Things have improved at work pretty substantially: I think the some of the boys were right ashamed with themselves and the project as a whole has moved on. So far we have had a four day week, a three day week, and can expect a four day week to start off 2012.
I'm enjoying the light load. Monday Darling and I had a great belated Christmas dinner with friends and it was a little bizarre having to pull ourselves away by nine that evening! Weeks ago, we were staying up with the same friends until three or four in the morning. Even though we were in bed by ten that night I was completely knackered at work on Tuesday. It didn't help that Raja and Xy were having a moving-truck-packing party that evening. After eight hours of lifting and moving heavy things I drove to their house and moved heavy things for another four hours. I had to leave before they were totally finished, exhausted and desperate for bed, and it wasn't a good way to say goodbye. They left town before I got out of work the next day.
Wednesday I came home from work and went straight to sleep, so today I felt great! We're kind of knocking out the work faster than they can print out the checks, so for two weeks now my crew worked half days and got paid in full. Which is nice besides the fact that we are working ourselves out of our jobs :) I came home and sort of stared at the stove for a few minutes - yesterday I had just enough energy to make a stir-fry veggie satay before crashing - but ended up crawling back into bed for another four-hour nap instead!
Now I have The Weekend, the last weekend of the year, a decent amount of money, friends to celebrate it with, and no concrete plans. The only flaw on the horizon (besides, perhaps, the sad imaginary specter of Raja and Xy's moving van trundling into the icy distance) is that we still don't know Darling's exact start-date for his next job. But we have four days to figure that out, and a weekend to spend together in the meantime. Who could ask for more?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Merry Christmas
I've never been a big Christmas spender, primarily because Darling and I never seem to have "extra" around the holidays. This was especially true last year when the restaurant I worked out shut down for the last two weeks of the year, putting a choke-hold on our already tight budget. That was about the same time Darling left his job and had an $800 dental procedure...Some years, the holidays just sort of happen around us.
This year, though, something came over me. It started with the tree debate we have every year, and for the second time Darling and I went down to the lot and brought home a "real" tree. We decked it with the plentiful lights we happen to own from our last holiday splurge (2008?). What's a tree without presents? Out with Raja I saw the perfect gifts for Oblio and Baby-O, a sweet book for my niece in Ohio...and from there on out we spent at will. Eggnog, and a bottle of rum to go with it. A bottle of brandy to make amazingly delicious vegetarian mincemeat pies, a bottle of amaretto for a cheesecake recipe. Two tofurkeys, vegetarian marshmallows for hot chocolate, my beloved seasonal teas. Gifts for Mom, Dad, Stepmom, brothers and sisters, friends and housemates purchased at local shops and the Armadillo Bazaar...I stocked up on Darling's favorite English treats (Jaffa cakes, Ribena, and Hobnobs) and picked up my Mom's fresh Turkish Delight at the Phoenicia Deli.
Darling and I spent the weekend wrapping gifts, sipping Nog, watching our favorite winter films, visiting the massive "tree of lights" at Zilker park, baking and cooking. I cut out Texas-themed sugar cookies and topped them with home-made butter-cream frosting, baked chewy gingerbread men, stewed apples and dried fruit to make the individual mincemeat pies, chopped carrots and onions and potatoes to roast and brewed endless pots of tea. My Mom borrowed our kitchen to bake her sweet potato pudding and produce her "sugar plums:" balls of ground dried dates, apricots, cherries, and sultanas glittery with a dusting of sugar. Darling soaked tvp and mashed potatoes for his cottage pie.
It was all very lovely and also fairly pricey, not to mention very concentrated so far as the season goes: the bulk of the spending, baking, and general merriment occurred in the span of a few days. Obviously, there were better ways I could have gone about the business of celebration: I could have been making gifts all year, or at least buying presents for months instead of days. But I didn't, and I'm pretty happy with how everything turned out. Despite shopping two days before Christmas, there were no crowds or frantic masses in the little local shops. The folks at the craft fair were marking down their wares, and everything was very carefully chosen for each individual.
Despite our spending spree, we're all set for the New Year. January rent was paid weeks ago, so our next big expense should stem from figuring out Darling's commute situation. He should be starting a week from now, and no one is responding to his calls for a carpool. Our worse-case scenario plan is to set him up in a sort of extended stay hotel in the hopes that he'll have better luck talking to people about sharing rides face-to-face.
This year, though, something came over me. It started with the tree debate we have every year, and for the second time Darling and I went down to the lot and brought home a "real" tree. We decked it with the plentiful lights we happen to own from our last holiday splurge (2008?). What's a tree without presents? Out with Raja I saw the perfect gifts for Oblio and Baby-O, a sweet book for my niece in Ohio...and from there on out we spent at will. Eggnog, and a bottle of rum to go with it. A bottle of brandy to make amazingly delicious vegetarian mincemeat pies, a bottle of amaretto for a cheesecake recipe. Two tofurkeys, vegetarian marshmallows for hot chocolate, my beloved seasonal teas. Gifts for Mom, Dad, Stepmom, brothers and sisters, friends and housemates purchased at local shops and the Armadillo Bazaar...I stocked up on Darling's favorite English treats (Jaffa cakes, Ribena, and Hobnobs) and picked up my Mom's fresh Turkish Delight at the Phoenicia Deli.
Darling and I spent the weekend wrapping gifts, sipping Nog, watching our favorite winter films, visiting the massive "tree of lights" at Zilker park, baking and cooking. I cut out Texas-themed sugar cookies and topped them with home-made butter-cream frosting, baked chewy gingerbread men, stewed apples and dried fruit to make the individual mincemeat pies, chopped carrots and onions and potatoes to roast and brewed endless pots of tea. My Mom borrowed our kitchen to bake her sweet potato pudding and produce her "sugar plums:" balls of ground dried dates, apricots, cherries, and sultanas glittery with a dusting of sugar. Darling soaked tvp and mashed potatoes for his cottage pie.
It was all very lovely and also fairly pricey, not to mention very concentrated so far as the season goes: the bulk of the spending, baking, and general merriment occurred in the span of a few days. Obviously, there were better ways I could have gone about the business of celebration: I could have been making gifts all year, or at least buying presents for months instead of days. But I didn't, and I'm pretty happy with how everything turned out. Despite shopping two days before Christmas, there were no crowds or frantic masses in the little local shops. The folks at the craft fair were marking down their wares, and everything was very carefully chosen for each individual.
Despite our spending spree, we're all set for the New Year. January rent was paid weeks ago, so our next big expense should stem from figuring out Darling's commute situation. He should be starting a week from now, and no one is responding to his calls for a carpool. Our worse-case scenario plan is to set him up in a sort of extended stay hotel in the hopes that he'll have better luck talking to people about sharing rides face-to-face.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
A Traditional Construction Workplace, and then also The Holidays
On Monday I started back at the plant, and the atmosphere has been totally different.
My first day seems to have totally set the tone: the night before, I had nightmares about sleeping in, running out of gas, driving the truck into a river, or otherwise not getting to work on time. I woke up every hour, on the hour, lurched across the room, and cursed my alarm clock. It was a relief to finally get dressed at 4:30 in the morning.
The trip to work was perfectly smooth. I arrived early, as usual, but found a completely deserted employee area. Besides a bored security guard on the verge of a nap at the entry point, there was NO ONE. Before, there were dozens of workers of all trades sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes as they waited to start their shifts. It was very eerie waiting twenty minutes before any of my coworkers arrived.
Whereas before I was one of about twenty carpenters, nine of which were apprentices, and one of whom was another woman, this time I was one of nine carpenters, three of whom were apprentices, and the only woman. Filling in the gaps were non-union laborers whom I'd never known, and whom I later learned had been instructed by their ex-union boss to pretend not to speak English (no joke).
The project itself is smaller and more specific and, in some ways, more concentrated on the hard-labor front. I can handle the work fairly easy, so the problem is not that I am weak.. The problem is my strength apparently makes the other (male) workers look bad. By day two the non-union guys were blatantly blocking my way to lift not-so-heavy loads. Which made me angry at everyone. My regular coworkers, for whom I have quite a bit of affection, took the side of their gender rather than backing up their union SISTER. "It's not that you're a girl," one of them said to me, "it's that the guys look bad if you're doing their work." Um, hi, this is a union job, mofo. Why are you concerned about rat labor looking bad?!
For the record, I did stand up for myself, both to my fellow workers and the management, and intend to continue doing so. I'm neither bothered nor surprised by the sexism, per say, but the all-round betrayal by guys who, until now, have been so supportive of me. Also? I hate workplace politics and can't stand the fact that it's followed me into construction.
After work one day, though, my boss gave me a turkey, which was really sweet. He asked me if I needed him to carry it to my car, which was the WRONG thing to do at that point, but it was still very thoughtful. My step-mom was psyched to have the main entree at her Christmas dinner provided.
Fortunately, Thursday night I had class and my fellow apprentices let me vent a little. Four of us went out for a beer and it felt good, very secure and comfortable and easy.
In other news, Darling and I are really enjoying the season. We purchased and decorated a living tree and bought lots of presents for friends and family. We've gone through three quarts of eggnog and watched our favorite winter films: In Bruges and A Christmas Story. I'm going to make mince pies and sugar cookies today and hang out with family this evening and tomorrow. Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!
My first day seems to have totally set the tone: the night before, I had nightmares about sleeping in, running out of gas, driving the truck into a river, or otherwise not getting to work on time. I woke up every hour, on the hour, lurched across the room, and cursed my alarm clock. It was a relief to finally get dressed at 4:30 in the morning.
The trip to work was perfectly smooth. I arrived early, as usual, but found a completely deserted employee area. Besides a bored security guard on the verge of a nap at the entry point, there was NO ONE. Before, there were dozens of workers of all trades sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes as they waited to start their shifts. It was very eerie waiting twenty minutes before any of my coworkers arrived.
Whereas before I was one of about twenty carpenters, nine of which were apprentices, and one of whom was another woman, this time I was one of nine carpenters, three of whom were apprentices, and the only woman. Filling in the gaps were non-union laborers whom I'd never known, and whom I later learned had been instructed by their ex-union boss to pretend not to speak English (no joke).
The project itself is smaller and more specific and, in some ways, more concentrated on the hard-labor front. I can handle the work fairly easy, so the problem is not that I am weak.. The problem is my strength apparently makes the other (male) workers look bad. By day two the non-union guys were blatantly blocking my way to lift not-so-heavy loads. Which made me angry at everyone. My regular coworkers, for whom I have quite a bit of affection, took the side of their gender rather than backing up their union SISTER. "It's not that you're a girl," one of them said to me, "it's that the guys look bad if you're doing their work." Um, hi, this is a union job, mofo. Why are you concerned about rat labor looking bad?!
For the record, I did stand up for myself, both to my fellow workers and the management, and intend to continue doing so. I'm neither bothered nor surprised by the sexism, per say, but the all-round betrayal by guys who, until now, have been so supportive of me. Also? I hate workplace politics and can't stand the fact that it's followed me into construction.
After work one day, though, my boss gave me a turkey, which was really sweet. He asked me if I needed him to carry it to my car, which was the WRONG thing to do at that point, but it was still very thoughtful. My step-mom was psyched to have the main entree at her Christmas dinner provided.
Fortunately, Thursday night I had class and my fellow apprentices let me vent a little. Four of us went out for a beer and it felt good, very secure and comfortable and easy.
In other news, Darling and I are really enjoying the season. We purchased and decorated a living tree and bought lots of presents for friends and family. We've gone through three quarts of eggnog and watched our favorite winter films: In Bruges and A Christmas Story. I'm going to make mince pies and sugar cookies today and hang out with family this evening and tomorrow. Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!
In 2011 I...
* Tracked my income, spending, hours worked, and Real Hourly Wage every month
* Started the year working at a cafe (earning roughly $600 a month), a coffee shop ($600/month), and cleaning two houses ($270/month)
* Saw my Godson the very night he was born (waiting, somewhat awkwardly, with his family in the waiting room for hours)
* Rode my bike 15 miles to see him again the next day
* Came out of the blogger closet and axed my pseudonym "Tread"
* Discovered, and disputed, a number of black marks on my credit history resulting from my student loans being sold every couple of years (never got a satisfactory response about that)
* Made a go at getting a cell phone, again, and totally regretted it, again.
* Had my first and second fender bender, one of which was my fault
* Quit cleaning one of the houses
* Quit the coffee shop job
* Rode out of Austin on accident, Rode nearly 30 miles across two towns for my birthday, and in fact rode my bike every day for 100 days
* Learned a little about meditation
* Put up shelves in my room
* Baby-sat my Godson every week
* Replaced a part in our washing machine
* Oversaw the purchase of a refrigerator
* Was offered my dream job at a cooperative pub and brewery
* Was forced to spend hours commuting every week to reach my dream job
* Did the co-op shopping via taxi cab, and loved it
* Grew incredibly agitated with the oppression at my "dream" job: endless meetings, politics, dozens of folks in charge who had almost no food services experience...
* Quit that job before finding another
* Lost my sense of taste for a day
* Said goodbye to Darling as he spent six weeks out of town at his first professional solar installation job
* Applied to the carpenter's union on a whim
* Started writing my Dad's life story
* Scrubbed down my stepmother's house while she was out of town
* Was accepted into the union and started taking metal stud framing classes
* Borrowed Mom's truck to get to potential jobs
* Lost my cleaning job, and found myself totally and absolutely unemployed - aside from Darling's support
* Got my first construction job
* Received OSHA 10 certification
* Spent a few days at Occupy Austin
* Survived three lay-offs in one week
* Was laid-off for the first time ever and received unemployment benefits for four weeks
* Went back to work for the same company
* Darling successfully completed his second solar job and was offered his third
* Set up my first work- trade: mixing concrete in exchange for a compound miter saw
* Had an $80 extraction and $400 root canal
* Started the year working at a cafe (earning roughly $600 a month), a coffee shop ($600/month), and cleaning two houses ($270/month)
* Saw my Godson the very night he was born (waiting, somewhat awkwardly, with his family in the waiting room for hours)
* Rode my bike 15 miles to see him again the next day
* Came out of the blogger closet and axed my pseudonym "Tread"
* Discovered, and disputed, a number of black marks on my credit history resulting from my student loans being sold every couple of years (never got a satisfactory response about that)
* Made a go at getting a cell phone, again, and totally regretted it, again.
* Had my first and second fender bender, one of which was my fault
* Quit cleaning one of the houses
* Quit the coffee shop job
* Rode out of Austin on accident, Rode nearly 30 miles across two towns for my birthday, and in fact rode my bike every day for 100 days
* Learned a little about meditation
* Put up shelves in my room
* Baby-sat my Godson every week
* Replaced a part in our washing machine
* Oversaw the purchase of a refrigerator
* Was offered my dream job at a cooperative pub and brewery
* Was forced to spend hours commuting every week to reach my dream job
* Did the co-op shopping via taxi cab, and loved it
* Grew incredibly agitated with the oppression at my "dream" job: endless meetings, politics, dozens of folks in charge who had almost no food services experience...
