I think Darling might be the least understood aspect of my lifestyle, at least so far as the blogosphere goes. Our relationship is not traditional by any stretch of the imagination. I was nineteen when we married, a fact that now boggles even my own imagination, especially since he is that much older than myself.
Darling is extremely likable. Intelligent and well-read. He can quote entire episodes of Monty Python, discuss each American presidency in detail, recite most of The Hitchhikers Guide to The Universe, or discuss which leader of which third-world country has done what to affect the value of someone's currency. He knows the best times to call Saudi Arabia if you want to catch someone before they leave their office, which super heroes are Marvel and which are DC and the general histories and happenings of both universes, how to build a computer, and how to give one hell of a foot massage.
Those who know us personally consider us the model couple. We can barely go a month without a friend quietly confiding in us that they consider our relationship to be absolutely ideal. My married brothers and sister ask us what our secret is. My thrice-divorced parents congratulate me on finding the perfect mate.
People who don't know Darling, however, are confused by his employment and income history. While a number of the homesteading and sustainability blogs I read advocate the single income household, there seems to be the understanding that a husband should financially support his wife. Men, after all, can enter the lucrative and homestead-friendly careers of construction and carpentry, mechanics and the military, with far greater ease than most women. In the meantime, ladies can do the tough and very underpaid work of childbearing and housekeeping.
The fact that Darling and I don't have children and share the housekeeping duties with three men and four women only muddles the matter. The fact that I like to work a whole lot, and Darling has very strict preferences when it comes to earning money, gives a false impression of the support systems in this marriage. If Darling isn't out earning a living, or at least changing diapers, what the heck is he doing?
He's actually worked for the majority of our marriage, earning money building websites and doing tech support, landscaping, canvassing for environmental causes, and working kitchens. I'm definitely the breadwinner, however, and Darling becomes very dissatisfied very quickly with paid employment. Because I'm able to support us - and strongly believe in the merits of a single-income household - Darling spends most of his time pursuing unpaid endeavors.
He's an excellent house keeper, much better than myself at caring for and repairing clothing. He darns socks and mends sheets I'd just as soon toss in the trashcan. He's an excellent cook and does most of our personal housekeeping, such as cleaning our bathroom and making the bed.
He takes a great deal of responsibility within our housing cooperative. His current favorite project is re-wiring the house with an electrician friend of his from college. The co-op buildings were co
nstructed in the thirties, and aside for some piecemeal work done here and there, not much has been updated. We're a little tired of living in a fire hazard, so the house has been collecting quotes from electricians for years. Thanks to Darling and his friend, we're finally getting the work done at half the cost of the lowest estimate.
If rewiring the house wasn't enough, Darling is also in the middle of re-engineering our legal standing as a corporation. The first year he was president of the board the co-op had to focus on damage control: our bylaws were in shambles and the only thing that was keeping the organization from liquidating was the worrisome fact that there would be hundreds of thousands of dollars dispensed, according to Texas Business Organization Code, among the previous five years of residents of the house. Even the three members of the house who would qualify for a large share of that money were horrified at the thought, and the founders of the co-op were reasonably suspicious of this legal ramification which was very much
not what they had in mind when creating the company. Every action residents of the house took was under intense scrutiny, critique, and suspicion. Many people were afraid to hire a lawyer to clear up the misunderstandings and confusions, certain that any legal action would immediately escalate into lawsuits.
Instead, Darling and the rest of the board took firm and gentle action and spent countless hours sorting through a legal mess fifteen years in the making. A year later the house was able to hire a lawyer with the founders' blessing (more or less), and Darling was re-elected president of the board that is only months away from totally resolving dozens of issues that brought a thirty-year-old cooperative to the brink of a heartbreaking demise. This. was. not. easy. He spends hours a week communicating with the lawyer, digging through records, fine-tuning and amending paperwork, and trying to explain to everyone what's going on and why.
On top of being president of the board, legal liaison, and electrician's apprentice, Darling has also been volunteering two or three days a week with a non-profit company providing assistance to Austin's large population of people who are mentally ill, homeless, HIV positive, or all three. Darling has always experienced intense compassion for those with mental illness and is very happy being involved with that community again. Two days a week he offers phone support in a nearby office, and on Thursdays or Fridays he is on call for garden assistance. His hope is to eventually be put on the payroll.
I, on the other hand, work. I wait tables for South Austin's hippie elite, serving coffee to men and women who have nothing to do in the middle of a Monday afternoon than surf facebook and sip espresso. No doubt these men and women have decent jobs, no doubt they have earned their double soy lattes, but I doubt very many of them have devoted themselves to the good of Austin as my Darling has.
If Darling worked we would be debt free much sooner. We could afford property faster, adopt a child more easily. Instead, I support him and his endeavors. I encourage him to follow his heart, and he does the same for me. He has made me the center of his world, and works very hard to keep it as pleasant a world as possible.
I do not mind if Darling never gets a job. I want him at home and in the community. I want him developing skills and relationships that are outside the sphere of steady wages and income. I want to follow his example and learn to find worth beyond my paycheck, to embrace days that lack structure and authority, to give without taking. That's what my Darling does for a living.
Last night Darling talked to a colleague and forgot to pass on the important message to me that my shift was changing from a mid to an opening. We stayed up late enjoying stove-top popcorn and episodes of 
