be tacked onto my unsubsidized principle. Hopefully by the time the deferment expires (as though I'm ever going to quit taking classes) the unsubsidized loan will be smaller than the subsidized loan.

One could theoretically say this is a false economy. After all, I'll only really be saving $240/year in interest, whereas school might cost me as much as $1500/year. But considering the investment in skills that can double my current wage, I doubt many people would make that argument.

The only potential problem? I need to be taking six credit hours/semester, and only had the funds to enroll in four. I need to scrape up another $100 and enroll in some 2 hour course this month. Which is not, with or without deferment, an incredibly affordable option right now...