* Quit that job before finding another
* Lost my sense of taste for a day
* Said goodbye to Darling as he spent six weeks out of town at his first professional solar installation job
* Applied to the carpenter's union on a whim
* Started writing my Dad's life story
* Scrubbed down my stepmother's house while she was out of town
* Was accepted into the union and started taking metal stud framing classes
* Borrowed Mom's truck to get to potential jobs
* Lost my cleaning job, and found myself totally and absolutely unemployed - aside from Darling's support
* Got my first construction job
* Received OSHA 10 certification
* Spent a few days at Occupy Austin
* Survived three lay-offs in one week
* Was laid-off for the first time ever and received unemployment benefits for four weeks
* Went back to work for the same company
* Darling successfully completed his second solar job and was offered his third
* Set up my first work- trade: mixing concrete in exchange for a compound miter saw
* Had an $80 extraction and $400 root canal
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Health and Employment Update
Health Update: Thanks for all the supportive comments and advice on my previous post. I also wrote a sort of ranty-crazy-woman e-mail to Aldra, which also helped a lot. I had another appointment with another practitioner today, for which I was super excited. When making the appointment, the administrator was telling me they would perform a number of tests, including the actual ultrasound needed to confirm the PCOS diagnosis. But at the actual appointment, the actual practitioner basically blew me off. Maybe it was a mistake that I noted on my paperwork that another doctor had diagnosed PCOS, and that I was looking for a second opinion, because this one straight up said, "you don't need a second opinion. PCOS is so vague a diagnosis that it basically encompasses anything that might be wrong with you." She stopped just short of telling me that any examination of me would be a waste of her time. She kept saying that there wasn't anything she could do for PCOS, and I kept saying that I wasn't asking her for a cure, just a diagnostic tactic besides looking at me - particularly since I lack the physical symptoms (abnormal hair growth and excess weight). I even pointed out that there was an ultrasound machine right bloody next to me, and that's all I wanted, some visual confirmation since I lack EVERY OTHER SYMPTOM of this disorder besides not ovulating. She refused, but gave me a list of gynecologists that might give a damn.
On the plus side, they didn't try to charge me for the visit. I also feel a million times better about the doctor I went to last week, who actually listened a number of options and tactics I could take in dealing with my problem. I finally filled the prescription she gave me and am pleased that she'll take the next steps with me in April (more on that in May, I guess).
In the meantime, this is my eighth day without coffee, as well as its companion white sugar. I did bake one batch of cookies and enjoyed a couple with friends on Saturday, and I take a little honey in my Early Grey. I don't think of it as dieting and don't feel all that restricted, probably because my house is full of so many whole foods that there's always plenty of good food for me to eat. I also sort of plan my next "treat:" tomorrow, I drive Darling to San Marcos for a work meeting at a nice little cafe, and my intention is to have a cup of coffee while waiting. Saturday will probably be my weekly baking day because my weekend is very social. I'm not saying goodby to the things I love forever and ever, I just need some time apart :)
Also, how cool is it that I am able to go to a doctor?! And my dental health is imminent. And we paid January rent today! We didn't simply put the money aside, but wrote the check and sent it to the bank. So, really, I have a whole lot to be grateful this holiday season.
Which brings me to the Employment Update: I'm going back to work next Monday! I was called back by the company I worked with in October/November, and this job should last until April. Which means Darling and I will both be earning a steady income in the first quarter of 2012, I will get the hours to qualify for my raise in March, and I will soon qualify for the union health insurance policy. See those ducks all lining up in a row? How pretty is that?
I also discussed with Darling our potential to throw a LOT of money at debt, and he is all for paying at least $1500 a month. This is not something we are taking casually - after all, putting a good deal of money in savings would also be nice, maybe taking a holiday, or something of the sort, but none of this would be as amazingly exhilarating as paying off our debt, and I think that is what will happen. My tentative goal is to be debt free by April, but that would actually cost us $1800 a month. But...if we managed to get our respective carpools set up...
If everything worked perfectly, April could be THE month for us: debt free, totally healthy, car-free, and in charge. Maybe I should find a Santa to sit on...
Hope everyone else is having a productive week-before-Christmas!
On the plus side, they didn't try to charge me for the visit. I also feel a million times better about the doctor I went to last week, who actually listened a number of options and tactics I could take in dealing with my problem. I finally filled the prescription she gave me and am pleased that she'll take the next steps with me in April (more on that in May, I guess).
In the meantime, this is my eighth day without coffee, as well as its companion white sugar. I did bake one batch of cookies and enjoyed a couple with friends on Saturday, and I take a little honey in my Early Grey. I don't think of it as dieting and don't feel all that restricted, probably because my house is full of so many whole foods that there's always plenty of good food for me to eat. I also sort of plan my next "treat:" tomorrow, I drive Darling to San Marcos for a work meeting at a nice little cafe, and my intention is to have a cup of coffee while waiting. Saturday will probably be my weekly baking day because my weekend is very social. I'm not saying goodby to the things I love forever and ever, I just need some time apart :)
Also, how cool is it that I am able to go to a doctor?! And my dental health is imminent. And we paid January rent today! We didn't simply put the money aside, but wrote the check and sent it to the bank. So, really, I have a whole lot to be grateful this holiday season.
Which brings me to the Employment Update: I'm going back to work next Monday! I was called back by the company I worked with in October/November, and this job should last until April. Which means Darling and I will both be earning a steady income in the first quarter of 2012, I will get the hours to qualify for my raise in March, and I will soon qualify for the union health insurance policy. See those ducks all lining up in a row? How pretty is that?
I also discussed with Darling our potential to throw a LOT of money at debt, and he is all for paying at least $1500 a month. This is not something we are taking casually - after all, putting a good deal of money in savings would also be nice, maybe taking a holiday, or something of the sort, but none of this would be as amazingly exhilarating as paying off our debt, and I think that is what will happen. My tentative goal is to be debt free by April, but that would actually cost us $1800 a month. But...if we managed to get our respective carpools set up...
If everything worked perfectly, April could be THE month for us: debt free, totally healthy, car-free, and in charge. Maybe I should find a Santa to sit on...
Hope everyone else is having a productive week-before-Christmas!
Friday, December 9, 2011
PCOS And My Fascist Regime
Monday I went to a doctor to ask about a chronic issue I've had since "becoming a woman."
The tentative diagnosis was PCOS. It's tentative not only because without relatively expensive blood-work we can't be sure, but because I had some of that blood-work done earlier this year to no effect. Basically, if I have PCOS it's so mild and well-managed that I only have the one symptom of any worry to me. Not that I would love some excess body hair, but it's not the worse thing in the world.
Anyway, I'll be having comprehensive blood-work done in the next couple of weeks to be sure, but I'm already working on my eating habits. Since PCOS is ultimately a matter of insulin resistance, I decided to give up sugar (or the white death, as Darling has recently started calling it). For me, giving up sugar ultimately means giving up coffee. At least three cups of coffee a day, to be honest. So I've been sleepy and drinking endless mugs of hot tea.
Knowing basically nothing about the glycemic index, the first few days I made some educated guesses. No bread, white potatoes, white rice, sugar, honey, or baking. Not too big a deal. Tea with a slice of lemon instead of coffee with sugar in the morning, and experiments with grains and lentils instead of flours and yeast in the kitchen. I'm not going to be too hard on myself, but the desire to be able to have babies one day and not be medicated the rest of my life is very motivational.
Anyway, yesterday I finally googled "glycemic index chart" and was pretty horrified. First of all, many of the charts inevitably begin with a listing of "bad" foods: honey, Snickers bars, jelly beans...The first chart I saw portrayed pound cake at the top of the list, highlighted as a "low" among the baddies. Beetroot, on the other hand, is labeled "high," but there is no indication of what sort of beet and whether or not it is canned. While any of the information on these charts might be technically true, they are laid out in a deceptive fashion. One can not help but to make a mental note, "chips are only 54?," and compare that with the healthier foods, "that's a lower GI than brown rice!" A number of charts highlight empty calorie foods, presumably so people know to...what, ignore it? Avoid the highlighted foods topping the chart? Because that's human nature.
It upset me because this information is supposedly compiled to help diabetics. This is a life or death situation put in the context of a fad diet. So I'm left trying to figure out if my insulin can be controlled, if white rice and yams could be affecting my fertility, or if it's all a net to catch people bored by the Atkins diet.
If I ever happen to lead a fascist regime, one of my many proclamations (along with the ruling that all people must decorate their homes for the winter season, and that no more Christmas movies shall ever be made again ever, and in fact Hollywood as a whole shall be dismantled in its entirety, boxed up, and mailed to thousands of discreet and distant locations around the world to be buried) will be that no for-profit corporation, organization, or individual shall be allowed to ever promote anything as a weight-loss product again. Implying that any product, be it pill, exercise, lifestyle, beverage, or machine, could in any way positively affect one's weight at all will be punishable by...I don't know, you have to help old ladies put up their Christmas lights. Only medical doctors would be licensed to make any profit as a result of diagnosis regarding the correlation between health and weight, and then only on a patient-by-patient basis - no books. (Free speech is still sacred in my fascist regime, so anyone can say whatever they want, but not profit on fear and misinformation).
The tentative diagnosis was PCOS. It's tentative not only because without relatively expensive blood-work we can't be sure, but because I had some of that blood-work done earlier this year to no effect. Basically, if I have PCOS it's so mild and well-managed that I only have the one symptom of any worry to me. Not that I would love some excess body hair, but it's not the worse thing in the world.
Anyway, I'll be having comprehensive blood-work done in the next couple of weeks to be sure, but I'm already working on my eating habits. Since PCOS is ultimately a matter of insulin resistance, I decided to give up sugar (or the white death, as Darling has recently started calling it). For me, giving up sugar ultimately means giving up coffee. At least three cups of coffee a day, to be honest. So I've been sleepy and drinking endless mugs of hot tea.
Knowing basically nothing about the glycemic index, the first few days I made some educated guesses. No bread, white potatoes, white rice, sugar, honey, or baking. Not too big a deal. Tea with a slice of lemon instead of coffee with sugar in the morning, and experiments with grains and lentils instead of flours and yeast in the kitchen. I'm not going to be too hard on myself, but the desire to be able to have babies one day and not be medicated the rest of my life is very motivational.
Anyway, yesterday I finally googled "glycemic index chart" and was pretty horrified. First of all, many of the charts inevitably begin with a listing of "bad" foods: honey, Snickers bars, jelly beans...The first chart I saw portrayed pound cake at the top of the list, highlighted as a "low" among the baddies. Beetroot, on the other hand, is labeled "high," but there is no indication of what sort of beet and whether or not it is canned. While any of the information on these charts might be technically true, they are laid out in a deceptive fashion. One can not help but to make a mental note, "chips are only 54?," and compare that with the healthier foods, "that's a lower GI than brown rice!" A number of charts highlight empty calorie foods, presumably so people know to...what, ignore it? Avoid the highlighted foods topping the chart? Because that's human nature.
It upset me because this information is supposedly compiled to help diabetics. This is a life or death situation put in the context of a fad diet. So I'm left trying to figure out if my insulin can be controlled, if white rice and yams could be affecting my fertility, or if it's all a net to catch people bored by the Atkins diet.
If I ever happen to lead a fascist regime, one of my many proclamations (along with the ruling that all people must decorate their homes for the winter season, and that no more Christmas movies shall ever be made again ever, and in fact Hollywood as a whole shall be dismantled in its entirety, boxed up, and mailed to thousands of discreet and distant locations around the world to be buried) will be that no for-profit corporation, organization, or individual shall be allowed to ever promote anything as a weight-loss product again. Implying that any product, be it pill, exercise, lifestyle, beverage, or machine, could in any way positively affect one's weight at all will be punishable by...I don't know, you have to help old ladies put up their Christmas lights. Only medical doctors would be licensed to make any profit as a result of diagnosis regarding the correlation between health and weight, and then only on a patient-by-patient basis - no books. (Free speech is still sacred in my fascist regime, so anyone can say whatever they want, but not profit on fear and misinformation).
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Why I'm Not Living Within My Means
For what felt like a long, long time, Darling and I could claim to live within our means. Looking back on that golden era it seems like we did everything right: we did NOT eat out, we worked side jobs for food and debt servicing, we lived in the smallest space anyone would rent a couple, we borrowed cars to drive to the Mennonite bulk store, every single piece of furniture, and some of our food, was rescued from the garbage man...ah, to be young and wise again...Despite our pitiful income, we were able to pay off debt and save like maniacs!
Why were we doing so well with a fraction of our current income, when we can't we get it together here and now? What went wrong?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I'm finally - FINALLY - coming to terms with the fact that although we did many things right, we were not living within our means.
Living within one's means is often defined as spending less than one earns. Without access to credit, Darling and I had not problem spending less than we earned. After paying rent and bills, there was too little to take to the store. Paying debt online was the least painful way managing the pitiful remnants of my paycheck. Over the course of a couple of years, that amount naturally increased, and we tucked it away out of habit. Which looks good on paper, but misses the finer points.
Those years of hardcore frugality Darling and I never addressed our dental or vision needs. Heck, we didn't even get haircuts for a couple of years! We were paying debt, sure, and even saving a good deal, but investing in personal care was put on a permanent back-burner.
After moving to Austin Darling and I started seeing an optometrist, which is fairly expensive. We also started playing the health insurance game. Someday I'll sit down to do the math for a precise figure, but we definitely spent several thousand dollars on health insurance that saved us, at most, a thousand bucks. But it was a necessary learning experience. In the meantime, actually getting the dental care we needed - with or without insurance - was an incredibly trying undertaking. It took four years to find someone I could trust and afford, and only in the past two years have I actually received any beneficial treatment!
The more we earn, the more capable we are to address such needs, and the more we spend on a monthly basis as we try and repair the damage of previous neglect.
The good news is that we're finally coping with these expenses with the help of neither the credit nor insurance industry. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and a realistic limit to our needs. Soon, very soon, Darling and I will be healthy, working, and debt free. Then we can honestly claim to live within our means.
Why were we doing so well with a fraction of our current income, when we can't we get it together here and now? What went wrong?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I'm finally - FINALLY - coming to terms with the fact that although we did many things right, we were not living within our means.
Living within one's means is often defined as spending less than one earns. Without access to credit, Darling and I had not problem spending less than we earned. After paying rent and bills, there was too little to take to the store. Paying debt online was the least painful way managing the pitiful remnants of my paycheck. Over the course of a couple of years, that amount naturally increased, and we tucked it away out of habit. Which looks good on paper, but misses the finer points.
Those years of hardcore frugality Darling and I never addressed our dental or vision needs. Heck, we didn't even get haircuts for a couple of years! We were paying debt, sure, and even saving a good deal, but investing in personal care was put on a permanent back-burner.
After moving to Austin Darling and I started seeing an optometrist, which is fairly expensive. We also started playing the health insurance game. Someday I'll sit down to do the math for a precise figure, but we definitely spent several thousand dollars on health insurance that saved us, at most, a thousand bucks. But it was a necessary learning experience. In the meantime, actually getting the dental care we needed - with or without insurance - was an incredibly trying undertaking. It took four years to find someone I could trust and afford, and only in the past two years have I actually received any beneficial treatment!
The more we earn, the more capable we are to address such needs, and the more we spend on a monthly basis as we try and repair the damage of previous neglect.
The good news is that we're finally coping with these expenses with the help of neither the credit nor insurance industry. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and a realistic limit to our needs. Soon, very soon, Darling and I will be healthy, working, and debt free. Then we can honestly claim to live within our means.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
2011 Resolutions
The resolution I was most excited about this year was my decision not to get into a car. At all.
FAIL.
I drove more this year than ever before. And I hated almost every moment of it. And I had so many bad experiences behind the wheel: getting rear-ended downtown, driving into a manager at work, getting hopelessly lost driving a coworker home, being stuck in traffic for untold hours...All those benefits I thought there would be to having a truck handy? Okay, I was able to give BS rides to gigs, shop for groceries, drop donations off at St. Vincents, and get to and from family gatherings with relative ease. Was it worth it?
