Viable Alternatives To Building

Col wonders "Is there a reason why you wouldn't just have her move in with you two, the three of you could find a place to share?"

That's such a good suggestion, Col. More families should think about how they can come together to overcome their difficulties, rather than seek financially devastating alternatives (nursing homes, building a house...) .Darling and I believe in large, multi-generational family homes. At one point we lived with at his sister's house, which also housed her husband, their two children, her husband's brother and his son, and my mother-in-law. So a total 6 adults, one a senior citizen, and three children. I think that is the most financially and socially productive manner in which families can live.

I would be quite pleased if any of my family wanted to share housing. Some readers might remember that, before moving to a co-op, Darling and I rented two-bedroom homes so that my family could stay with us, which my sister and Dad both took advantage of for short periods.

My Mom does not enjoy the social or financial benefits of group living that Darling and I long for, family or otherwise. She forced each of her own children "out of the nest" by the age of fifteen and has lived alone for a very long time, refusing invitations to move to Austin and often asking not to be visited herself. The Lost Goat is right, if Mom did want to move in with us I can't imagine coping with her mental illness on a long term basis. I suspect someday she will need personal, daily care, and when that time comes we'll adjust to that. But right now my Mom wants, and can manage, her independence, and I suspect it's in everyone's best interest to maintain that for as long as possible.

An anonymouse buddy asked why we don't get a cheap mobile home. That was actually our first plan. There are a number of reasons why not, primarily that the cheaper a mobile home is, the more expensive it is to maintain over a long term basis. They have almost no insulation, for example, which means higher electric bills. The most important reason why not, however, is that Darling and I wanted to build a house. Dumb reason, I know. If I knew three months ago what I know now, we might have taken that route. Or at least a cabin kit...Though I'm making this sound really negative. Lizzie is right about a steep learning curve. But we're having an amazing time and doing this really powerful thing that is changing who we are - Darling and I are growing as individuals, and our marriage is becoming something new and stronger. And it's making my Mom really happy to have us around so much, to help us help her. A cheap mobile home would have been so easy, and manageable, and wouldn't have ripped our lives to shreds, but I think building the house will be worth it.

Pics, Progress, and Pancakes

So I finally got around to publishing some pictures! It's nice looking back on our progress. The going seems slow, but I forget all the joyful little details along the way...By the way, y'all would notice this if I posted pictures more often, but I'm only recently realizing how often my hair changes. That blonde is like, so last month ago.

The Lost Goat gave me a digital camera a while ago, but we needed a new memory card which is now in the mail. In the meantime, I kind of enjoy disposables. There's something special about hard copies, and something precious about having exactly 30 clicks to a roll. No endless "oops, you blinked, let's try again."

Yesterday Darling used his circular saw for the first time cutting the drainage pipes to size and we just nearly finished with the first part of the rubble foundation. It's taken us about three cubic yards of river rock to fill it1/3 of the way, so we'll have them deliver the next six yards of stone next week, and we'll rent a big heavy machine to help us move it around.

In the meantime, it's good to be back at the co-op for the weekend. I don't know if I mentioned, but the week Darling stayed here and I went to Mom's, he painted the room a brick red color. I rearranged the furniture and the art on the walls and the room has a new, really comforting feel to it. This is the first place we've ever decorated and it really makes us feel at home. Next week we will be putting up curtains and such. Yay for nesting.

This morning I made pancakes. For the longest time I had my "own" recipe that just wasn't working very well for pancakes, but made a good waffle. Naturally, I just figured that pancakes are dumb and waffles are delicious rather than tweak my recipe. Finally I started looking up actual pancake recipes, and, with the help of Joy of Cooking, I've fallen back in love with this style of breakfast bread. We had those with watermelon, then Darling and I went upstairs and did yoga together for the first time in ages. I'm thinking of making egg drop soup for late lunch before Darling and I head to work this evening.

Pictures!

Here's my Mom on the site soon after we moved the fence to reclaim this land from the longhorn pasture. To the right of the image you have photographic evidence of very aggressive grapevine attempting to reclaim the land for itself.

Here's the site with boundaries before it was leveled. You can see the old tin shed, which we cleared last week to store tools and materials. Inside we found 24 old school canning jars and lids in unopened boxes.

Here is the truck bringing in soil to level the property on an ominously dark day. They were rained out less than an hour later.

But they left us a tractor to play on.

A week later, the clay still sat in the rain.

But the straw arrived!

It was unloaded by the time I got home from work. We left it in the carport for a week or so before storing it properly - a possibly fatal mistake.

Two days in my Mom's garden! Squash, potatoes, peppers, green beans, and more tomatoes than we could put away!

Finances and Building

Got a non-borrowing library card today so I can use the internet and blog during the week! I appreciate all the comments so much - even (and sometimes especially) from anonymous readers!

I really, trully was going to post pics today, but the library computer doesn't want to play ball :(
So instead I'll talk finances, and why Darling and I are going about our business in this manner.

My step-grandmother died last year. She did so after successfully draining hundreds of thousands of dollars from the trustfund of her step-children (my mom, aunt, and uncle) and giving away the house that was meant to be left for them. The executor of the estate, a shady accountant, helped. If you have any questions or arguments about the legality of these actions, join the club. Yes, we hired lawyers. Yes, there are court proceedings processing. It was only a couple of weeks ago that we learned Mom would be inheriting any money at all: just enough to keep her alive for 10-15 years at her current rate of spending. If she had to pay rent, or higher property taxes, or make a car payment (she owns her vehicle), that money would drain away at a much faster rate.