No. Not by a long shot.
What about getting to and from work?
Well...I don't know. I just don't know.
Speaking of things I don't know about: Veganism. My focus on this ebbed and flowed depending on what was going on in the rest of my life. I successfully snuck a vegan chocolate-peanut-butter pie to Thanksgiving dinner, found a scrambled tofu recipe I actually like, and went a few days without thinking about eggs or milk. But the mornings I woke up and headed to the plant, I honestly wanted nothing in the world besides a fried egg on buttered toast.
I DID succeed at tabulating my income and expenses every month as described in Your Money or Your Life. And I do intend to actually take the next step of this program in the next week or so. Maybe even today?
I rode my bike every day for 100 days in a row. I rode it to visit Raja and see Oblio on his first day of life, I rode in the rain and sleet, rode it all the way back to Austin from our campground north of Leander, rode home from closing the pub at night, rode to and from doctor appointments, rode along Texas highways and beautiful inner-city bike paths. It was one of the coolest things I did this year, and even if I felt 265 days short of my original goal, I still consider this a success.
So, two wins, two fails, and lots of lessons learned all around. Not bad, really. Anyone else make headway on this year's resolutions?
FAIL.
I drove more this year than ever before. And I hated almost every moment of it. And I had so many bad experiences behind the wheel: getting rear-ended downtown, driving into a manager at work, getting hopelessly lost driving a coworker home, being stuck in traffic for untold hours...All those benefits I thought there would be to having a truck handy? Okay, I was able to give BS rides to gigs, shop for groceries, drop donations off at St. Vincents, and get to and from family gatherings with relative ease. Was it worth it?
No. Not by a long shot.
What about getting to and from work?
Well...I don't know. I just don't know.
Speaking of things I don't know about: Veganism. My focus on this ebbed and flowed depending on what was going on in the rest of my life. I successfully snuck a vegan chocolate-peanut-butter pie to Thanksgiving dinner, found a scrambled tofu recipe I actually like, and went a few days without thinking about eggs or milk. But the mornings I woke up and headed to the plant, I honestly wanted nothing in the world besides a fried egg on buttered toast.
I DID succeed at tabulating my income and expenses every month as described in Your Money or Your Life. And I do intend to actually take the next step of this program in the next week or so. Maybe even today?
I rode my bike every day for 100 days in a row. I rode it to visit Raja and see Oblio on his first day of life, I rode in the rain and sleet, rode it all the way back to Austin from our campground north of Leander, rode home from closing the pub at night, rode to and from doctor appointments, rode along Texas highways and beautiful inner-city bike paths. It was one of the coolest things I did this year, and even if I felt 265 days short of my original goal, I still consider this a success.
So, two wins, two fails, and lots of lessons learned all around. Not bad, really. Anyone else make headway on this year's resolutions?
Friday, December 2, 2011
December Net Worth and Commute Discovery
Last month I totally didn't report my net worth. It was calculated, accidentally deleted, and then apparently forgotten. Oops.
Rest assured that between the $1,000 loan from my mom, mounting interest on my student loans, and earning roughly $600 in October, November's net worth wasn't pretty. December would probably look good in comparison, though it's still not impressive.
I have $2,783.80 in assets and $10,077.11 in debt, giving me a total net worth of -$7,293.80.
Having earned so much money I've been resisting the urge to make grand proclamations regarding my net worth in the coming months. It seems that Darling and I will both be working and earning more than ever. Darling's new job is especially promising, with the single glaring flaw that it is a 60+ mile drive away.
Up until yesterday the most affordable and reasonable idea I could come up with was to rent Darling a studio apartment within a half-mile from his work-site. Which is still a possibility, but I found a completely phenomenal Plan B yesterday: The CapMetro Vanpool.
If 5-12 folks need to get to and from a location at least three days a week, Austin's public transportation office will provide a van for only $60/person a month. Not only does that $60 cover gas, maintenance, insurance, and so on, but the driver is excluded from that fee. Outside the metro area, a $.61/mile fee is applied.
So if only four of Darling's coworkers in Temple are commuting from Austin - which is very likely - the total price per person would be, at most, $390 a month. The driver would pay $360.
That's a hundred dollars less than what Darling and I would pay driving the truck. For someone driving, say, a relatively new Toyota Camry, however, that's about a hundred dollars more - assuming they can find gas at the fairly cheap price of $3.00 or less, which I can't, but the internet assures me is possible. However, if 8 people join the vanpool, it will cost the passengers only $266 each ($206 for the driver), which will be a savings for anyone getting less than 31 mpg. If the maximum 12 people join the carpool, which strikes me as a reasonable expectation, riders will pay a maximum of $197.50 a month!
Again, this is an estimation. I actually think the daily price will be slightly less, and on Monday I'll talk with the capmetro office to determine more precise figures. I also think it's reasonable to expect the price of gas to increase in the next six months, and also inevitable traffic is going to decrease everyone's mpg drastically. I also came to my total cost by counting the work days in January. Most months seem to have twenty-one work days, a couple have twenty-three, which will add a little variation to monthly cost, but not savings.
Other benefits include a free monthly bus pass for each rider, normally $20, and a certain number of emergency cab vouchers to prevent members from being stranded. The driver, as well as getting the $60 discount, can also get discounts on personal car insurance discounts and other perks, such as using the van to run errands during the day. Also, there are the untold benefits of simply not needing one's car every day: no missing work due to a failed transmission, flat tire, empty gas tank, or the other inevitable results of driving 18,000 miles in six months.
Frankly, I can't believe Darling's future co-workers wouldn't jump at this opportunity! If so, we'll save SO much money!
What's more is that my coworkers could do the same thing, and since we won't be leaving Austin it will only cost us $60/month total! If Darling is Vanpooling to Temple and I vanpool to the plant, our travel costs will be $450 for the entire month. That's quite a bit of money, but half of what it would cost for Darling to rent a small apartment and visit on weekends.
Of course, there are other options. Hopefully even if we can't find enough people to vanpool someone with a small car will offer Darling rides, and the same goes for me at the plant. That could be even cheaper, but without the safety nets offered by the metro. Also, I just love the idea of convincing twenty-two other drivers to leave their cars at home!
Rest assured that between the $1,000 loan from my mom, mounting interest on my student loans, and earning roughly $600 in October, November's net worth wasn't pretty. December would probably look good in comparison, though it's still not impressive.
I have $2,783.80 in assets and $10,077.11 in debt, giving me a total net worth of -$7,293.80.
Having earned so much money I've been resisting the urge to make grand proclamations regarding my net worth in the coming months. It seems that Darling and I will both be working and earning more than ever. Darling's new job is especially promising, with the single glaring flaw that it is a 60+ mile drive away.
Up until yesterday the most affordable and reasonable idea I could come up with was to rent Darling a studio apartment within a half-mile from his work-site. Which is still a possibility, but I found a completely phenomenal Plan B yesterday: The CapMetro Vanpool.
If 5-12 folks need to get to and from a location at least three days a week, Austin's public transportation office will provide a van for only $60/person a month. Not only does that $60 cover gas, maintenance, insurance, and so on, but the driver is excluded from that fee. Outside the metro area, a $.61/mile fee is applied.
So if only four of Darling's coworkers in Temple are commuting from Austin - which is very likely - the total price per person would be, at most, $390 a month. The driver would pay $360.
That's a hundred dollars less than what Darling and I would pay driving the truck. For someone driving, say, a relatively new Toyota Camry, however, that's about a hundred dollars more - assuming they can find gas at the fairly cheap price of $3.00 or less, which I can't, but the internet assures me is possible. However, if 8 people join the vanpool, it will cost the passengers only $266 each ($206 for the driver), which will be a savings for anyone getting less than 31 mpg. If the maximum 12 people join the carpool, which strikes me as a reasonable expectation, riders will pay a maximum of $197.50 a month!
Again, this is an estimation. I actually think the daily price will be slightly less, and on Monday I'll talk with the capmetro office to determine more precise figures. I also think it's reasonable to expect the price of gas to increase in the next six months, and also inevitable traffic is going to decrease everyone's mpg drastically. I also came to my total cost by counting the work days in January. Most months seem to have twenty-one work days, a couple have twenty-three, which will add a little variation to monthly cost, but not savings.
Other benefits include a free monthly bus pass for each rider, normally $20, and a certain number of emergency cab vouchers to prevent members from being stranded. The driver, as well as getting the $60 discount, can also get discounts on personal car insurance discounts and other perks, such as using the van to run errands during the day. Also, there are the untold benefits of simply not needing one's car every day: no missing work due to a failed transmission, flat tire, empty gas tank, or the other inevitable results of driving 18,000 miles in six months.
Frankly, I can't believe Darling's future co-workers wouldn't jump at this opportunity! If so, we'll save SO much money!
What's more is that my coworkers could do the same thing, and since we won't be leaving Austin it will only cost us $60/month total! If Darling is Vanpooling to Temple and I vanpool to the plant, our travel costs will be $450 for the entire month. That's quite a bit of money, but half of what it would cost for Darling to rent a small apartment and visit on weekends.
Of course, there are other options. Hopefully even if we can't find enough people to vanpool someone with a small car will offer Darling rides, and the same goes for me at the plant. That could be even cheaper, but without the safety nets offered by the metro. Also, I just love the idea of convincing twenty-two other drivers to leave their cars at home!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The Cost Of Work
Tabulating my income, expenses, and Real Hourly Wage was more complicated in November than ever before. Even when I was balancing cleaning houses, waiting tables, and serving coffee, tracking hours and tips was a more manageable ordeal. Darling was a champ, of course, tracking his time on the job, getting to work, getting home, and money spent on bus tickets. Compiling all the information in a way that makes sense is the challenge. The more I categorize our spending, the more detailed it becomes. Early next year I might post our January 2011 tabulations next to our December tabulations so you can see what I mean. What originally took 68 lines on a spreadsheet now spans 163, to give you a clue of how much intricacy my personal "budget" has developed in only ten months.
We earned a lot of money in November. Easily twice as much as we've earned in previous "good months." That helped make up for the fact that, besides a massive loan from Mom, we made less than $600 in October. Swings and roundabouts, as my beloved says. That enabled us to pay October and November's rent, purchase three tofurkeys to share at the family dinner, devote $400 to my teeth, and mail off $260 for Darling's passport renewal. Any one of these expenses would have been a challenge to us in recent history. We also paid off two months of Darling's phone bill and two months of my union dues at once, simply because we felt like it. Also, we very nearly have the cash to pay rent in full. We should have it all, and probably will by the time a housemate gets to the bank next week, but it's still kind of a bummer to be a hundred bucks short.
In fact, let's talk about the bummer elements of last month's spending: only $300 to my student loan company, which is a lot, but not enough considering I haven't paid anything in months (fortunately I don't have to worry about late fees - I could probably miss a year's worth of payments before they start charging those). Also, I was planning on having $600 worth of work done on my teeth, not just $400. I shouldn't have had to choose between that and making rent considering Mom loaned me the tooth money last month.
So...where did we go wrong, financially speaking? Our food and eating out expenses were normal - despite the tofurkeys and buying my family dinner. Our entertainment budget included one item, a $21 gift I absolutely had to buy for my niece. We spent less on booze than last month, which wasn't difficult, but still...No, the culprit was not among the usual suspects. One category of spending towered above the rest, ominous and disturbing and infuriating all at once: Work Expenses.
Holy Home Depot, Batman. We spent a lot of money to work. Naturally I wanted to blame Darling, who spent three times as much on tools as I did. Plus, his cell phone is a work expense - we don't give the number to friends or family at all. But I spent a little more than he did to work. Gas for the truck cost us over $200, and my union dues take another bite out of the bank balance.
Despite all this, Darling and my combined Real Hourly Wage (Income - Work-Related Expenses / Hour Worked and Commute time) is still very reasonable. Not so much as when I was cleaning and waiting tables, which cost me almost nothing, but still reasonable considering how steady the hours are.
Have you ever tracked the time and money you've spent on work? Taking into account the coffee you need to get through the morning (especially if you stop at a shop, unable to take time to brew at home), the professional shoes, the second reliable vehicle so your significant can get to work, childcare, hours spent tweaking the resume, days spent in traffic, drinks with coworkers, time and money devoted to training...Have you ever really seriously thought about how much you pay to work? If not, try it for a few months, let me know what you find :)
We earned a lot of money in November. Easily twice as much as we've earned in previous "good months." That helped make up for the fact that, besides a massive loan from Mom, we made less than $600 in October. Swings and roundabouts, as my beloved says. That enabled us to pay October and November's rent, purchase three tofurkeys to share at the family dinner, devote $400 to my teeth, and mail off $260 for Darling's passport renewal. Any one of these expenses would have been a challenge to us in recent history. We also paid off two months of Darling's phone bill and two months of my union dues at once, simply because we felt like it. Also, we very nearly have the cash to pay rent in full. We should have it all, and probably will by the time a housemate gets to the bank next week, but it's still kind of a bummer to be a hundred bucks short.
In fact, let's talk about the bummer elements of last month's spending: only $300 to my student loan company, which is a lot, but not enough considering I haven't paid anything in months (fortunately I don't have to worry about late fees - I could probably miss a year's worth of payments before they start charging those). Also, I was planning on having $600 worth of work done on my teeth, not just $400. I shouldn't have had to choose between that and making rent considering Mom loaned me the tooth money last month.
So...where did we go wrong, financially speaking? Our food and eating out expenses were normal - despite the tofurkeys and buying my family dinner. Our entertainment budget included one item, a $21 gift I absolutely had to buy for my niece. We spent less on booze than last month, which wasn't difficult, but still...No, the culprit was not among the usual suspects. One category of spending towered above the rest, ominous and disturbing and infuriating all at once: Work Expenses.
Holy Home Depot, Batman. We spent a lot of money to work. Naturally I wanted to blame Darling, who spent three times as much on tools as I did. Plus, his cell phone is a work expense - we don't give the number to friends or family at all. But I spent a little more than he did to work. Gas for the truck cost us over $200, and my union dues take another bite out of the bank balance.
Despite all this, Darling and my combined Real Hourly Wage (Income - Work-Related Expenses / Hour Worked and Commute time) is still very reasonable. Not so much as when I was cleaning and waiting tables, which cost me almost nothing, but still reasonable considering how steady the hours are.
Have you ever tracked the time and money you've spent on work? Taking into account the coffee you need to get through the morning (especially if you stop at a shop, unable to take time to brew at home), the professional shoes, the second reliable vehicle so your significant can get to work, childcare, hours spent tweaking the resume, days spent in traffic, drinks with coworkers, time and money devoted to training...Have you ever really seriously thought about how much you pay to work? If not, try it for a few months, let me know what you find :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Dental Update and Happy Story
I just came back from the first part of my root canal! My face feels like it's on fire, but I'm so pleased to have taken yet another big step towards dental health :)
I'll be completing the procedure, cap and all, mid-January. Then I think there's just one more molar that needs expensive work: that which had a root canal last year but wasn't left with enough exposed crown to cap. They'll remove a bit of my gum line to finish the job, which should be an appropriately pleasant way to wrap up a series of pleasant procedures. Then it's just a matter of filling in a few cavities and I will be finished, possibly by my birthday. I couldn't ask for anything more precious.
Before my root canal I rode the bus downtown to make a couple of bank deposits. Waiting at the stop to get home, a handful of under-and-unemployed folks greeted a new comer, who proceeded to share an amazing story. He was at Occupy Austin playing his guitar when a woman approached him. She asked if he believed in Jesus, and he said yes. She asked him what it would take to get his life together, and he responded, "transportation and money."
"Get on Craigslist," she said, "and find transportation."
He found a vehicle priced at $6,000. She bought it for him, apparently on the spot. Then she asked how much money he thought he needed. He figured that to get an apartment, pay the first and last month deposit, buy some work clothes, and enough food to get through a few months, he would need $5,000.
She handed him a cashiers check.
Then she left. I don't know how she bought a car and registered it in his name, or how long it took this all to transpire, but she didn't even tell this guy her name. She just handed over $11,000 and walked away. She didn't know him from Adam, but pretty much completely changed his life. Not only with a financial favor, not only by providing him with the chance to shower and eat and show up to interviews looking respectable, but this guy was rocked to his core. Her kindness made him want to be kind, to be a better person because he couldn't stand the idea of wasting this wonderful stranger's small fortune.
Maybe someday soon I can find a way to be that kind to a stranger...
I'll be completing the procedure, cap and all, mid-January. Then I think there's just one more molar that needs expensive work: that which had a root canal last year but wasn't left with enough exposed crown to cap. They'll remove a bit of my gum line to finish the job, which should be an appropriately pleasant way to wrap up a series of pleasant procedures. Then it's just a matter of filling in a few cavities and I will be finished, possibly by my birthday. I couldn't ask for anything more precious.
Before my root canal I rode the bus downtown to make a couple of bank deposits. Waiting at the stop to get home, a handful of under-and-unemployed folks greeted a new comer, who proceeded to share an amazing story. He was at Occupy Austin playing his guitar when a woman approached him. She asked if he believed in Jesus, and he said yes. She asked him what it would take to get his life together, and he responded, "transportation and money."
"Get on Craigslist," she said, "and find transportation."
He found a vehicle priced at $6,000. She bought it for him, apparently on the spot. Then she asked how much money he thought he needed. He figured that to get an apartment, pay the first and last month deposit, buy some work clothes, and enough food to get through a few months, he would need $5,000.
She handed him a cashiers check.
Then she left. I don't know how she bought a car and registered it in his name, or how long it took this all to transpire, but she didn't even tell this guy her name. She just handed over $11,000 and walked away. She didn't know him from Adam, but pretty much completely changed his life. Not only with a financial favor, not only by providing him with the chance to shower and eat and show up to interviews looking respectable, but this guy was rocked to his core. Her kindness made him want to be kind, to be a better person because he couldn't stand the idea of wasting this wonderful stranger's small fortune.
Maybe someday soon I can find a way to be that kind to a stranger...
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saying Goodbye To Raja and Xy
Raja told me yesterday that she, Xy, and baby Oblio are moving to Minnesota. In January. In fact, I think they plan to leave on or by the first.
I've been accused - by Raja herself, actually - of being hypocritical regarding my friends' choices to travel and relocate. During my late teens and early twenties, "home" was a very casual concept for me. I up and left apartments, cities, and communities with neither thought nor care. God forbid my friends even move across town, though, where I'll never see them again.
I think moving from Virginia to Texas was the rude awakening. I experienced acute and desperate homesickness that makes me hesitate to once more tear up my roots. I even suspect that yesterday's essay on cooperative living reflects my fear of inevitable departure more than anything else. So finding out that one of my best friends is up and leaving in four weeks just kind of makes me feel numb all over.
I can relate, of course, with the urge to pull up stakes and reinvent myself across the country. Darling and I talk about it a lot - not in an icy tundra, of course - but, y'know, somewhere. Heck, I can't even really deny the logic of simply joining Darling in Temple for 2012. Especially now the godbaby is out of the picture...
I've been accused - by Raja herself, actually - of being hypocritical regarding my friends' choices to travel and relocate. During my late teens and early twenties, "home" was a very casual concept for me. I up and left apartments, cities, and communities with neither thought nor care. God forbid my friends even move across town, though, where I'll never see them again.
I think moving from Virginia to Texas was the rude awakening. I experienced acute and desperate homesickness that makes me hesitate to once more tear up my roots. I even suspect that yesterday's essay on cooperative living reflects my fear of inevitable departure more than anything else. So finding out that one of my best friends is up and leaving in four weeks just kind of makes me feel numb all over.
I can relate, of course, with the urge to pull up stakes and reinvent myself across the country. Darling and I talk about it a lot - not in an icy tundra, of course - but, y'know, somewhere. Heck, I can't even really deny the logic of simply joining Darling in Temple for 2012. Especially now the godbaby is out of the picture...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Benefits of Cooperative Living
Last night the house hosted a potluck and clothing swap. I got to stuff myself silly with pie and found two "new" shirts. My cousin-in-law K attended, which was very cool. She's going back to college and trying to move out of her family home and I had a very, very hard time not spewing cooperative propaganda. I kept catching myself, not meaning to preach but strangely overwhelmed by my own enthusiasm.
I didn't realize just how in love with this lifestyle I am before last night, when the benefits had to be described in hard numbers and casual ease. "The rents is so low," I said, "and we have procedures to handle any social issues that arise." It was like describing the benefits of marriage in terms of filing taxes and acquiring health insurance. The finances are the most shallow and celebrated nature of cooperative living. In the meantime, the friendships, support, and challenges are immeasurably more valuable and almost impossible to talk about. Especially the challenges, which have made me a better, stronger, and more loving person than I could have imagined. The challenges that have pushed Darling and me to experience our marriage as the intricate institution that it is, to tear it down and rebuild it as constantly as we ourselves are forced to evolve.
It never gets easier. Marriage, friendships, family...the same B.S. rears its ugly head time and time again, year after year, generation after generation. Many of our behaviors are learned, others seem hopelessly embedded in our DNA. I walk in the shadow of Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism, the twin guardsmen of my family's genetic down-spiral. Do you know how that comes into play in terms of social cooperation?
The successful group environment demands the best of us, all the time, there's no room for the micro-biological in terms of running a household or business or family. Not to suggest we don't face those obstacles, quite the contrary. Our housemates get depressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken, and fall off their personal wagons every week. They lose jobs and family members and sometimes their dignity. But they are never left to languish, never allowed to backtrack too far. As a group, we focus on moving forward becoming better. The building blocks of health - a moderately clean home, wholesome groceries, heat and hot water - are consistently available. Someone is always available to listen, someone who knows and cares about you. Spend a week in bed, or partying too hard, or whatever. But next week? You have to get the groceries. You have to make the meetings. You have to be the shoulder to cry on, make the tea, hunt down a bottle of Asprin...Also? We have to paint the house, fix the fridge, haul out the trash, plant the garlic, hold a yard sale, stop by Habitat for Humanity, plan a fundraiser, and rework the budget.
Those learned habits and behaviors? We overcome them. Over time, we discover the difference between who we are and who we choose to be. We learn that doing the dishes, by hand, after every meal is so easy that dishwashers are a laughable invention, even for a household of nine. We learn that replacing the motor in a washing machine is easy even if we're not "handy." We learn that certain tones of voice aren't necessary to make our point, then we question what makes us angry and why. We learn that cooking isn't such a mystery after all, we learn how to ask for help, we learn how to listen.
We change for the better. So maybe the next bad week won't be quite as devastating as the last.
Not every housing co-op is for every person. There are many, many dysfunctional group living situations - Darling and I have both lived in several. Our own house has been through some very rough times and perhaps wasn't the most nourishing place to live at one time or another. But the reward of looking, working, and honestly trying to build a group home is indefinable. I wish I could give it to every young adult and every mature senior who feels alone and unappreciated, everyone who has something to learn and something to teach, every couple who lacks the family context necessary to thrive. Hopefully that's where our world is heading towards, a revival of large families and tight-knit communities, a replacement of the "independent" man with the empowered individual. Hopefully I get to be a part of that for the rest of my life.
I didn't realize just how in love with this lifestyle I am before last night, when the benefits had to be described in hard numbers and casual ease. "The rents is so low," I said, "and we have procedures to handle any social issues that arise." It was like describing the benefits of marriage in terms of filing taxes and acquiring health insurance. The finances are the most shallow and celebrated nature of cooperative living. In the meantime, the friendships, support, and challenges are immeasurably more valuable and almost impossible to talk about. Especially the challenges, which have made me a better, stronger, and more loving person than I could have imagined. The challenges that have pushed Darling and me to experience our marriage as the intricate institution that it is, to tear it down and rebuild it as constantly as we ourselves are forced to evolve.
It never gets easier. Marriage, friendships, family...the same B.S. rears its ugly head time and time again, year after year, generation after generation. Many of our behaviors are learned, others seem hopelessly embedded in our DNA. I walk in the shadow of Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism, the twin guardsmen of my family's genetic down-spiral. Do you know how that comes into play in terms of social cooperation?
The successful group environment demands the best of us, all the time, there's no room for the micro-biological in terms of running a household or business or family. Not to suggest we don't face those obstacles, quite the contrary. Our housemates get depressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken, and fall off their personal wagons every week. They lose jobs and family members and sometimes their dignity. But they are never left to languish, never allowed to backtrack too far. As a group, we focus on moving forward becoming better. The building blocks of health - a moderately clean home, wholesome groceries, heat and hot water - are consistently available. Someone is always available to listen, someone who knows and cares about you. Spend a week in bed, or partying too hard, or whatever. But next week? You have to get the groceries. You have to make the meetings. You have to be the shoulder to cry on, make the tea, hunt down a bottle of Asprin...Also? We have to paint the house, fix the fridge, haul out the trash, plant the garlic, hold a yard sale, stop by Habitat for Humanity, plan a fundraiser, and rework the budget.
Those learned habits and behaviors? We overcome them. Over time, we discover the difference between who we are and who we choose to be. We learn that doing the dishes, by hand, after every meal is so easy that dishwashers are a laughable invention, even for a household of nine. We learn that replacing the motor in a washing machine is easy even if we're not "handy." We learn that certain tones of voice aren't necessary to make our point, then we question what makes us angry and why. We learn that cooking isn't such a mystery after all, we learn how to ask for help, we learn how to listen.
We change for the better. So maybe the next bad week won't be quite as devastating as the last.
Not every housing co-op is for every person. There are many, many dysfunctional group living situations - Darling and I have both lived in several. Our own house has been through some very rough times and perhaps wasn't the most nourishing place to live at one time or another. But the reward of looking, working, and honestly trying to build a group home is indefinable. I wish I could give it to every young adult and every mature senior who feels alone and unappreciated, everyone who has something to learn and something to teach, every couple who lacks the family context necessary to thrive. Hopefully that's where our world is heading towards, a revival of large families and tight-knit communities, a replacement of the "independent" man with the empowered individual. Hopefully I get to be a part of that for the rest of my life.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Work Trade Learning Experience
Last week I met someone who referred to himself as a carpenter. Despite being a union apprentice and slowly/surely developing my power-tool prowess, I can't quite bring myself to claim the title. To be quite honest, building clean rooms is so sterile and standardized that it doesn't quite feel like carpentry. The carpenters who live in my mind's eye are rough and wind-blown and almost as dirty as farmers.
Anyway, this carpenter whom I happened to meet over a game of Scrabble (because I live in an after-school program, apparently), mentioned that that he has a compound miter saw he's looking to sell. I can count the number of power tools I've used on one hand, but it just so happens that a compound miter saw is one of them. I ask him about his price, mentioning that I've been sniffing around that area of employment. Then I dropped the matter, as my rule regarding tools is that if I'm not using it for an immediate job or in class, I probably don't need one.
A while later he brought it up again and I suggested a work trade. It just so happened that he needed help with a project at his house - just down the road from mine - and would trade the saw for a few hours of my time.
Not knowing what to expect, I showed up at his house Wednesday at noon. I was totally amazed at what I found. His house, located on a typical spacious South Austin Lot, is a three-story straw-bale structure. I've never seen anything like it.
He and another worker were already constructing a massive rain barrel out of cement and wire mesh. He taught me to mix cement in correct proportions and consistency and later showed me how his rainwater system worked. It was all very educational and not very difficult at all, the sort of thing many people would pay to attend a workshop on.
I should be heading back to finish the job in a few weeks and bring home my saw, which isn't a fraction as valuable to me as the learning experience. This guy is doing pretty much exactly what I want to learn! I can't wait to find out what other projects he might let me in on :)
Anyway, this carpenter whom I happened to meet over a game of Scrabble (because I live in an after-school program, apparently), mentioned that that he has a compound miter saw he's looking to sell. I can count the number of power tools I've used on one hand, but it just so happens that a compound miter saw is one of them. I ask him about his price, mentioning that I've been sniffing around that area of employment. Then I dropped the matter, as my rule regarding tools is that if I'm not using it for an immediate job or in class, I probably don't need one.
A while later he brought it up again and I suggested a work trade. It just so happened that he needed help with a project at his house - just down the road from mine - and would trade the saw for a few hours of my time.
Not knowing what to expect, I showed up at his house Wednesday at noon. I was totally amazed at what I found. His house, located on a typical spacious South Austin Lot, is a three-story straw-bale structure. I've never seen anything like it.
He and another worker were already constructing a massive rain barrel out of cement and wire mesh. He taught me to mix cement in correct proportions and consistency and later showed me how his rainwater system worked. It was all very educational and not very difficult at all, the sort of thing many people would pay to attend a workshop on.
I should be heading back to finish the job in a few weeks and bring home my saw, which isn't a fraction as valuable to me as the learning experience. This guy is doing pretty much exactly what I want to learn! I can't wait to find out what other projects he might let me in on :)
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving Report, 2012
Darling and I spent yet another Thanksgiving at my brother and sister-in-laws house. They are so sweet: they have four generations of her family, my Mom, Dad, Aunt, and Uncle, and two or three extra families over for dinner. There was so much food and booze and merriment. I'm more impressed every year :)
That said, Darling and I are definitely doing something different next Thanksgiving. I didn't even realize that this year was a carbon copy of 2010 until reviewing my Thanksgiving Blog posts. Darling and I even house-sat for my stepmother! And while I love my family, there are unfortunate patterns forming. I'm thinking that we'll either host a vegetarian Thanksgiving feast at the co-op or head to VA to spend the holiday with Darling's sister and brother-in-law.
Now, to start thinking about Christmas...
That said, Darling and I are definitely doing something different next Thanksgiving. I didn't even realize that this year was a carbon copy of 2010 until reviewing my Thanksgiving Blog posts. Darling and I even house-sat for my stepmother! And while I love my family, there are unfortunate patterns forming. I'm thinking that we'll either host a vegetarian Thanksgiving feast at the co-op or head to VA to spend the holiday with Darling's sister and brother-in-law.
Now, to start thinking about Christmas...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
What I'm Thankful For:
A chocolate-peanut butter pie, a vegan gravy, and three tofurkeys to take to the family dinner. All thrown together after helping Mom roll out her beloved sugarplums and before picking my Dad-plus-one from his place.
And five minutes left in between for some quiet coffee time.
And five minutes left in between for some quiet coffee time.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Change, Multi-Fold
Darling got hired for his next gig! And it's the Big One.
For all of two weeks it looked like solar install jobs were falling out of the sky. Then it looked like they were all no-gos, job interviews and the like being postponed for weeks for one reason or another. Because most gigs only last a couple of months, there's a sort of anxiety about planning ahead to avoid downtime. That all said, Mr. Softly has kept himself roof-side but was just about to grow anxious about "what's next?" I was even just about to wonder if we should consider a permanent relocation to a city more in need of installers than Austin, which probably churns out hundreds a year, when Darling announced his most recent and impressive employment to date.