In the meantime, my Mom is living in nowheresville in a swiftly deteriorating "house" and is determined to do so until it kills her. She recieves a modicrum of care for a smattering of symptoms, but her chronic disease and mental illness are barely treated. My brothers and I have tried to force her off the property in the past and failed to do so for more than a weekend. Many people - especially Europeans with your evil socialist healthcare - have a hard time understanding that it is pretty much impossible to commit or hospitalize someone against her will in the State of Texas.

What I'm getting at here is that my siblings and I have limited options. We can't put her in a home against her will, and doing so would be prohibitively expensive. Even if we could spend her money to do so, it would be gone in about five years. She'll recieve a small amount of social security when my stepdad (whome she divorced 13 years ago) reaches a certain age, which is a relief, but without a house to live in that won't do much good. And the building she lives in right now is literally crumbling away. The conclusion we came to: build a more reliable and efficient home on the property, was the best idea any of us could come up with.

Mom put a chunk of her inheritence into a money market account with which to build the house. If Darling and I can do so successfully, it might help keep my Mom comfortable and happy for the next ten years, at which point her inheritence will likely have been spent, but her small social security might kick in. We will also have fullfilled a dream of our own in building the house.

It's a bad plan. I'll give you that. But my family doesn't have a lot of options, and Darling and I desperately want to meet this challenge. Hopefully we'll pick up pace, and the building process will get easier (cheaper?) along the way. There's only one way to find out!

Hope this answers some questions.

Changing Approach

I took a couple of weeks off both blogging and journaling in general. After my last post and a rather mean comment it invited, I wanted some time to think of how I am presenting myself and our projects, big and small.

Once upon a time I read blogs that told me how great alternative lifestyles can be. Most of the writers were established and more-or-less comfortable in their various situations, whether it was living a sustainable lifestyle in Houston or a rural homestead in Oregon. Very, very few of my online heroines were in the beginning stages of their journeys, many are enjoying the fruits of their labors.

I love those blogs and deeply appreciate the wealth of knowledge their authors have provided the world with. But something was missing in the content. We all know the sweet joy of fresh baked bread, the deep comfort of committed companionship, and the precious freedom of travel and transient living. But few authors expressed the negative side of alternative living. Those first rock-hard loaves of bread, the difficulties of minimum-wage living, the growing pains of early marriage...if those small agonies are mentioned in many blogs, it is with lighthearted humor.

I want my blog to be something that young adults can relate to on their personal journeys. It's not all sunshine and bran flakes. I try to present a balanced and fair view of my life. I chase challenges like a dog chasing cats, and sometimes I get scratched.

Most of the time, my life is absurdly rewarding. I live in a home full of friends, my family is supportive and loyal, my husband is my hero, my food is organic and plentiful. But because I'm fighting for more out of life, I share the downs as well as the ups.

I'm sorry if this in any way upsets or worries readers. You all know that life is hard and certainly don't need me to remind you! But I want you to also see that life is amazing, and what we can accomplish is astounding. I feel that by being honest about the lows, you can better understand the highs. I'll try to post more during the week so you can get a better feel for what's going on. I'll answer Lizzie's questions about financing and my Mom. The reason I haven't yet is because Darling and I have been playing this by ear - we honestly didn't know how we were going to pay for the house a month ago, and we are still working out detail after detail. Our situation changes daily, making it hard to make honest posts about specific issues.

...Anyway, last week we hired a mini-escavator and finished digging the trenches and started the rubble trench foundation. This week we put in the french drain! Hope to get ya'll an update on that, and much more, in the next couple of days.

Changing Plans

It rained all week at Mom's house, again. The only thing worse than shoveling mud and wet clay was being trapped inside, watching time pass during the rougher downpours. In my anxiety I simmered pear butter (courtesy of my Mom's tree), and tomatoes, pepper, and onion for ketchup.

Yesterday we finally agreed to just rent a freaking trencher so we could be done with the job. Moments later, Darling and I had a blow-up right in front of Mom. We left early, barely talking at all on the ride back.

When you marry someone as wonderful as Darling - when you worship your husband - it's easy to forget he's not actually a god. He's a human, with limits and maybe even weaknesses. I maybe should have guessed that poverty, near-homelessness, a degrading job, a full class load, and building a house might be a bit more than either of us could handle.

We haven't really made any firm decisions on how we're going to proceed in the short-term, except I'm not taking a break from building the house but Darling probably will.

As for the long-term, after the house is built I'm going to settle down. I've always been fairly upfront with my desire to take the road of most resistance, but I can't keep dragging my husband along with me. We'll pay debt, I'll work full-time, he'll go to class and get a good internship/job with a green company, we'll find a comfortable place to live for at least a year, we'll travel moderately, build a savings fund, and pay just enough debt to feel good. We'll assume that the world isn't ending and get our teeth fixed. We won't decide to run away to Hawaii, backpack across India, build an electric motorcycle, or get my Class A drivers license. Maybe someday, but not anytime soon.