I've mentioned the Temple job before. It's something of a breakthrough for Darling. It's a six-month position starting early January, which will take our minds off "what's next" for the time being and also look phenomenal on a resume. The pay is excellent. And, most important, the corporation operatives internationally, which means travel and possibly consistent work. In fact, they've already contacted him about possibly doing a brief (weekend) stint in Utah next month.
Naturally, I have a lot of basic concerns. Such as, How the heck are we going to handle Darling working an hour-and-a-half drive away for six months? I am obviously not happy about that. The commute is inconceivable: three hours on the road and gas will eat up the better part of his income, and leave me without the truck to get to any work I might be offered (and I should be back at the plant mid-December). I already mentioned our plan to rent him a studio apartment next to his work site, and have used google maps to locate one that looks perfect and fits the cheaper-than-gas budget, but it's still a bummer to be renting my husband an apartment so far away from me.
Part of me wants to find someone to sublet our room at the co-op, pack out belongings, and spend the bulk of 2012 in the little TX town together. The fact that Darling and I haven't even discussed that possibility says a LOT about how much we've changed in the past couple of years. Not only does leaving the house seem totally inconceivable - not while I'm on the board of directors - but so does abandoning my fledgling apprenticeship at the union, which is what moving so far away would amount to. Also, could I stand to be away from my friends and family for so long?
I'm not saying that option is totally out of the question, but in the not-very-distant past we would have jumped at the chance to totally re-work our entire lives, just for the experience. I certainly wouldn't have let a job get in my way, much less the suggestion of a job!
For all of two weeks it looked like solar install jobs were falling out of the sky. Then it looked like they were all no-gos, job interviews and the like being postponed for weeks for one reason or another. Because most gigs only last a couple of months, there's a sort of anxiety about planning ahead to avoid downtime. That all said, Mr. Softly has kept himself roof-side but was just about to grow anxious about "what's next?" I was even just about to wonder if we should consider a permanent relocation to a city more in need of installers than Austin, which probably churns out hundreds a year, when Darling announced his most recent and impressive employment to date.
I've mentioned the Temple job before. It's something of a breakthrough for Darling. It's a six-month position starting early January, which will take our minds off "what's next" for the time being and also look phenomenal on a resume. The pay is excellent. And, most important, the corporation operatives internationally, which means travel and possibly consistent work. In fact, they've already contacted him about possibly doing a brief (weekend) stint in Utah next month.
Naturally, I have a lot of basic concerns. Such as, How the heck are we going to handle Darling working an hour-and-a-half drive away for six months? I am obviously not happy about that. The commute is inconceivable: three hours on the road and gas will eat up the better part of his income, and leave me without the truck to get to any work I might be offered (and I should be back at the plant mid-December). I already mentioned our plan to rent him a studio apartment next to his work site, and have used google maps to locate one that looks perfect and fits the cheaper-than-gas budget, but it's still a bummer to be renting my husband an apartment so far away from me.
Part of me wants to find someone to sublet our room at the co-op, pack out belongings, and spend the bulk of 2012 in the little TX town together. The fact that Darling and I haven't even discussed that possibility says a LOT about how much we've changed in the past couple of years. Not only does leaving the house seem totally inconceivable - not while I'm on the board of directors - but so does abandoning my fledgling apprenticeship at the union, which is what moving so far away would amount to. Also, could I stand to be away from my friends and family for so long?
I'm not saying that option is totally out of the question, but in the not-very-distant past we would have jumped at the chance to totally re-work our entire lives, just for the experience. I certainly wouldn't have let a job get in my way, much less the suggestion of a job!
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Price of Catching Up
Last week I worked a total of twenty-five hours, four of which were over-time and two of double-time, which gave us a nice little financial boost.Which I was really surprised to discover we needed...Darling and I have been working like crazy and earning good money, where the heck did it all go?!
Sure, I've purchased the occasional breakfast taco. But so far this month I've only put gas in the truck twice and haven't socially boozed since Halloween. Then again, we did spend a LOT of money on tools. I went back and forth like this until I found the culprit lurking, not in my daily expense records, but my checkbook. What set us so far behind?
Catching up.
On rent, that is. Darling and I haven't paid the house on time since April. It got so bad that we didn't pay October rent at all until November, at which point I wrote a check covering both months and setting us straight with the house (it's amazing what people will put up with when you provide a steady flow of baked goods). Now, for the first time in at least a year, we're looking to have next month's rent saved before, you know, next month. That means that from November 3rd to December 3rd we'll have paid rent three times! Which explains my struggle to also make a student loan payment, get my violin out of hoc, cover next week's root canal, and pay Mom back.
So...welcome to Scrubland, Ms. Softly, where paying rent on time is an actual milestone. Yet somehow not enough of one that it doesn't register on your financial "to-do" list and shows up, instead, as a mysterious cash shortage!
The good news is that I've been tracking my spending, and monitoring my bank account, avoiding more devastating mistakes. Some of the money we frittered away was making a double payment on Darling's cell phone as well as my union dues. And there's no doubt that I'll be in that dentist chair nine days from now.
Sure, I've purchased the occasional breakfast taco. But so far this month I've only put gas in the truck twice and haven't socially boozed since Halloween. Then again, we did spend a LOT of money on tools. I went back and forth like this until I found the culprit lurking, not in my daily expense records, but my checkbook. What set us so far behind?
Catching up.
On rent, that is. Darling and I haven't paid the house on time since April. It got so bad that we didn't pay October rent at all until November, at which point I wrote a check covering both months and setting us straight with the house (it's amazing what people will put up with when you provide a steady flow of baked goods). Now, for the first time in at least a year, we're looking to have next month's rent saved before, you know, next month. That means that from November 3rd to December 3rd we'll have paid rent three times! Which explains my struggle to also make a student loan payment, get my violin out of hoc, cover next week's root canal, and pay Mom back.
So...welcome to Scrubland, Ms. Softly, where paying rent on time is an actual milestone. Yet somehow not enough of one that it doesn't register on your financial "to-do" list and shows up, instead, as a mysterious cash shortage!
The good news is that I've been tracking my spending, and monitoring my bank account, avoiding more devastating mistakes. Some of the money we frittered away was making a double payment on Darling's cell phone as well as my union dues. And there's no doubt that I'll be in that dentist chair nine days from now.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Back on The Ball
I got called back in to work for the rest of the week starting this afternoon!
It's almost a pain to be called back in for just three and a half days, especially considering how much I've been getting done around the house. Yesterday I washed and folded the laundry, planted leeks and beans in the (light) rain, filed for unemployment, made a student loan payment that knocked the total down to less than $9K, worked on a quilt, and made cream of tomato soup and fresh baked focaccia for dinner. I've been kicking my to-do list's butt, but I still have lots of co-op admin to finish up, some shopping to pick up, and credit union account to open.
At one point yesterday, BS walked into the kitchen to see me poring over two cookbooks at once, knees still dirty from the garden, and said, "you seem to like not working." True, in its way. Really, I like working quite a bit. It's a big relief to earn a little extra this month - the loan payment was made on a whim, and I still have that root canal on the thirtieth.
Of course come Sunday I'll be back to my own devices, which means I can lay claim to the best of both worlds: earning a living wage, overtime, and double-time some weeks, then back to the kitchen to bake casseroles and coddle a sourdough starter other weeks.
It's almost a pain to be called back in for just three and a half days, especially considering how much I've been getting done around the house. Yesterday I washed and folded the laundry, planted leeks and beans in the (light) rain, filed for unemployment, made a student loan payment that knocked the total down to less than $9K, worked on a quilt, and made cream of tomato soup and fresh baked focaccia for dinner. I've been kicking my to-do list's butt, but I still have lots of co-op admin to finish up, some shopping to pick up, and credit union account to open.
At one point yesterday, BS walked into the kitchen to see me poring over two cookbooks at once, knees still dirty from the garden, and said, "you seem to like not working." True, in its way. Really, I like working quite a bit. It's a big relief to earn a little extra this month - the loan payment was made on a whim, and I still have that root canal on the thirtieth.
Of course come Sunday I'll be back to my own devices, which means I can lay claim to the best of both worlds: earning a living wage, overtime, and double-time some weeks, then back to the kitchen to bake casseroles and coddle a sourdough starter other weeks.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
When It Rains, It Storms
I was woken up by a massive thunderclap this morning, the first I've heard in at least six months! Good thing I got most of my running-around chores taken care of yesterday. I had to deposit some checks and buy a couple of money orders, take them to the post office and mail off Darling's passport renewal application, and get to the library to pay a fine from months ago and get a shiny new book :) My evening was spent making a veggie soup and baking a pumpkin pie to be obliterated by the house during our meeting...but that's not got much to do with the weather.
Yesterday, it might be noted, the beautiful weather affected me quite a bit more than in recent weeks because my transport was the city bus. And don't you know that I missed it like crazy?! I'm not even joking. It's so fantastic to sit down, open a book, chill for fifteen minutes, and hop off at the doorstop of my downtown location. The metro is by and far the most ingenious application of petroleum products, excepting perhaps those used in hospital settings to save especially sweet babies. I can't believe how many folks complain about the crazies on the bus, which do exist but have only ever made me fear for my safety once or twice in roughly five years of constant use. The crazies on the highway make me fear for my life once or twice every five minutes.
Today I have indoor chores to attack:
* Laundry
* File for unemployment
* Hunt down and organize paperwork necessary to file unemployment
* Confirm my out-of-work status with union
* Co-op Administrative Tasks; reporting on minutes of last board meetings and such
* Contact plumber re. leaky bathtub
* Make sure Darling has hot dinner waiting for him when he gets home from work.
*** And, if there is time, start that quilt with the fabric I've been collecting, re-start the sock I've been working on for years now, finish the scarf from two Christmases ago, mend Darling's quilt, work on Dad's project, or clean the closet.
Yesterday, it might be noted, the beautiful weather affected me quite a bit more than in recent weeks because my transport was the city bus. And don't you know that I missed it like crazy?! I'm not even joking. It's so fantastic to sit down, open a book, chill for fifteen minutes, and hop off at the doorstop of my downtown location. The metro is by and far the most ingenious application of petroleum products, excepting perhaps those used in hospital settings to save especially sweet babies. I can't believe how many folks complain about the crazies on the bus, which do exist but have only ever made me fear for my safety once or twice in roughly five years of constant use. The crazies on the highway make me fear for my life once or twice every five minutes.
Today I have indoor chores to attack:
* Laundry
* File for unemployment
* Hunt down and organize paperwork necessary to file unemployment
* Confirm my out-of-work status with union
* Co-op Administrative Tasks; reporting on minutes of last board meetings and such
* Contact plumber re. leaky bathtub
* Make sure Darling has hot dinner waiting for him when he gets home from work.
*** And, if there is time, start that quilt with the fabric I've been collecting, re-start the sock I've been working on for years now, finish the scarf from two Christmases ago, mend Darling's quilt, work on Dad's project, or clean the closet.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Car-Free Commuting
Mom decided not to come into town yesterday, so the car matter has been left to rest for another day. It's a complicated an emotional issue, so I need as much time to contemplate as possible. Tomorrow I'm heading to her house to help clean out behind her fireplace, take her trash to the dump, and so on, and that might give us both fresh perspective.
In the meantime, Darling is the conquering hero regarding car-free construction work. He has been taking to bus to his job on the UT campus. Students, of course, take this for granted. Ambi, who lives in Leander and takes the train to her job and graduate classes, couldn't believe Darling's coworkers face that parking fiasco every morning.
One of our big concerns has been a six-month job up in Temple Darling has been vying for. We had a difficult enough time getting him as far as Georgetown last week. The work pays well, 50% more than the West Texas gig, but no per diem and no arranged housing leaves us looking at a daily hour-and-a-half commute one-way.
After substantial debate we agreed that it might be worth our while to rent Darling a small apartment in the neighborhood, per diem or no, if we could find something affordable and within a mile of the downtown work-site. Rent, utilities, and groceries would have to be less expensive than the cost of putting gas in the truck to get there and back. Fortunately, our house gives us a discount on our own rent when we are out of town, so that adds another hundred bucks to the out-of-town budget.
We assumed that motels and extended-stay hotels would be the way to go, but $500-$700 monthly prices in seedy-looking buildings (thank you google maps!) put an end to that line of thought. Apartments weren't looking much more promising: most were across the highway, a feature I didn't want Darling coping with every morning by bike. Even a mile-and-a-half commute is too far, in my opinion, if a road looks too sketchy. One or two promising looking places were disqualified by angry sounding headers on websites warning of $30 non-refundable application fees and demanding proof of employment and income. Three or four places were disqualified by really negative reviews via yahoo and yelp - I've had enough horrible landlord experiences not to flirt with the devil this time around. No one who wanted to advertise prices online was renting for less than $450 a month.
I was just about to give up when I actually stumbled upon an apartment complex roughly half a mile from the job renting studio apartments for for $375 a month including utilities! We checked the place out on google maps and a few other sites and it seems to be in a clean, safe area featuring quiet roads and sidewalks. He could be at work in five minutes, stock the fridge and pantries with his beloved pasta, oatmeal, rice, and beans, and still bring home more money than he could earn in town with a more stable job than we could expect to find elsewhere.
I'm hugely relieved. Darling hasn't been offered the job yet, but at least I can stop obsessing about the ifs ands and buts until we find out. If we don't have access to the truck weeks from now I can get a zip car membership to drive him up there and visit every weekend. If I do have a truck, there's no doubt that I'll be working myself while he's out of town...though I should follow my husband's lead, man up, and figure out the car-free solution to my own commuting challenges.
In the meantime, Darling is the conquering hero regarding car-free construction work. He has been taking to bus to his job on the UT campus. Students, of course, take this for granted. Ambi, who lives in Leander and takes the train to her job and graduate classes, couldn't believe Darling's coworkers face that parking fiasco every morning.
One of our big concerns has been a six-month job up in Temple Darling has been vying for. We had a difficult enough time getting him as far as Georgetown last week. The work pays well, 50% more than the West Texas gig, but no per diem and no arranged housing leaves us looking at a daily hour-and-a-half commute one-way.
After substantial debate we agreed that it might be worth our while to rent Darling a small apartment in the neighborhood, per diem or no, if we could find something affordable and within a mile of the downtown work-site. Rent, utilities, and groceries would have to be less expensive than the cost of putting gas in the truck to get there and back. Fortunately, our house gives us a discount on our own rent when we are out of town, so that adds another hundred bucks to the out-of-town budget.
We assumed that motels and extended-stay hotels would be the way to go, but $500-$700 monthly prices in seedy-looking buildings (thank you google maps!) put an end to that line of thought. Apartments weren't looking much more promising: most were across the highway, a feature I didn't want Darling coping with every morning by bike. Even a mile-and-a-half commute is too far, in my opinion, if a road looks too sketchy. One or two promising looking places were disqualified by angry sounding headers on websites warning of $30 non-refundable application fees and demanding proof of employment and income. Three or four places were disqualified by really negative reviews via yahoo and yelp - I've had enough horrible landlord experiences not to flirt with the devil this time around. No one who wanted to advertise prices online was renting for less than $450 a month.
I was just about to give up when I actually stumbled upon an apartment complex roughly half a mile from the job renting studio apartments for for $375 a month including utilities! We checked the place out on google maps and a few other sites and it seems to be in a clean, safe area featuring quiet roads and sidewalks. He could be at work in five minutes, stock the fridge and pantries with his beloved pasta, oatmeal, rice, and beans, and still bring home more money than he could earn in town with a more stable job than we could expect to find elsewhere.
I'm hugely relieved. Darling hasn't been offered the job yet, but at least I can stop obsessing about the ifs ands and buts until we find out. If we don't have access to the truck weeks from now I can get a zip car membership to drive him up there and visit every weekend. If I do have a truck, there's no doubt that I'll be working myself while he's out of town...though I should follow my husband's lead, man up, and figure out the car-free solution to my own commuting challenges.
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| Sorry I've been too lazy to really post relevant pictures this week - enjoy one of me and BabyO from early last year! |
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Car Oblivian
Much of my lifestyle is the result of not owning a car. When Darling and I first moved back to Austin, we enlisted the help of an apartment hunter who urged us towards the affordable houses far north. Explaining our need to get downtown easily in order to work, she argued, "you don't even know where you'll be working yet!"
Maybe so, but we could guess that it wouldn't be in the suburban wasteland. Sure enough, we found a lovely urban apartment with countless employment opportunities within easy walking distance. What we lost to slightly higher rent we more than saved by avoiding the expensive nuisances of car-ownership. We saved even more money by moving into a community-minded apartment a year later, and did even better by moving into our co-op in 2009. For a few years every move and job change closed the the gap between where I lived and worked, up to the point that I could roll out of bed, brush my hair, and leisurely walk to my job down the street in about fifteen minutes.
Pair that with not needing to own a personal phone, a thrift store wardrobe, and sharing the cost of groceries with a house full of bean and rice enthusiasts, and I had this frugality thing down. All because Darling and I didn't want to own a car.
This morning I'm with Oblio, and for three glorious hours he has napped while I stared at the screen, written, deleted, written and deleted still more. I've juggled my emotions and rationalizations, rocking his portable seat all the while with my big toe to encourage his oblivion. This can't possibly last much longer. It seems we all have to wake up eventually. At least, that was meant to be the topic of this post.
I want to be a carpenter. I want to travel the United States and help others redefine home and community, sustainability and sufficiency. I want to arm myself with a hammer and wisdom, optimism and idealism. The first step was to go to the union, meet my new brothers (and many whom I can't help but think of as uncles), and master a trade in the most noble way possible. But the second step...the second step was to work out the transportation issue. I borrowed Mom's truck. I dinged Mom's truck. I filled Mom's truck with gas. And finally, Mom is saying that she wants her truck back, but more importantly, she wants to help me buy a car. Buy me a car. Whatever. So I can work, accomplish my goals. Maybe grow up. Wake up.
But I don't want to.
The only thing that hasn't been absolutely phenomenal about the past month was my dependence on the truck, the constant bondage, the weakening of spirit and flesh associated with the big toy-turned-tool. I sat down this morning with the intention of explaining myself, justify myself, but there's nothing to rationalize. I detest automobiles. I think the world would be better off without them and it's hard to envision my ongoing happiness tied to a death-trap on wheels.
...Which leaves me with choices to make, conversations to have, and maybe some disappointment. I don't know. Mom's coming to town on Sunday. Something will have to be decided.
Maybe so, but we could guess that it wouldn't be in the suburban wasteland. Sure enough, we found a lovely urban apartment with countless employment opportunities within easy walking distance. What we lost to slightly higher rent we more than saved by avoiding the expensive nuisances of car-ownership. We saved even more money by moving into a community-minded apartment a year later, and did even better by moving into our co-op in 2009. For a few years every move and job change closed the the gap between where I lived and worked, up to the point that I could roll out of bed, brush my hair, and leisurely walk to my job down the street in about fifteen minutes.
Pair that with not needing to own a personal phone, a thrift store wardrobe, and sharing the cost of groceries with a house full of bean and rice enthusiasts, and I had this frugality thing down. All because Darling and I didn't want to own a car.
This morning I'm with Oblio, and for three glorious hours he has napped while I stared at the screen, written, deleted, written and deleted still more. I've juggled my emotions and rationalizations, rocking his portable seat all the while with my big toe to encourage his oblivion. This can't possibly last much longer. It seems we all have to wake up eventually. At least, that was meant to be the topic of this post.
I want to be a carpenter. I want to travel the United States and help others redefine home and community, sustainability and sufficiency. I want to arm myself with a hammer and wisdom, optimism and idealism. The first step was to go to the union, meet my new brothers (and many whom I can't help but think of as uncles), and master a trade in the most noble way possible. But the second step...the second step was to work out the transportation issue. I borrowed Mom's truck. I dinged Mom's truck. I filled Mom's truck with gas. And finally, Mom is saying that she wants her truck back, but more importantly, she wants to help me buy a car. Buy me a car. Whatever. So I can work, accomplish my goals. Maybe grow up. Wake up.
But I don't want to.
The only thing that hasn't been absolutely phenomenal about the past month was my dependence on the truck, the constant bondage, the weakening of spirit and flesh associated with the big toy-turned-tool. I sat down this morning with the intention of explaining myself, justify myself, but there's nothing to rationalize. I detest automobiles. I think the world would be better off without them and it's hard to envision my ongoing happiness tied to a death-trap on wheels.
...Which leaves me with choices to make, conversations to have, and maybe some disappointment. I don't know. Mom's coming to town on Sunday. Something will have to be decided.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Apprenticeship
"It's fatal to forget the minority element - fatal to treat brawn as if there were no brains, and perhaps more fatal to treat brains as if there were no brawn."- B.F. Skinner, Walden Two
A few years ago, my brother-in-law's young nephew saw road construction in progress. Fascinated by the heavy machinery, he announced his intention to "dig holes" when he grew up. His father, apparently unimpressed by youthful innocence, argued, "No, when you grow up you want to tell those men to dig holes.""In 1965, there were a lot more jobs that involved real physical effort, whereas these days, a lot of people turning 65, the physical effort is getting out of their desk chair at 5 o'clock."-Dr. Joe Antos, Interview with Morning Edition
When that little bit of family mythology transitioned from his family to mine, it took on a completely different meaning. For the Ho's, a collection of lawyers, doctors, and engineers, it illustrates their devotion to bigger and greater aspirations. For the Softly clan of dreamers and slackers, however, it represents an arrogance bordering on criminality. How dare anyone disdain the hard work that has built our country?
Here's the thing: we need roads. Both the Hos and the Softlys and everyone in between. Here in Texas we got some foreign folks to finance some toll roads, and that worked well enough, but sending them our money to let us drive 80 mph isn't a long-term solution to Austin's traffic problems. Even then, those roads were built in the United States by citizens. We also need buildings that aren't incredibly convenient to have built overseas for pennies on the dollar. And our mining? So much as we dig in Africa, it's not getting coal out of Appalachia. Whatever your feelings on immigration, unions, or the WTO, the fact remains that there is still back-breaking labor to be done in America if we still wish to maintain our way of life.
Someone has to do that work. And the majority of them are Americans. The majority of us understand that, in theory, but can't quite appreciate the matter for what it is. We both distrust and romanticize the workers: they are undereducated and poor, noble and likely felons, the foundation of our economy and probably illegal immigrants.
Deciding to be a carpenter drew a varied response from friends and family. I now understand that I might as well have announced myself a cobbler. We know that someone, somewhere makes shoes, but not in our neighborhood. White educated folks just don't do that sort of thing anymore. Better to be a writer, administrator, or counselor, to work with information rather than material. The reality of modern carpentry drew even more concern: clean rooms? Whatever happened, to, like, straw bale construction? Friends who would go mental without products produced by my plant seemed slightly appalled, "that's not good for the environment!" As though owning the product was the result of strange luck and happenstance, totally forgivable, but not building the space where the production (and resulting pollution) occurs. It's strangely similar to hearing carnivores explain why they eat meat (and so should I), although they have never participated in taking the life of an animal for food (as I have.)
Some of my supporters could care less about the big picture and social intricacies. They simply seem disappointed that I have not transitioned over-night to an independent contractor, pickup truck heavy with tools as I cross America constructing sustainable homes and repairing mid-century villas. Believe it or not, I'm right there with you. But there's more to apprenticeship than strapping on a tool-belt.
This is a four year program that the trade takes as seriously as college. Unlike most institutions of higher learning, however, this pragmatic bunch believes in making workers rather than paupers out of its students. We learn and earn. My classroom is at the union hall, where I am lectured and inspired by dozens of men on the mechanics of power tools and the ten-million proper ways of handling metal snips. My tuition, however, is committing myself to the employers who support the union. Not an unpaid internship, which is the best and most ridiculous experience most college students can hope for, but any living-wage full-time job the hall does its damnedest to wrangle us. Such as clean room construction.
The classrooms are small and students are limited by the number of jobs available. The staff is small and highly experienced. The material is based on skills we need for upcoming jobs. The community is ultimately devoted to the apprentices, to their next generation, and the environment is nurturing and no-nonsense. There are no rose-tinted safety glasses. It is the most sensible educational experience I have ever dreamed of.
Someday soon I will drive that dusty (bio-fuel) pickup down the road of tomorrow, retro-fitting America for it's sustainable future. In the meantime, I will always be a writer, always an organizer of thoughts and seeker of knowledge. Feel free to tell me one is more worthwhile than the other, but learning one is not to the detriment of the other.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
L-A-I-D-O-F-T
Project wrapped up early enough today for me to miss traffic altogether. Stopped by Walgreens to buy Darling a six pack of Snicker bars for his lunch and ended up snarfing a package of chocolate-covered cherries, bag of chips, and can of Arizona tea. So you can imagine how I feel now.
Took a long bath, poured myself a cup of coffee, and recorded my pay stubs (and junk food binge) in my planner. Wish I could just crash out, but class is tonight. Tomorrow I will apply for unemployment, do laundry, make Darling's breakfast and dinner, and pick up around the bedroom. Heck, I might even sleep in until five in the morning :)
Took a long bath, poured myself a cup of coffee, and recorded my pay stubs (and junk food binge) in my planner. Wish I could just crash out, but class is tonight. Tomorrow I will apply for unemployment, do laundry, make Darling's breakfast and dinner, and pick up around the bedroom. Heck, I might even sleep in until five in the morning :)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Holistic Satisfaction
Comments on my last post have inspired me to write about crafts, trades, unions, and careers. But I'm not gonna. At least, not today.
Why? Well, I didn't publish the post Monday because I visited my brother's house on my way home from work, where my baby niece called me "Aunt Maya" for the first time and caused me to almost be late for the house meeting at which we voted in our newest resident. I would have written the post yesterday after work, but Darling and I had a quiet evening together instead - no computers :) Today I obviously have some Internet time, but it is limited. Immediately after getting home from work today I tried out a recipe for almond soup, chatted with housemates over coffee, and spoke on the phone with my mom until Darling came home from his own busy day.
This isn't a "why I'm not posting" post, though. I tell you all this to make the point that very, very little of my self-worth, identity, or even energy is devoted to my current paid employment. My life is filled not only by 40+ hours of manual labor, traffic, and union meetings, but with board games and baking, babies and best friends. My life is richer than ever, regardless of my career. Which in itself makes my career even more satisfying!
Not to say that the post on trades, what's "cool" in American employment, blue collar vs. customer service, etc. isn't coming...Just not today <3
Why? Well, I didn't publish the post Monday because I visited my brother's house on my way home from work, where my baby niece called me "Aunt Maya" for the first time and caused me to almost be late for the house meeting at which we voted in our newest resident. I would have written the post yesterday after work, but Darling and I had a quiet evening together instead - no computers :) Today I obviously have some Internet time, but it is limited. Immediately after getting home from work today I tried out a recipe for almond soup, chatted with housemates over coffee, and spoke on the phone with my mom until Darling came home from his own busy day.
This isn't a "why I'm not posting" post, though. I tell you all this to make the point that very, very little of my self-worth, identity, or even energy is devoted to my current paid employment. My life is filled not only by 40+ hours of manual labor, traffic, and union meetings, but with board games and baking, babies and best friends. My life is richer than ever, regardless of my career. Which in itself makes my career even more satisfying!
Not to say that the post on trades, what's "cool" in American employment, blue collar vs. customer service, etc. isn't coming...Just not today <3
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Satisfaction
It doesn't seem that many of us take enough time to be satisfied.
We are constantly hurrying from one task, chore, or errand to the next. Another goal is constantly looming on the horizon, the rungs on the ladder of life seem never ending. The corporate world is especially guilty of this particular crime against humanity: promotions are endless, lay-offs are constant, all ceilings are glass, and even CEO's are rushed to "improve" year after year, corruption after corruption.
Planned obsolescence brings the rat race into our homes, tucked into our pockets. Cell phones, computers, entertainment centers and the like degrade faster than their immortal plastic casings ought to allow, pushing us to spend more and more on the gadgets we "need." Cars and trucks, diets, language, and career opportunities seem to evolve at an ever-accelerating pace, there is no such thing as keeping up.
Tabulating my earning, spending, and real hourly wage for October invoked an unexpected reaction.I flipped through my planner back to June, when I was working 35-40 hours a week and commuting another ten, spending at least $45 a month on transportation. Back then, I was miserable with that level of dedication to my job, to the stress of constant meetings and struggle and conflict and exhaustion. I was frustrated to watch my real hourly wage decrease along with my time and energy. Ultimately, I quit working cold turkey, too overwhelmed to even job hunt for weeks afterwards.
The last week of last month, however, I worked sixty hours. Add my commute, at least four hours at class a week, and a couple of hours wind-down time to cope with the physical exhaustion after work, and I spend between 70 and 80 hours a week on my new trade. Take into account putting gas in the truck, buying new tools, and shredding my second-hand jeans, and my real hourly wage doesn't look stellar. Technically, it looks like I still earn less per hour than when I was waiting tables.
Yet I feel absolutely great. Not because the principles or ethos of my job are buoying my flagging spirit, but because I actually come home from work feeling basically satisfied. I'm tired, often very tired, but not emotionally or intellectually. I can take a shower, grab a book, eat dinner, and fall asleep in the early evening feeling good about my day.
The money helps. Thanks to the union, my daily ninth hour of work is paid at time-and-a-half overtime rate. On Saturday - and I've only worked one out of three - I earned overtime all day. And that Sunday spent at work was double-time. My paycheck trumps any I've ever received, and I can expect a raise every six months until I earn 90% more in four year's time. Yet I honestly don't think that my happy mood is simply a payday high.
I'm satisfied. Satisfied building my knowledge base, adding a collection of certifications to my resume every month, making friends, working with my hands, observing a room that was nothing but exposed pipes and wires become something complete and perfect. I like listening to political radio in the morning, being hungry by lunchtime, and sleeping deeply at night. I'll admit that building clean rooms is not my ideal, and my social circle was much more supportive of my pouring drafts at a cooperatively-owned, socially-conscious company of hipsters. But there is something even more deeply satisfying about that, having stumbled into a culture and lifestyle as alien to me as that of another country.
We are constantly hurrying from one task, chore, or errand to the next. Another goal is constantly looming on the horizon, the rungs on the ladder of life seem never ending. The corporate world is especially guilty of this particular crime against humanity: promotions are endless, lay-offs are constant, all ceilings are glass, and even CEO's are rushed to "improve" year after year, corruption after corruption.
Planned obsolescence brings the rat race into our homes, tucked into our pockets. Cell phones, computers, entertainment centers and the like degrade faster than their immortal plastic casings ought to allow, pushing us to spend more and more on the gadgets we "need." Cars and trucks, diets, language, and career opportunities seem to evolve at an ever-accelerating pace, there is no such thing as keeping up.
Tabulating my earning, spending, and real hourly wage for October invoked an unexpected reaction.I flipped through my planner back to June, when I was working 35-40 hours a week and commuting another ten, spending at least $45 a month on transportation. Back then, I was miserable with that level of dedication to my job, to the stress of constant meetings and struggle and conflict and exhaustion. I was frustrated to watch my real hourly wage decrease along with my time and energy. Ultimately, I quit working cold turkey, too overwhelmed to even job hunt for weeks afterwards.
The last week of last month, however, I worked sixty hours. Add my commute, at least four hours at class a week, and a couple of hours wind-down time to cope with the physical exhaustion after work, and I spend between 70 and 80 hours a week on my new trade. Take into account putting gas in the truck, buying new tools, and shredding my second-hand jeans, and my real hourly wage doesn't look stellar. Technically, it looks like I still earn less per hour than when I was waiting tables.
Yet I feel absolutely great. Not because the principles or ethos of my job are buoying my flagging spirit, but because I actually come home from work feeling basically satisfied. I'm tired, often very tired, but not emotionally or intellectually. I can take a shower, grab a book, eat dinner, and fall asleep in the early evening feeling good about my day.
The money helps. Thanks to the union, my daily ninth hour of work is paid at time-and-a-half overtime rate. On Saturday - and I've only worked one out of three - I earned overtime all day. And that Sunday spent at work was double-time. My paycheck trumps any I've ever received, and I can expect a raise every six months until I earn 90% more in four year's time. Yet I honestly don't think that my happy mood is simply a payday high.
I'm satisfied. Satisfied building my knowledge base, adding a collection of certifications to my resume every month, making friends, working with my hands, observing a room that was nothing but exposed pipes and wires become something complete and perfect. I like listening to political radio in the morning, being hungry by lunchtime, and sleeping deeply at night. I'll admit that building clean rooms is not my ideal, and my social circle was much more supportive of my pouring drafts at a cooperatively-owned, socially-conscious company of hipsters. But there is something even more deeply satisfying about that, having stumbled into a culture and lifestyle as alien to me as that of another country.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
A Day In The Life
I wake up at 4:30 in the morning. Accomplishing this involves a series of mind games: I set the alarm for 4:30, but it's a good fifteen minutes fast. I hit snooze twice, but snooze on my alarm does not seem to be consistent. Every once in a while I hit snooze only once, other mornings a third time. By the time the clock says 4:45, however, I am dressing.
My personal dress-code at work is more complicated than that of the menfolk. The guys can role out of bed and pull on whatever rags they've been wearing for the past week, but I prepare myself for scrutiny.I pull on jeans, none of which fit anymore since I bought them all just after last Christmas and have since dropped two sizes. I tuck in a shirt, carefully seeking one that is not too revealing, featuring any words or images that might be misconstrued or need explaining, or have holes. Of course I wear steel-toed boots and proper PPE, and my hair requires extra attention to cope with the hard hat all day.
Downstairs I start coffee first, heating the cast iron skillet as it brews. When the skillet is hot and the butter begins to brown, I crack in an egg, rush to put on my toast, and let both cook as I add too much sugar and cream to my morning beverage. I eat standing up and preparing lunch. The first week I made sandwich wraps with whole wheat tortillas, grated beets, peeled carrots, spinach, and dressing. The second week I steamed veggies and brought a side of nuts and dried cranberries. About once a week I flake and take three dollars to purchase breakfast tacos on site, and as often I take leftovers from the night before. My favorite part of the morning is washing the dishes; the hot water seems to take the edge off the cold and stiff mornings.
I'm anxious about the truck every single morning. I come to terms with the difficulties it presents and might soon present every morning while it warms up. Someday the oil will need changing, soon it will need another $60 worth of gas, and sooner the tires need air. I turn on the heat and turn the radio to NPR as the engine warms, excited to hear the stories about the Wall Street Occupation.
I listen to the unemployment numbers and the political nonsense and try and relate that information to my own life. The news has grown strangely intimate in the past few weeks. Talk of taxes, gas prices, holiday sales and jobs packages are so much more significant than they have been before. This is as unsettling in the same way that driving the truck is.
The drive to work is easy enough most mornings, roughly a half hour in mild traffic. At work I pass through a metal detector and greet sleepy security guards, then sit with my coworkers until it is time to head into the plant.The first two hours of the day before break always seem more stressful, fast-paced, and prone to mistake. After the fifteen minute break, the three hour break before lunch sets the tone for the rest of the day. On the rare occasion I am already exhausted and impatient with the task at hand, and these days last for an eternity. Most workdays pass rapidly enough. By lunch time I just want to nap in the afternoon sun, but the final three hours of the day tend to be the most pleasant.
Yesterday and the day before were slight exceptions. As the project neared completion, the lay-offs began. After lunch on the first day the foreman started tapping people on the shoulder to tell them to pick up their checks, complete some lay-off paperwork, and go home. A few people said goodbye, most just picked up their tools and left. By yesterday, I was the only employee outside the "core" group who hadn't been sent home. Two others were there by mistake, having missed the day before for whatever reason, and we were all allowed to work until the afternoon.
Having worked fourteen days in a row, I'd been kind of looking forward to going home and to bed. But as my fellow apprentices and even some journeymen disappeared one by one, I felt increasingly exposed and vulnerable. The journeyman who had taken me under her wing was put on another task, and I busied myself with the task of appearing busy. Having already survived two stages of lay-offs, I'd been assured of my worth, but it was hard not to dread the inevitable rejection.
Finally, the foreman approached me, handed me a check, and started to walk away. "Hey," I called him back, craving the finality of at least a word of goodbye, "Does this mean you want me gone?"
He turned, looked at me like I was stupid, and said, "no, you're back Monday."
I was on cloud nine. I drove home, as I do most days, listening to punk rock. I take a back way that features about two dozen school zones but is still faster than the congested afternoon highway. Forty-five minutes later I am home. Often someone is working on dinner, or at least baking cookies, and usually coffee has been recently brewed. Until yesterday, Darling was always waiting for me. Either he would have just finished cooking my dinner, had been too busy on some task to eat all day and now desperately needs tacos from a nearby stand, or had a list of errands we must run.
Yesterday, however, he wasn't home because the job that was postponed for three weeks and then cancelled was suddenly resurrected. So Darling spent his day at his own job!
The evening was boring enough, especially as we were in bed by eight in the evening. We have yet to discuss our feelings about this new lifestyle in full. The fact that we're both working, full-time, feels perfectly absurd after so many years of part-time work. It's so great to have everything come together like this, so I guess right now we're just enjoying the day-to-day. Soon, we will look at frugality again, figure out the transportation issue, manage the tool situation, and pay off our debt in full. For now we're enjoying a weekend off.
My personal dress-code at work is more complicated than that of the menfolk. The guys can role out of bed and pull on whatever rags they've been wearing for the past week, but I prepare myself for scrutiny.I pull on jeans, none of which fit anymore since I bought them all just after last Christmas and have since dropped two sizes. I tuck in a shirt, carefully seeking one that is not too revealing, featuring any words or images that might be misconstrued or need explaining, or have holes. Of course I wear steel-toed boots and proper PPE, and my hair requires extra attention to cope with the hard hat all day.
Downstairs I start coffee first, heating the cast iron skillet as it brews. When the skillet is hot and the butter begins to brown, I crack in an egg, rush to put on my toast, and let both cook as I add too much sugar and cream to my morning beverage. I eat standing up and preparing lunch. The first week I made sandwich wraps with whole wheat tortillas, grated beets, peeled carrots, spinach, and dressing. The second week I steamed veggies and brought a side of nuts and dried cranberries. About once a week I flake and take three dollars to purchase breakfast tacos on site, and as often I take leftovers from the night before. My favorite part of the morning is washing the dishes; the hot water seems to take the edge off the cold and stiff mornings.
I'm anxious about the truck every single morning. I come to terms with the difficulties it presents and might soon present every morning while it warms up. Someday the oil will need changing, soon it will need another $60 worth of gas, and sooner the tires need air. I turn on the heat and turn the radio to NPR as the engine warms, excited to hear the stories about the Wall Street Occupation.
I listen to the unemployment numbers and the political nonsense and try and relate that information to my own life. The news has grown strangely intimate in the past few weeks. Talk of taxes, gas prices, holiday sales and jobs packages are so much more significant than they have been before. This is as unsettling in the same way that driving the truck is.
The drive to work is easy enough most mornings, roughly a half hour in mild traffic. At work I pass through a metal detector and greet sleepy security guards, then sit with my coworkers until it is time to head into the plant.The first two hours of the day before break always seem more stressful, fast-paced, and prone to mistake. After the fifteen minute break, the three hour break before lunch sets the tone for the rest of the day. On the rare occasion I am already exhausted and impatient with the task at hand, and these days last for an eternity. Most workdays pass rapidly enough. By lunch time I just want to nap in the afternoon sun, but the final three hours of the day tend to be the most pleasant.
Yesterday and the day before were slight exceptions. As the project neared completion, the lay-offs began. After lunch on the first day the foreman started tapping people on the shoulder to tell them to pick up their checks, complete some lay-off paperwork, and go home. A few people said goodbye, most just picked up their tools and left. By yesterday, I was the only employee outside the "core" group who hadn't been sent home. Two others were there by mistake, having missed the day before for whatever reason, and we were all allowed to work until the afternoon.
Having worked fourteen days in a row, I'd been kind of looking forward to going home and to bed. But as my fellow apprentices and even some journeymen disappeared one by one, I felt increasingly exposed and vulnerable. The journeyman who had taken me under her wing was put on another task, and I busied myself with the task of appearing busy. Having already survived two stages of lay-offs, I'd been assured of my worth, but it was hard not to dread the inevitable rejection.
Finally, the foreman approached me, handed me a check, and started to walk away. "Hey," I called him back, craving the finality of at least a word of goodbye, "Does this mean you want me gone?"
He turned, looked at me like I was stupid, and said, "no, you're back Monday."
I was on cloud nine. I drove home, as I do most days, listening to punk rock. I take a back way that features about two dozen school zones but is still faster than the congested afternoon highway. Forty-five minutes later I am home. Often someone is working on dinner, or at least baking cookies, and usually coffee has been recently brewed. Until yesterday, Darling was always waiting for me. Either he would have just finished cooking my dinner, had been too busy on some task to eat all day and now desperately needs tacos from a nearby stand, or had a list of errands we must run.
Yesterday, however, he wasn't home because the job that was postponed for three weeks and then cancelled was suddenly resurrected. So Darling spent his day at his own job!
The evening was boring enough, especially as we were in bed by eight in the evening. We have yet to discuss our feelings about this new lifestyle in full. The fact that we're both working, full-time, feels perfectly absurd after so many years of part-time work. It's so great to have everything come together like this, so I guess right now we're just enjoying the day-to-day. Soon, we will look at frugality again, figure out the transportation issue, manage the tool situation, and pay off our debt in full. For now we're enjoying a weekend off.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Not Laid Off Yet
I avoided the first round of lay-offs at work! Considering about a quarter of us were bid farewell today, this is fairly notable :) I'll probably only be able to cling on for an extra few days, as the project really is about finished, but every day of pay counts...especially this month.
Darling and I are going to catch up on rent completely as of Friday, which is good but a little bit of a downer. We've been behind for months, so it's a relief to get that monkey off our backs, but at the same time I haven't made a student loan payment in quite a while and I now owe Mom a big chunk of change. It's a little frustrating to have worked so hard and earned decent money only to have found myself back at square one.
Not knowing when to expect my next paycheck fuels my concern. There's actually a fairly good chance that I will be called for a new job right away - but I can't be certain.
After stringing him along for three weeks, Darling was finally told one of his projects is indefinitely postponed. After two distance interviews and a drug test, he has a face-to-face interview this Monday for a job that starts in a couple of weeks. So that's where he stands.
Oh yes, my net worth...which I calculated and then deleted. Hm. I will look back at that tomorrow, methinks, as I do my monthly tabulations. Suffice to say it was less than last month.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween!
Darling and I are going to catch up on rent completely as of Friday, which is good but a little bit of a downer. We've been behind for months, so it's a relief to get that monkey off our backs, but at the same time I haven't made a student loan payment in quite a while and I now owe Mom a big chunk of change. It's a little frustrating to have worked so hard and earned decent money only to have found myself back at square one.
Not knowing when to expect my next paycheck fuels my concern. There's actually a fairly good chance that I will be called for a new job right away - but I can't be certain.
After stringing him along for three weeks, Darling was finally told one of his projects is indefinitely postponed. After two distance interviews and a drug test, he has a face-to-face interview this Monday for a job that starts in a couple of weeks. So that's where he stands.
Oh yes, my net worth...which I calculated and then deleted. Hm. I will look back at that tomorrow, methinks, as I do my monthly tabulations. Suffice to say it was less than last month.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Second Week
At some point on...I think it was the Friday before last...my laptop stopped working. Something about the fan, which I already "fixed" a few months ago.
Had I more than twenty minutes to myself since then, that might have been a problem. Instead my week has been absolutely mad:
Monday after work my house celebrated the success of the annual gathering by going to Egos after work. Darling and I only indulged in a couple of Lone Stars and games of pool, eager to be in bed by ten.
Tuesday I headed from work to my sister's house. I haven't seen Lenore since last Thanksgiving, just after the completion of her treatment regime, and she looks great. She showed me her beautiful garden, made me tea from home-grown peppermint, and served a dinner of baked veggies, kale salad, and white beans.
I can't remember Wednesday for the life of me. I'm fairly certain I went home and went to sleep.
By Thursday, work itself starting to get fairly interesting. My new favorite person, T, had gone from begrudgingly accepting me as her apprentice to singing my praises. Apparently she viewed me as "dainty" on my first day of work, despite being roughly six inches shorter than me and absurdly adorable. My enjoyment of working, and proficiency at lifting heavy things over and over again for hours, has won her appreciation and she wants everyone to know it. Which makes me feel very, very good.
After work on Friday Darling and I visited with Dad for a few hours. I've been dreading his response to my new career since walking out of that union hall in August. He's only just found out what I've been up to. And can you believe it's put him on cloud nine? He was introducing me to his neighbors as his daughter - the carpenter - as though he personally raised me in a little woodshed, constructing birdhouses and repairing tree houses. He hasn't been happier with me since he found out my husband was from Liverpool, "like the Beatles," as he reminds his friends. That made me feel even better.
What didn't make me feel great was the report that my crew would be needed over the weekend. Few of my coworkers were bothered by this because Saturday shifts pay time-and-a-half and Sunday is double-time. Add that to the fact that we already get five hours over-time every week due to our standard nine-hour day and the checks begin to look really good. But still, Halloween weekend?
Saturday was an easy enough shift but I made the mistake of fulfilling a promise to friends that we'd go out. A trip to Goodwill ($20 for a great long-sleeve shirt, comfortable leggings, and an unfortunate purchase of really awful gloves), and two trips for booze later (despite the fact that I had maybe two beers all night), five of us managed to have a fairly excellent evening.
I hated myself this morning, though. Late for work and feeling sore, I was infinitely grateful for what turned out to be an incredibly easy day.
I am feeling kind of like a deer-in-headlights on the financial front. The construction pay is very good, but we don't know how long it will last. Our project should wrap up in a couple of weeks and the lay-offs will likely begin in this week. I might be hired by the contractor performing the next operation phase, but I might not. And that contractor has a reputation for long days and working every weekend for months: a lot of apprentices quit last year rather than work Christmas day. Also, it's iffy whether or not that contractor will hire an apprentice that dented the superintendent's car. In other words: I may or may not be offered a job I may or may not want to accept.
Had I more than twenty minutes to myself since then, that might have been a problem. Instead my week has been absolutely mad:
Monday after work my house celebrated the success of the annual gathering by going to Egos after work. Darling and I only indulged in a couple of Lone Stars and games of pool, eager to be in bed by ten.
Tuesday I headed from work to my sister's house. I haven't seen Lenore since last Thanksgiving, just after the completion of her treatment regime, and she looks great. She showed me her beautiful garden, made me tea from home-grown peppermint, and served a dinner of baked veggies, kale salad, and white beans.
I can't remember Wednesday for the life of me. I'm fairly certain I went home and went to sleep.
By Thursday, work itself starting to get fairly interesting. My new favorite person, T, had gone from begrudgingly accepting me as her apprentice to singing my praises. Apparently she viewed me as "dainty" on my first day of work, despite being roughly six inches shorter than me and absurdly adorable. My enjoyment of working, and proficiency at lifting heavy things over and over again for hours, has won her appreciation and she wants everyone to know it. Which makes me feel very, very good.
After work on Friday Darling and I visited with Dad for a few hours. I've been dreading his response to my new career since walking out of that union hall in August. He's only just found out what I've been up to. And can you believe it's put him on cloud nine? He was introducing me to his neighbors as his daughter - the carpenter - as though he personally raised me in a little woodshed, constructing birdhouses and repairing tree houses. He hasn't been happier with me since he found out my husband was from Liverpool, "like the Beatles," as he reminds his friends. That made me feel even better.
What didn't make me feel great was the report that my crew would be needed over the weekend. Few of my coworkers were bothered by this because Saturday shifts pay time-and-a-half and Sunday is double-time. Add that to the fact that we already get five hours over-time every week due to our standard nine-hour day and the checks begin to look really good. But still, Halloween weekend?
Saturday was an easy enough shift but I made the mistake of fulfilling a promise to friends that we'd go out. A trip to Goodwill ($20 for a great long-sleeve shirt, comfortable leggings, and an unfortunate purchase of really awful gloves), and two trips for booze later (despite the fact that I had maybe two beers all night), five of us managed to have a fairly excellent evening.
I hated myself this morning, though. Late for work and feeling sore, I was infinitely grateful for what turned out to be an incredibly easy day.
I am feeling kind of like a deer-in-headlights on the financial front. The construction pay is very good, but we don't know how long it will last. Our project should wrap up in a couple of weeks and the lay-offs will likely begin in this week. I might be hired by the contractor performing the next operation phase, but I might not. And that contractor has a reputation for long days and working every weekend for months: a lot of apprentices quit last year rather than work Christmas day. Also, it's iffy whether or not that contractor will hire an apprentice that dented the superintendent's car. In other words: I may or may not be offered a job I may or may not want to accept.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Traffic Win
Was in bed before nine, up with my alarm, got to work early, and, on the way home, worked out the shortcut I kept losing myself with. As of today I can get home without I-35 and its snail-like traffic jams!!! Good day overall.
Darling has a work meeting tomorrow with an employer who was supposed to start a project two weeks ago. Actually, he has been dealing endlessly with two employers who are two weeks behind schedule. Bleh. At least the union came through and I'm working this month. We might actually catch up on rent before long :)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
First Week
Sorry for the long post, but I've had a heck of a week.
Sunday was my last day off. I spent much of the day at Occupy Austin, to which I donated a couple of pans of brownies. My housemates and myself have been going out there separately since it started, but this was the first time we actually went and hung out together.
After OA, I drove down to the location of my new job, hereon refereed to as The Plant, to confirm the location and entryway. Sans traffic, the trip is just over half an hour. From there we drove south to hang out with friends, buying a six pack of cider and some ice cream on the way. We played a few games of Bang, one game of Settlers of Catan, had salad and baked tofu for dinner, and totally forgot about the ice cream before leaving at the relatively early hour of eleven p.m.
I woke up at five on Monday and drove down to The Plant, where I was turned away from the gate for not being on "the list." In a panic, I drove to the nearest gas station, convinced them to let me use their phone, and called my union rep, who called my new boss, who said he was on his way to let me in. I rushed back to The Plant, was waved in, and felt very proud of having arrived so early that I still had plenty of time to relax in the truck before orientation.
Twenty minutes later I found myself less proud. Although we'd been told to show up by 6:30 a.m. ("but show up much earlier," the union instructors emphasized), the orientation didn't start until 8:30.
The Plan is absolutely massive, has been massive for over a decade, and is still growing. The Plant employs dozens of contracting companies, who employ hundreds of their own employees, possibly thousands over the course of the year, simply to build and maintain the buildings. This Plant is one of at least half a dozen in and around Austin which produces products in clean room conditions. The contractor I work with specializes in clean room interiors.
I say all that because it never even began to occur to me how many workers a single company can employ simply by existing. Thousands. It kind of blows my mind.
Anyway, after four hours of staring at power points were we went to work. The rough thing about clean rooms is that even in construction there can be no dirt or even loose particles. Which means no cardboard, or even wood, or Styrofoam, or packaging materials, or many tools. Everything is packed in plastic, mostly pre-shaped, and snapped or glued or bolted together with little to no mess. In other words, it's about as far from everything I expect from carpentry as possible.
Not that I didn't enjoy myself. I am consistently and pleasantly surprised by my coworkers. I like the work, which is repetitive but not always tedious, physically challenging at times, and sometimes takes place outside. I love how much I'm learning.
After that first day I came home and fell into a deep sleep, barely waking up in time to sit groggily through the house meeting. Tuesday I woke up and headed off to work at five thirty with my packed lunch. First I got stuck in traffic, then lost, then lost within The Plant. I showed up twenty minutes late and horribly ashamed of myself. After work I gave a coworker a ride home, which made me feel less guilty about driving the truck, then skipped the union meeting to go out to dinner with my Mom.
Wednesday I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work on time, and packed myself a much larger lunch. I nearly left my safety goggles inside the building, but everything went much more smoothly until I gave the same coworker a ride home and got completely turned around trying to take a shortcut. I arrived at my first aid class nearly an hour late.
Thursday I barely managed to get to work, stopping to count out change for gas as the needle sat on empty. By now my coworker has grown to depend on me for the ride home, however, and put $25 in the tank on the way home to secure my loyalty. It's not something I'd ask him to do every week, but it sure was a relief. I got to class at the hall late again, though, and began to wonder if I'd ever be consistently on time again. That night my dreams took place in construction sites.
Then it was Friday. I awoke at 4:30 in the morning without a problem, pulled on my jeans and boots, packed my two-sandwich lunch, and headed out with nearly a half tank of gas. Life was good right up to the point that I turned down the road to the plant, right on red, and clunked right into a little black car speeding through a yellow light.
Got out, shook hands, pocketed my insurance card and license, and waited an hour for the cops to show. Having never had any event anything like this occur to me ever, I wasn't concerned about a ticket or, to be honest, anything else. Mostly I wanted "my side," of the story to be somehow vindicated, or at least recognized, by a cop, regardless of whether or not my choices were correct. On the surface of things, the other guy was the victim. He had the light - what was left of it, at least - and I did in fact hit him. On the other hand, I really wanted to know how fast he was going that I didn't see him as I started my turn, especially due to the curious nature of how our cars collided, and I'm also curious about the legality (and common sense) of turning into my lane if I did in fact, as he incorrectly insisted, "go through without even stopping." When I asked how fast he was going, he replied that he was "in a hurry to get to work." I'm not sure if the fact that he was speeding and making a wide turn would help my case at all, but it didn't make a difference because, after an hour, the cops never even arrived.
The best part? Before exchanging information and heading off to work learned that he was the head honcho of one of the biggest contractors at The Plant. Not my direct boss now, but pretty much one of the primary employers at the union. I ended up being ten minutes late and spent the rest of the day listening to journeymen tell me how I'd probably never work in The Plant again. After dropping off my carpool buddy, who agreed the dent in the truck is barely noticeable, I had to call my Mom, who made me feel much better about the situation.
Not only was my week very demanding on the union and employment side, but the house is gearing up for its big yearly meeting, where we invite anyone whose ever lived here for lunch and a planning meeting. We've been working on a very elaborate menu, painted the living room, and worked like crazy nailing out budgetary and legal matters. I've been on the menu side of things.
Earlier in the week I'd managed to bake a pumpkin, so last night I made a cheesecake with it. It was nearly eleven at night when I realized that the God baby would be with us in the morning. I took a bath and crashed into bed hard.
Woke up today at six a.m. to meet the baby. Thankfully, he agreed to a two hour nap before demanding breakfast and games. It was nice to actually wake up clearheaded for once, so I happily complied with peek-a-boo and noisy-time-in-the-kitchen while intermittently trying to help prepare for tomorrow's meeting. Now he's napping again, giving me desperately-missed time on the computer :)
Things I learned this week:
* Residential carpentry is a very small niche, at least so far as the union goes. Sooner or later, I might have to choose between clean room construction or unemployment.
* Although I don't exactly mind clean room construction, it's not what I'm looking for in a career. My current position is temporary, and there's a good chance that I'll be turning down similar jobs in the future. So, the aforementioned choice will probably be made sooner rather than later.
* I really enjoy physical work. It's been so nice to be actually hungry come lunch time.
* Blue collar workers deserve much more credit than I've previously given them.
* Unions and cooperatives both demand a lot of time an attention. So do family and friends. So does cooking, crafting, gardening, spiritual development, writing, community involvement, and frugality. Apparently, anything worth doing well must be done constantly.
* I really, really, really detest driving. I may or may not choose to go car free after this job, which might also mean going job-free.
* It sucks having employers hold that first paycheck.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Workin' Gal
Tuesday Darling was interviewed and hired for an upcoming installation gig starting "soon." Wednesday I had the first half of an OSHA 10 course. Thursday I had the second half of the class, ran to the store to buy some tools for work, and then had another four hours of class. Friday I woke up before six in the morning to care for baby Oblio, which involved baking pumpkin and cream cheese muffins and later taking a three hour nap together. Despite the nap, I was absolutely exhausted for the rest of the day and passed about before ten in the evening.
This morning I took a fall safety and protection class and that's pretty much that: any more training is just going to have to be on the job. Which I still can't quite believe I have.
Not only will I be earning decent (albeit apprentice) wages, but my health insurance will kick in after a few weeks. The job should last until December, and I'll qualify for unemployment benefits when it's finished. The money Darling earns installing solar panels will be icing on the cake!
I'm trying not to let my hopes get too high, but it's really, really exciting to imagine earning more than enough money to pay rent, fix my teeth, and knock out my student debt once and for all. Of course, I also need to arrange a trip to the optometrist, have seventy million cavities filled, buy some hardy work clothes, purchase more tools, look into buying a the most efficient vehicle available if we're going to keep depending on an automobile to get to and from jobs, buy Christmas presents or the supplies to make some, travel across the U.S. to see some family we dearly miss, shower nieces and nephews with gifts, buy all manner of safety gear for the bike, fund a savings account, purchase a digital camera...and figure out how, if ever, one can ever trully catch up financially.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Last Day Off
Darling and I were so busy today! We went down south to investigate a job lead - for which he has an interview in the morning - and then fill out some paperwork at the electrician's union. We were home less than an hour when I got a call telling me to get to north Austin ASAP for a mandatory drug test for the job I'm definitely starting on Monday. Dom and I dropped what we were doing (he was in the attic dealing with a wiring issue, I was chopping a pie pumpkin in half) and jumped in the truck. We barely arrived at the facility in time.
Since we were up north we took the opportunity to meet with Darling's previous employer to pick up a paycheck and talk about potential work in the next few weeks. Then we swung by a friends house to finish some passport related materials on the way home.
It was a heck of a way to spend my last "free day." Technically, I won't be officially employed until Monday morning, but I will be training five hours tomorrow, nine hours on Thursday, and nine more hours on Saturday. I'm so excited to be on the job again!
Since we were up north we took the opportunity to meet with Darling's previous employer to pick up a paycheck and talk about potential work in the next few weeks. Then we swung by a friends house to finish some passport related materials on the way home.
It was a heck of a way to spend my last "free day." Technically, I won't be officially employed until Monday morning, but I will be training five hours tomorrow, nine hours on Thursday, and nine more hours on Saturday. I'm so excited to be on the job again!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Horizon Brightening
The extraction was easy peasy. For whatever reason my gums never get totally numb - I discovered this when having all four wisdom teeth removed at once - but the pain was very minimal. For a charity dentist, he was incredibly gentle.
The receptionist swiped my card and the $80 payment went through. Which means the rent check will clear tomorrow, hopefully with just the one overdraft fee. I scheduled the root canal for November 30th to give me plenty of time to save up the cash.
I came home swollen and jumpy, wanting to run any number of errands before the numbness wore off or the pain killer kicked in. Three hours later and neither has occurred, so far as I can tell, but Darling put me in bed and insisted I stay here.
That was actually a better idea than either of us imagined, because I was home when the union called. A contractor needs apprentices for an upcoming job which requires OSHA 10 and Fall Safety. In response, the union scheduled certification courses for Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday of this week and wanted me to sign up. So by this time next week I will have received over $150 in complimentary training and will most likely be employed!
The receptionist swiped my card and the $80 payment went through. Which means the rent check will clear tomorrow, hopefully with just the one overdraft fee. I scheduled the root canal for November 30th to give me plenty of time to save up the cash.
I came home swollen and jumpy, wanting to run any number of errands before the numbness wore off or the pain killer kicked in. Three hours later and neither has occurred, so far as I can tell, but Darling put me in bed and insisted I stay here.
That was actually a better idea than either of us imagined, because I was home when the union called. A contractor needs apprentices for an upcoming job which requires OSHA 10 and Fall Safety. In response, the union scheduled certification courses for Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday of this week and wanted me to sign up. So by this time next week I will have received over $150 in complimentary training and will most likely be employed!
Impending Overdraft
I called my Mom about borrowing the thousand dollars for my teeth. This is obviously something I didn't take lightly for a number of reasons, especially since I'm already borrowing her massive truck. However, she has the money, and the dentist put in no uncertain terms the time frame I'm looking at for saving any of my molars.
When I told her how much I needed for an extraction, root canal, and cap, there was a catch in her breath but she sounded positive. She said yes and I was incredibly relieved. Then I called her back two days later and she was definitely not okay. I can't be totally sure if my asking her for so much money put her over the edge, or what, but it obviously didn't help. Kicking myself, I excused her from the favor and insisted I could handle my teeth just fine on my own.
In actuality, I won't need $1000 all at once. There will need to be at least a couple of days between the root canal and capping, and those are the two $400+ procedures. The first visit could really cost more than $500. My plan is actually to go in and ask for just the $80 extraction and schedule the next appointment in November.
What's worse is that I'm knowingly going to overdraw my account, because I don't even have $80. I will, but not for two or three days. Knowing that put me in such an weird emotional place that I sort of gave up. There was no possible way everything would come together, so I stopped thinking. Which wouldn't have mattered if it hadn't been Raja's birthday on Saturday.
To celebrate, about twenty of us went bowling and barhopping. Altogether Darling and I ended up buying snacks, two pitchers of beer (to share), and a six pack (which we ended up sharing at the game night on Sunday). Yesterday we figured we might as well go ahead and fill the truck with gas.
So today all I can hope is that my extraction is paid for before the rent check - which was deposited this morning - clears. If not, I have an emergency borrowed hundred dollars to pay for the procedure. No matter what, though, there's going to be an overdraft.
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